The Day The Dog Bit My Testicles
Usually at some stage between 8.30pm and 9.30pm our dogs like to have one last play. I say play, what that translates into is about 30 minute of total lunacy. They tear round the house attacking each other jumping on and off beds and looking for shoes, socks or dirty underwear to steal and then rip to shreds.
Every now and then I dive into the fray and every now and then I wished I’d not bothered, because it’s always me that ends up hurt no matter how much Helen yells “Don’t hurt them”
These are two big dogs we’re talking about here, not Shitzu’s. When these two come flying toward you flat out there is over 150lbs of Doberman and the likelihood that I’m going to hurt them is negligible. Not so the reverse.
I’m not sure where, when or even how it started, but the younger one (she’s the one in this video), has developed a less than endearing habit of sneaking up behind me when I’m getting out of the shower and shoving her wet nose in my ass.
If that’s too much information for you, you may want to avert your eyes right about now, because some times she will also have a playful nip round the front end if I let my guard slip for a moment.
Needless to say getting out of the shower is a military style operation these days, securing all doors and keeping my wits about me to make sure she isn’t hiding in the dressing room waiting to pounce.
The other night I was playing with both the dogs. They have a tendency to stand a couple of feet away and then like a pair of very well trained Velociraptors simultaneously dive at me and take chunks out of any exposed limb.
It can end up with the occasional bruise or graze, but it’s fun in a masochistic, self-abuse kind of way and the dogs seem to enjoy it. Until that is, it all goes wrong and ends up in tears. My tears.
The other night it all went wrong, when Tori managed to breach my defense and grab hold of something she really shouldn’t have grabbed hold of.
I screamed in a mixture of pain and surprise and started rolling around on the floor clutching my groin.
My wife is a nurse and she helps people for a living.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t to able to help me because she was too busy rolling around on the floor crying in hysterical laughter. I managed to get to my feet and stagger into the bathroom to survey the damage.
It didn’t look too bad, everything was still attached, but damn it hurt and I felt sick. When I resurfaced a few moments later the world already knew what had happened. How? Because my wife had posted it on Facebook.
The thing is, I didn’t even know then, it wasn’t until people were asking me the following day that I realized what she’d done. I feel sure she’d have posted photos too if she had them.
What has this got to do with Life Coaching or self development?
We live in an age of instant gratification. If you want to buy an album by your favorite band, you can go online and buy it now. If you want to know what’s happening in the news, you can go online and check now. If you want to know how much is in your bank account, you can go online and check now.
If you want to watch porn you can go online and watch it now (wait until you’ve finished this post though please). And if you want to read about a middle-aged man being bitten in the testicles by his doberman you can go online and do so right now.
We live in the NOW age. An age where people no longer have to wait for whatever it is they want, they can simply go out and get it as they please. And they don’t even need to have any money, because there’s always instant credit available.
Self development isn’t like that though, no matter what some blogs seem intent on having you believe. No doubt some posts with titles like ‘7 Steps to this’, or ‘10 Ways to that’ offer useful advice, but what they frequently fail to talk about is the time and patience that may be needed to implement the procedures.
You can indeed download goal setting software, but there’s nothing that you can download that will do the goal for you. You can listen to podcasts, watch video streams and download e-books, but you still have to do something with that information.
Changing the language you use to make you feel better about your life doesn’t happen over night. Analyzing your beliefs and changing the ones that don’t support you will take more than an afternoon. And building a life that is in complete alignment with your values probably can’t be done in a month never mind a week.
Being the person you want to be can happen, of that I have no doubt, but I doubt it will happen by reading this post.
You have to be kind to yourself, be committed and most of all, you have to be patient with yourself.
Unfortunately though, the Internet doesn’t help promote patience when less than one minute after a man has his gonads bitten by his dog, people are reading about it and laughing at his misfortune thousands of miles away.
@ Karilee – That was actually intentional to see what response I’d get, but then I thought it may be taking things a tad too far ;-)
Thanks a lot for forwarding on the offer and also the kind words!
Tim, I do a lot of proofreading, so the funniest part of your already funny post is the original title you gave it… which is still showing in the title bar. There’s a big difference between:
“The Day The Dog Bit My Testicles” and
“The Day The Dog Ate My Testicles”
I’m glad for your sake it was a bite…
To try very hard to twist the topic back to your original point – no, the internet doesn’t promote patience, but it does offer a lot of resources and reminders for people who are truly committed to improving, changing or transforming.
I think that the folks who sincerely provide those resources, like yourself, Naomi, Johnny, all build up “credibility currency”, partly by admitting that it takes more than a tips list to make the changes. Because you model commitment and kindness and even patience (ok, perhaps Naomi and Johnny aren’t the most obvious patience role models), you establish a level of trust that builds your businesses in an organic and healthy way. It works – I just emailed a friend about your Life Coaching Seasonal Special!
@ Anonymous – Thanks for the heads up I didn’t realize that.
@ Jon & rd – Well glad to hear it cheered you two up!
Hi, I could not stop giggling. I shared this link with all my colleagues, thanks for the post. Just one thing what if the dog would have missed by just an inch:) lol
lol Tim that made me nearly choke on my coffee this afternoon.. thanks for the laugh
Nice post. I thought to let you know that you website isn’t getting displayed properly on opera mobile browser on my pda.
I wish that increasingly number of web masters would consider the fact that there is an ever growing number of users browsing webpages on the mobile.
Best Wishes
@ Jesse – Glad to make you smile!
Great Post!
I was reading this one at work… Made a couple (unintentional) snorts and attracted nearly the whole office to read over my shoulder!
I must say.. you were quite the discussion for the rest of the day.
Thanks for sharing!
Jesse
@ Lisis – Thanks a lot. I think the answer is to ignore it to be quite honest. But that is sometimes easier said than done.
@ Alisa – Thanks and I agree wholeheartedly with everything you say.
@ Karen – Yeh the women that are aware of this seem to lack any sense of conern for my well being.
BTW, One thing my wife said that did demonstrate her own deep concern was:
“If you need taking to hospital you’ll have to go to Florida Hospital, because no way am I explaining how that happened to people I work with.” – Nice huh?
@ Bob – Not for you Bob, you’re a client and as such get my magic fairy dust in session 6.
@ Tracy – I aims to please ;-)
Dear Tim,
Thank you for posting this story so I no longer feel mortified that my kids decided to throw holy hell the last time I called you. I am now just grateful that they’ve never bitten anyone in the testicles. Kicked or stepped on, yes, bitten, no.
You are truly the life coach that keeps giving,
Tracy
Are you saying we need to have time and patience in order to see results in making changes in our lives? OMG! I feel like I’ve been kicked – well you know where.
Fantastic reminder, Tim! Thanks and be kind to your boys and your girl puppies.
Um, okay, now that I’ve finished with the hysterics, let me requote you:
“You have to be kind to yourself, be committed and most of all, you have to be patient with yourself [and you have to shower with the bathroom door closed, and before playing with big dogs, if you’re male, you must don a sports cup!]
Now let me get back to laughing :)
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I love dogs, and also have a Dobie. So I know all about the pinching. Thankfully, when mine was a pup, he went for my heels.
I was trying to figure out what your story had to do with life coaching. But hell, it was a good story–so even if you’d never come to a point, I would have been okay with that.
You were quite the master at using this story to illustrate that point, though. I was impressed. And I totally agree–too often we all want the quick fix. Yet, unless we’re talking about facelifts and lipo, quick fixes just don’t exist. I meet so many people who just want someone to wave a magic wand over their heads. They want someone else to fix their life for them or to make their goals happen. I’ve learned that the only person who can change my life for the better is me, and changing my life starts inside–with the thoughts, emotions, goals etc.
Nice post.
Your final sentence there is insanely quotable! :)
But your overall point is well taken. I am about sick and tired of the current trend… 5 steps to cure this, 10 ways to change that, 35 reasons why you can be perfect today… it’s all stumble-worthy, but useless unless you seriously apply the tips and techniques over time… which no one does… ’cause there’s so much NEW stuff to read about every second on the Net.
It’s exhausting and overwhelming, really. I don’t know what the answer is to all that. But I do know this post was brilliant!
Thanks!