The Discomfort Zone
If I told you I had a steal beam 4” wide and 30 feet long laid down on the floor of a gym and I wanted to bet you $50 that you couldn’t walk the length of it without falling off, would you take me on?
I’m guessing you’d be up for that unless you have some unnatural aversion to gyms, steam beams or think gambling is the tool of the Devil.
What if I lifted it up to 25 feet, would you bet me now?
Possibly not for $50 although you may if you’re the confidant daredevil type that likes to have your adrenaline pumping and your heart racing like an Air Traffic Controller that ‘s just knocked his coffee all over his monitor.
I bet you’d be up for the challenge for $50,000, though. Surely that would be worth the risk?
So what’s the problem, you can either do it or you can’t, right?
The beam is still 4” wide, still 30 feet long and still as stiff as John McCain surrounded by a group of young people.
Something’s changed though, hasn’t it? All of a sudden doubt has crept into your mind with the stealth-like abilities of a puppy slipping into the closet on a midnight mission to destroy every left shoe in the household.
The introduction of the risk element has suddenly changed everything.
If you accept the challenge instead of snickering and thinking “Candy from a baby my man, candy from a baby”” you’re more likely to be thinking, “I feel sick. I think I put the wrong legs on this morning because these obviously don’t belong to me ”
Yet in reality both activities are exactly the same.
At ground level you’d probably glide across with the ease of Cyril the Supple Squirrel, showing off to his less agile buddies, but at 25 feet you’d probably look like a 3-legged blindfolded donkey with hiccups.
Your heart would beat faster, your vision narrow, your muscles tense, your mouth go dry and you’d probably need a spare set of underwear setting aside for when you got down.
You’d probably get really frustrated with yourself at this point because you’d be trying to reason with your unconscious mind that it’s really no big deal.
Your unconscious mind though would have other things on it’s plate and would be paying you less attention than a ravenous 5 year old with ADHD being taught algebra.
The cool thing is though, that if you did it successfully and were then tempted to have another go, the next time would be a tad easier.
After 3 or 4 successful walks you’d probably by showing off and poking fun at the wusses that are too scardey cat. What do you think happened between the first attempt and the fourth? That’s right, you successfully expanded your comfort zone.
You pushed the boundaries and trained yourself to deal with a given situation.
It wouldn’t have mattered whether it was giving a speech, asking for a date or poking a napping Grizzly Bear in the eye with a metal spike, you did it. Good for you.
Note: Please do not poke or even prod Grizzly Bears with sticks, umbrellas, silverware or any other object not specifically designed to be used that way. It’s not big and it’s not clever.
The reason why so many people don’t start their own business’s, quit a job they hate or tell their boss enough is enough and they’re off home to eat dinner with the kids, is because it forces them out of their comfort zone and they’re fearful of the unknown.
Nevertheless, the more we step into the discomfort zone the more comfortable it feels and the more comfortable it feels the more we can continue to expand it.
We start to realize that we’re much more capable than we ever dreamed possible.
Our comfort zone is what holds us back from achieving our potential and the only way to expand it is to get out of it on a regular basis.
All sorts of scary emotions will hit you, but the good news is that’s all they are, emotions. There are no packs of wolves, no monsters and no life coaches with big sticks.
Make an agreement with yourself to do one thing that is way out of your comfort zone this week.
Then do it!
Hi Tim,
Just thought I’d let you know that I’m well and truly out of my comfort zone now.
I’m also way out of my depth.
Today I’ve started my very first blog, and as predicted, I’m excited and also scared.
Woo Hoooo!
@ Leanne – Remember the good stuff, learn from the stuff you could have done better and commit to getting to 7.5 next time. I always jump around and look like I’m not following a structure, but as long as I tick the boxes and get to where I want to be, that’s ok.
Hi Tim
Just letting you know that the wee tally was 15 for the day and I gave myself a 7 out of 10 for my first coaching session. I could have done a lot better – I tended to jump around all over the place trying to cover off too many things in one session. It could have been a lot worse too so overall I think a pretty reasonable start.
@ Lodewijk – Thanks a lot for dropping by and I’m glad you’re enjoying the site.
@ Leanne – LMAO! So nerves attack your bladder eh? They hit me elsewhere I must say. To be honest I can’t even remember my first session or how I felt, but I can remember a very early session when I was back in the UK and somebody wanted to record it. I was freaked by that I can tell you and could hardly talk for 5 minutes. Let us know how it went, I’m sure you did great.
@ – Laurie – Can I tell you a secret? I’ve done that on client calls. Once or twice previously I’d excused myself and then thought, why bother? I can sit down like a girl with the best of them and they’ll never know. Once though without thinking I flushed the toilet and then ran out talking really likely. I’ve not done it since then ;-0
@ Deb – Never again though!
Actually yes! Bizarrely its easier to let other’s walk all over you than to stand up for one’s self. And I did it too (once or twice!!)
deb
LOL Laurie, I nearly pissed myself laughing – if you’ll pardon the pun.
Who said men weren’t good at multitasking – you are a master!
@Leanne- Yeah for you! What an exciting time for you. You will be great! I have an idea: Since it is a phone session, you could sit on the toliet while you conduct the session. That way your nervous wee wee won’t disrupt your conversation. The person will never know. I talk and wee all the time. :O)
I have been for a wee 93 times today. Not because my bladder is weak but because I am a bundle of nervous energy and out of my comfort zone.
Tonight I am conducting my first phone coaching session with my first client who has signed up for help with weight loss on my other website. I am beside myself with anticipation and a strange sense I can’t put my finger on…like this is truly the beginning of what I have dreamt about the last year or so. It feels scary but feels right at the same time.
OK exaggeration – it has only been 8 times so far…yikes..I still have 6 hours to go!!
I am curious Tim can you remember your very first coaching session? What were your feelings beforehand?
I enjoyed this post. You found a great way of explaining the concept Tim.
I just discovered your blog through your comments at Dave Navarro’s blog, I like what I’ve seen so far.
@ Carole – I’m actually learning as I type. In fact I’ve been rehearsing in front of my new video camera and I’m going to post it today if I get time.
Thanks for the good luck wishes!
Wait — I didn’t procrastinate as long as I thought I did: it’s still Thursday, so your speech is tonight!
In that case: Good luck tonight!!! : )
We bought new video cameras and some other equipment, for our business, a couple of months ago, but I’ve been intimidated by all the buttons and have been making excuses for not using mine — I hadn’t even taken it out of the BOX!
Well, yesterday I did. I took it out, set the clock on it, and set up our new lights, and it all doesn’t seem quite so intimidating now….
Also, I was going to say “good luck with your speech!” but I procrastinated and now you’re done, so I’ll say instead: I hope your speech went well! :)
@ Laurie – :-)
How about I gave a very short story I wrote to be displayed in a make shift gallery at church?
Also
I’m probably going to travel by car with a friend 900 miles to a place I’ve never been before for a meeting. I’ve come a long way with traveling in the past year. I worry about being stranded, something that has happended to me a few times in my life.
Do either of these count? Do I get a smiley face now???
@ Laurie – Hmm, that’s not really the DZ I mean! I want you in one that is going to help long-term. Battered wives are often in their own DZ, but refuse to leave because the life they don’t know can seem even scarier and more daunting than the one they have become accustomed to. Maybe yours will turn out to be a blessing and a reframe could be “This is making me stronger and more determined to succeed”? Just a thought.
@ Annie – We all have different DZ’s and it maybe no biggie to Ozzy Osbourne, but it is for you and kudos for doing your own thing. Nice tat, btw ;-)
@ Tom – I get told that at Toastmasters and it actually sometimes makes me feel more on edge. I’ll handle it though, after all, what’s the worse that can happen, I don’t get laughed at!
@ Ami – Hey good for you and I know what you mean. I got asked to do a book signing and I was really nervous. My thought process “What if nobody turns up?” It actually got canceled for reasons outside my control and I was actually disappointed and relieved at the same time. Good luck with yours.
@ Cath – OKkkkk – Not sure about that one. Don’t go murdering somebody in an attempt to gain your power back, will you?
Hi Tim – when you use the case of the steel bar, you make it sounds so simple. Yet as soon as you raised the bar – I found myself saying – there’s no way I’d do that.
Tomorrow, I’m going to move out of my comfort zone by going over the head of a fat bastard who has made my life extremely difficult. I’ve learned from you life coaching lot that I’ve given him power that I now need to take back.
I’m about to step out of my comfort zone pretty fully this month when I start promoting an anthology that my writing is a part of. I’ll be doing readings (just the thought of which makes me tremble), signings and other promotional events. I won’t be alone, but I will be required to (*gasp*) talk to people about the book and why they should buy it.
I’m not much of a social butterfly, so promoting myself and my writing in any way is something I’m slowly learning to do. I figured that committing to doing readings and signings was a good way to throw myself out there and get some practice.
Tim are you gradually working your way through the entire animal kingdom in your quest for abusive humor? I can see you doing a walking standup routine at various stages at the zoo.
Frankly it amazes me that you consider a humerous speech as possibly incomfortable. Come on, you’re a natural and you know it.
My pledge, for one meal a day this week I’ll eat more veggies than meat. Now that’s a discomfort zone.
I’m posting a blog on my family blog site about a tattoo I got back in May. You may be thinking…NO BIGGIE! But my family is very conservative. My twin sister knows…and doesn’t judge me for it…but my Mom and other siblings? The verdict is out as to how they will react from it.
So, I’m definitely stepping out of my comfort zone to share something I feel is a part of me and something that I’m proud of…risking the backlash that may come back at me.
If backlash isn’t so bad…you are right…next time I have something of a similar caliber to post…it won’t be as difficult.
Thanks for the article! I read your blog regularly.
AKH
I have been in a DZ for over a year now. I took a job that was a risk for me and hated it. I quit leaving a regular paycheck to start my own business. Now I am standing up to a business bully who is screwing me. I’m really trying not to lose my progress and momentum while this guy has caused me to almost start all over. I am swimming in discomfort.
@ Shilpan – You’re a great example of what can be achieved with the right attitude and what stepping out really means.
& Robert – It’s certainly a thought and if doing that feels weird and it’s something you really want to achieve, then so be it. I certainly have had many clients who were massively out of their comfort zone when they tried meditation and that’s not doing anything! To them it was a waste of time and they were brought up with all those limiting beliefs about time being money and we always have to be doing something and achieving something tangible.
@ Alex – Hey great to see you here Alex and looking forward to hearing about your next venture. A lot of people miss The Next 45 Years and are waiting to see what you’re up to.
@ Evelyn – Tis true I do have a stick for naughty clients. I know you have done lots of discomfort zone work recently and good for you too because I also know you have seen the huge benefit it can offer.
@ Bamboo Forest – That is a great example of crashing through your comfort zone by stopping to speak to a stranger. Ever read ‘The Game’ by Neil Sttrauss? There are a number of examples like that in there.
@ Alex – I think you’ve expanded your comfort zone as much and anybody. Living overseas really does move that sucker, but at least I live in a country where they speak English, of sorts ;-)
@ Evan – LOL, I like your comments because you’re never afraid to give me some grief, good for you mate and I mean that.
I understand that they are different in risk, what I meant was the actual task physically was the same. It only changes in degree of difficulty because we allow our fears to take over. You’re right, you can expand your CZ the way you describe in this particular situation, but it’s slow and there are many things that you cannot do without stepping out of it altogether.
And we are talking about discomfort here, not a full on panic attack which is something I would never advise.
@ Dave – You’re right. Pretty much all of my clients go through a certain level of discomfort or uncertainty. I don’t want to frighten them that’s not the point at all, but most major personal break-throughs in my experience come right after doubt and a lack of clarity. The clues in the name of the blog ;-)
Evan, I think you make a fair point by putting a health warning on being scared, but I would draw a distinction between being scared (in a controlled fashion) and being terrified.
I don’t like being thrown in at the deep end (when I haven’t had time to prepare) and agree that that can tend to bring about an aversion to the experience. I prefer to be in control of the process. Scared – but on my terms.
On a personal note, some of the greatest feelings of being alive have come when I’ve been scared.
I’m scared of heights but I love flying (even though I nearly crashed once) and one day I can see myself doing a parachute jump (I’ll only do it once though).
In fairness I think Tim was talking about feelings of ‘discomfort’ as opposed to being scared. It was I who introduced that strange aspect of my personality.
I don’t like horror movies though. They actually do terrify me!!
Cheers
Dave.
Actually Tim the two situations are quite different – the risk of breaking something in one is higher than the other. I (being unco) wouldn’t be confident of pulling it off even on the ground. And so putting my foot on the ground if I do this is no big deal – falling 2 feet is. There is very little that is 100% certain.
You can expand your comfort zone within comfortable limits – raise the bar an inch or two at a time. Much depends on the stretch, scaring yourself may not be a great idea (throwing people in the deep end can just lead to an easily triggered state of panic).
And growth can happen within your comfort zone too – getting better need not be difficult – in fact it can be unalloyed pleasure (esp. if you find a good teacher or coach).
I actually practice walking tight-ropes on the edges of sidewalks, down the white line on the side of empty roads.
I haven’t taken it off ground level in a literal sense, but I did leave the ground in 2003 with my own business and then took it higher in 2006 when I gave that up to pursue writing.
It’s not for everyone, but it’s so thrilling!
And to get out of my comfort zone. I’m going to work on going to bed earlier. Sometimes I’m good at it. Other times the internet beckons.
Well.. Back to the former.
“Yet in reality both activities are exactly the same.”
Oddly, I’ve contemplated this same precise concept.
“That’s right, you successfully expanded your comfort zone.”
I used to be timid to walk up to random girls in the street. Those days, however, are long gone. If I see a beautiful girl, even in the street, I have been known to approach her. I may only get that one opportunity – and she could be the one.
Lastly, I wish I could see your speech in Orlando. I’m sure it will be a hoot!
Amazing to see what you guys do expanding your comfort zone.
I have a lot desire to change, and I have no idea which one to stretch. Seems that people always relate discomfort zone with changes. Maybe being content, finishing/completing what we started is one discomfort zone we should think of also? What do you think?
Thanks for the inspiration Tim!
Robert
Tim,
When I came to this great nation, I was knowingly stepping out of my comfort zone as my father has a successful business and I’m the only son. It’s been a rough ride but I get tougher everyday and, by the way, now I enjoy stepping out of comfort zone.
-Shilpan
I could just imagine you with a big stick, if I failed to write in a comment.
Truly….I enjoyed this post. Perspectives do change if the beam you are meant to walk is closer to ground level or 25 ft above it.
Going out of my comfort zone, aye? I’ve put myself through this over and over again. Quitting my corporate job to work from home was a major one for me. I’ve lost sleep many nights and up till last year, would sometimes revisit my decision and ask myself “what if”.
Now, do I get my bar of chocolates for writing a good review? Hee….
Evelyn
Great post Tim. The space that lives between fear and growth is indeed fear. It takes courage to step into that fear. The prize, however, is well worth the effort! Thanks for the great reminders!
Alex
@ Deb – Does that take you out of your comfort zone, standing up for yourself I mean?
Thanks Tim, insightful as always! I’m going to not let anyone disrespect me this week. (Well that’s the plan anyway)
deb
@ Ali – Hey good for you and glad to hear the work is coming in. Digg-friendly, link bait, hmm? If I’d read that 12 months ago I’d have thought I had a pervert loose on my blog.
Tim, good luck with the humourous speech (I reckon you’ll be a natural!)
Dave, good luck with the blog!
I’ve been operating outside the Comfort Zone quite a bit over the past week and a half — this freelancing malarky has had me doing things that I’d formerly have shied away from (phoning strangers being the main one.) I’ve just taken on a commission to do a Digg-friendly, link-bait type post, something pretty different from my usual content writing and outside my bland comfy writing zone — but I have a fun concept for it and I’m looking forward to giving it a go!
@ Writer Dad – You rascal you forgot to say what you’re going to do ;-)
@ Vered – If you do them a lot then they’re IN your comfort zone, even if you’re no good at them! I doubt they get the butterflies going or give you a sleepless night or two. That’s what being out of your comfort zone really means imho.
@ Dave – There may be a few coaches with sticks but I only have a baseball bat and a pair of dobermans to get my clients to comply. Best of luck with your blog.
“[There are] no life coaches with big sticks?”
I dare you to mention that at the speech competition.
I for one found it humorous.
I love this approach. I used it quite often during my career. I decided that I was going to do the things that frightened me, and whilst I was often scared out of my head I just pushed through and achieved some great results.
I am about to move out of my comfort zone (again) but it won’t be this week.
I’ve been thoroughly enjoying this blogging lark, if only in my capacity as a reader. As it happens, Writer Dad and Vered (above) are two people whose work I really enjoy.
I’m currently getting ready to launch my own blog. I’m really excited about it, but also quite scared.
Good luck with that!
I step out of my comfort zone whenever I ski or bike, and I do those a lot.
Also at cocktail parties, and I’m attending one tonight.
So I’m good. :)
This was a great post. Most of us can never get to the next level of our lives unless we’re willing to step out from our comfort zone. Good luck on your speaking, I’m sure you’ll do great.