Self Development For Smart People
Addendum: The proper title of the book is Personal Development for Smart People. That was a genuine error by me kindly pointed out by Trudi in the comments section. Apologies if it caused any confusion or had you arguing with the guy at Barnes & Noble that he’d given you the wrong book. Also apologies to Steve Pavlina!
I dislike writing book reviews, I really do. In fact I’m almost tempted to say this one will be the last I’ll ever write, but I know it probably wont be. I think my dislike is because when I’m reading a book to review it I’m sat with a highlighter in my hand and this feels like work rather than reading for pleasure.
To say this review is cursory in regard to the contents of the book would be a huge under-statement. As reviews go it is 100lb weakling of a review that has its lunch money stolen and gets wedgied by bigger reviews on a daily basis.
I want to tell you a story about Steve Pavlina. Well, it’s not really a story as such, I wouldn’t want you to settle down with your pipe and slippers, brandy in hand in front of a roaring fire looking forward to a tale of derring-do, princesses and probably the odd evil magician or two. No, that would be silly and you’d probably be very disappointed.
At the end of last year, my book ‘Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions’ has just been published. It had received some great reviews and I was looking to have it in the New York Times Top Ten by the end of the week, maybe the following Tuesday at the latest.
I wanted to do some aggressive advertising to kick-start the campaign and Steve Pavlina’s site seemed a great starting point. I e-mailed Steve to see if I could send him a copy to read. He said that I could send it, but he wouldn’t necessarily get chance to read it. I get that, I really do. I’m a ‘D’ list blogger and still get sent 2 or 3 books per month to review and never get round to reading more than 1 of them, but I sent it nonetheless. Pavlina must get billions!
I e-mailed him a few weeks later and he hadn’t read it. I wasn’t surprised or even disappointed because it’s not really aimed at ‘gurus’ of self-development. I followed up and asked Steve whether he’d be interested in some kind of affiliate deal. He wasn’t, because the price break was too low and therefore the money he could earn similarly low.
I then asked how much for me to advertise on his site and he responded that it wouldn’t be worth my while. This was the first time that I was irritated. As a sales person, the first thing you learn after make sure you turn up for the meetings, is let the customer make their own mind up. How did he know what was worth my while? I responded and said as much and got the response that he didn’t think it was suitable for his readers.
I’d already had people off his site buy it and the feedback was very positive, I’d also had some reviews by bloggers that read his material and without exception, they loved it. So why did he think that it wasn’t suitable, especially as he hadn’t even read it?
I jumped to the conclusion that it simply wouldn’t make him enough money. That conclusion may or may not be valid, but rightly or wrongly it certainly influenced my opinion of Steve Pavlina the person. On the other hand, I’ve carried on reading his blog because there are often some gems in there and he knows his self-development onions.
Steve Pavlina is an enigma to me. The fact is I don’t know the guy, but even after I have read so much of his material, I still don’t feel like I understand him or have connected with him on any level. It maybe that we’re polar opposites, but I find his approach a tad mechanical.
I also feel slightly uneasy hearing Pavlina talk about feeling connected to a homeless person as though he were part of himself (as he does in this book) and then blogging about shopping for a new home worth several millions of dollars. Or talking about the desire to help others but then announcing via his blog that he thinks he’s set his starting price for coaching too low at $500 per hour. I guess that it’s just a value thing and ours are completely different.
Why am I telling you this you may be asking? Well, if I am being honest this encounter may be influencing my opinion of his book ‘Personal Development For Smart People‘. I don’t think it is. I genuinely wanted to love it because I haven’t been blown away by a coaching/development book since reading ‘Stumbling on Happiness’ by Daniel Gilbert.
My main issue is that Pavlina sets out his opinions as though they are facts. I read that a lot in books and blogs and on the surface the information usually makes sense. However, trying to take a one size fits all approach to coaching and change work, will usually result in a great deal of frustration for both the coach and client. In my experience, it seldom works.
He talks about Truth, Love and Power being the 3 primary fundamental principles with Oneness, Authority, Courage and Intelligence springing from those, almost as junior vales if you will.
I have done enough work round my own values and with clients to know that truth; love and powers are not in many peoples top 3. I don’t care how you break it down or define the words; they just aren’t in there. Does that mean they don’t understand their own values or worse still, have the wrong ones and cannot flourish in personal development without adopting those three? I doubt it, but I could be wrong I guess.
Values are so personal, so at the core of a person’s identity that to try and rationalize them in this way is fruitless and it is my main complaint with the book along with the constant theme that people should ‘just do it’ without actually telling them ‘how’ to just do it.
The upside though is that there is lots of classic Pavlina in here and plenty to get you to question your own beliefs. His writing style is clear and easy to follow and there’s no filler to justify the price.
At times ‘Self-Development For Smart People’ felt like I was reading a self-development book compiled by a computer programmer. Which is exactly what it is. Pavlina blogged that somebody had said in one early review that it’s the greatest self-development book ever written.
I certainly wouldn’t agree with that, but it is worth reading. My only advice would be to read it with an attitude of taking out of it what works and resonates with you. Rather than taking everything on face value as the way it is and trying to get it to fit your life.
If you have read the book or are a reader of Steve Pavlina’s blog I’d welcome your feedback on what you think.
PS I do NOT make any money if you click through and but this book. I wanted to keep this ‘review’ as balanced as I could and not be looking to profit from it. The choice is yours.
@ Dot – I agree and as I said I actually think SP is a very good writer.
The polarization comes (I think) from the way he delivers his message. It’s almost a ‘this is how it is and if you don’t agree with me you’re wrong’ approach. I think it’s that attitude that offends some people. I may be wrong of course ;-)
Interesting article. I don’t understand the polarization in people’s reactions to Mr. Pavlina. It seems to me you can dislike someone and even not respect them for the way they conduct themselves, yet still find some value in what they write. That’s the case for me — I have the same misgivings you have, plus a few more, yet I’m sure all those people who are fans of him and feel he can do no wrong are finding some value somewhere, or they’d stop visiting his site.
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@ Carin – LMAO! Occasionally a non-cerebral opinion is just as valid. Thanks for breaking your vow of silence and joining in the chat ;-)
i am one of your silent absorbers. i just enjoy what your insights are and find that in many ways we are like minded.
i would not be able to say the same of steve pavlina, therefore i will not be purchasing any of his books.
rather than offer a cerebral opinion, which have been written here to fore i will simply say that he strikes me as
a putz. no doubt his mother loves him and for that i am glad. i would rather not.
now you see why i am a quiet absorber…
thanks for the info :)
Tony’s comment above sums it up well for me:
“In a way Pavlina’s genius was to realize that most people love to read about, or talk about writing a game, rather than actually writing a game.”
Anyway Tim, take heart. If SP’s factually correct – then we’re all but pigments on your subjective reality canvas ;-)
Keep this up and you’ll have him as a JV partner in no time haha!
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@Tim – I agree. I wasn’t saying that business coaches generally have no value, just perhaps in this case it wasn’t required. I’m conscious I could potentially open a large can of worms here so I’ll back off before my replies get too long-winded :)
I stand by what I said regards life coaches though. I think if you are stuck in life you will get far more traction and momentum by investing in a good life coach than by consulting SP’s site. It’s kind of a boot strapping thing. It’s not easy to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps sometimes, whereas a good life coach can grab ’em and heave :)
@ Tony – That is excellent advice. I think business coach’s can offer a lot of value for people that have little or no experience and business’s that maybe want to change tack, but I also agree that sometimes we just have to get up off our asses and do it!
Hmm, doesn’t surprise me really. Steve’s post pretty much reflects my comment above. Nothing much to add on that. I stopped reading Steve’s blog because it’s not useful – I liked some of the business article he wrote, but the rest is just of no use to me. Steve himself has said that the most popular article on his site is “how to be an early riser” – I think that pretty much says it all. I mean – come on guys!
I would just like to follow up on Hayden Tompkins posts above regarding Itty Biz. I read the post referred to above and I thought Naomi was a bit harsh. So I read a couple of her other articles and also thought – a bit harsh. On the other hand I do think she is right with regards “do you need a business coach” there is a lot of sense in what she says.
First, if you are stuck or confused in life, and can’t seem to get going a life coach will help – simply because a third party can often see the wood for the trees and the fact that the coach can make you accountable really helps a ton.
Second, with regards a business coach, you probably don’t need one. Just start a business, any busness and gain the experience and refine the process as you go along. I’ll give you an example. One Friday I was made redundant. A phone call. No redundancy package, no warning. Friday I had a job, Monday the company was gone. I’d worked there for nearly 10 years.
One week later I had set up my own business and had my first contract. 9 months later I’d earned double what my annual salary had been. I then took 3 months off and moved onto something else that caught my eye. Point is I didn’t do anything special, I had no website, no business plan, in fact no plan at all, but I just plugged away and refined my operation as I went a long. You learn a HELL of a lot in that situation.
The great thing is I am now planning another new business, using all the experience I gained running my old one (and which I still run part-time). It’s all a learning process.
If you don’t have much business experience then set something up part-time. The idea that you have to risk your house to start a business is poppycock. People sometime say to me “I’d like to start a business but don’t want to risk my house” – I say “then start a business where you don’t risk your house!”.
So my FREE advice is: in business, like life, just jump in and try it, refine your process, and, if you “fail”, learn from that and try again. It really is that simple.
Whoops!
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Stop Living in Fear
@ Hayden – Actually the post had been planned to go live the previous Monday. We put it back a week because I had to go back to the UK. So the conversation with you was purely coincidental.
Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t clear. I meant that I am pretty sure she wrote that post as a result of our conversation. Not that she had planned it and I happened to call one day early.
It doesn’t matter to me either way. Just that when Pavlina declined to work with you, it just may have been a matter of values and nothing personal.
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Stop Living in Fear
@ Hayden – You probably felt the same way as the women that port the iPhone the day before the new one came out, or the guy that bought the shirt the day before they made it half price.
It’s tough and it’s really irritating for the person that loses out, but I’m not sure what people can do when trying to run a successful business. I probably would have told you, but I’m not sure I would have been wise to have done so.
Also, another way to look at it would be, why should she tell you before anybody else? I presume she spoke to a few people that week. Who should she have told and who not? Where was the cut off, a day, 2 days, a week? We initially talked about this a month ago, should she have stopped taking work on then?
I’m playing Devils Advocate with you because I understand it’s still a pain in the ass.
There is no shadow of a doubt in my mind that Steve Pavlina is arrogant. I could point to 101 examples in a heartbeat. My only doubt is, is it performance arrogance or personal arrogance and there is a big difference.
Tim, I do understand. I know I’m not asking for something easy. But all I have to do is look at Google to know that it is possible. Yes, the odds are astronomical but that doesn’t mean that it is impossible.
Anyway, I was just…hm, offended at first. Not because she wrote the article, but because we had spoken for an hour the day before and I had heard nothing of it.
Anyway, I’m not saying I dislike Naomi AT ALL. I’m just saying that I realize that there is a big disconnect between our values. And I’m even more sure that she probably doesn’t care what I think anyway. And that’s fine.
I’m just saying that, perhaps, your pride – like mine – was wounded a little and that the whole thing is escalating disproportionately. I greatly respect both you and Steve Pavlina (and, yes, Naomi too). You are absolutely entitled to your opinion of his book, but I really don’t think he is a bad person or arrogant.
Just… Kind of like how people in this country are staunchly Republican or Democrat. They may have a blind spot when it comes to politics but the rest of the time be lovely people.
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Stop Living in Fear
@ GirlPie – You need to get a blog, I wanna know more! I’ll try and keep my posts to 140 characters or less from now!
@ Hayden – That’s a toughie for me to respond to because I love Naomi. The fact is I have spoken to 4 or 5 marketers and they all pretty much say the same stuff. It seems to be a necessary mindset. People I have tremendous respect for like Jonathan Fields and Clay Collins haven’t been able to help me. That isn’t their fault, it’s the way I want to operate and I do get exactly what you mean.
It’s difficult (mainly because I’m not sure I want to) for me to not let this encounter with SP color my opinion, especially as one of the main themes of his book is truth. He seems to directly contradict that with his approach. I don’t think he even sees the irony and ihmo blatant hypocrisy, but hey-ho.
@ Duffy – A-ha! Ok I never put two and two together. I’ll check that out thanks for the link.
I agree about the arrogance and maybe Hayden is right, we are poles apart in our values. I even alluded to that in the review.
I am just reading Steve Hagens ‘Buddhism isn’t what you think” and it’s the antithesis of Steve Pavlina. I know which path I’d rather follow.
I should also add that arrogance is neither necessary nor sufficient for success, but does seem correlated with fame.
I believe Pavlina has such success because he had great positioning–he was the first to tap into the enormous potential of personal development blogging.
The arrogance is extra, and I might even read his blog again if he dropped it.
RAW refers to the author Robert Anton Wilson.
Pavlina references reading Wilson as one of his big influences, especially with regard to stepping into a different “reality tunnel” fully to experience it before judging it, like diving head first into Raw foods for 30 days before making an analysis of the lifestyle.
Wilson wrote and spoke strongly about how we cannot make strong statements about reality if we hope to speak the truth, so the irony is that Pavlina is doing the exact opposite of what Wilson recommended while claiming his work to have been influential.
Here’s one of my favorite clips of RAW in action:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZBDUJ0yiVg
I stopped reading Pavlina for a couple reasons:
1. His writing tone sounds arrogant to me, for the reasons you and others expressed. I’ve found the same with his Twittering.
2. He started blogging in a way that didn’t respect my ideas of truth and goodness–specifically, he made strong claims that it’s ok to pursue a life of hurting others for selfish gain (“darkworking”) as long as you do it fully and congruently.
Ho. ly. Cow. That’s a lot to process.
Well, I will say this – after having had a session with you, I realize how my values have had such an incredible impact on my life. (Or literally how any hint of hypocrisy makes me physically ill.)
I know you didn’t think you had done me much good, but I was literally dumbfounded by how much of my life had been impacted by my total aversion to hypocrisy.
I actually contacted Naomi Dunford of Itty Biz to have a consultation. I wanted to find out what I could do to make my business a massive success that didn’t involve me 1) writing an e-book for $49 so I could then get people to get a membership site or something from me, 2) guest posting on other blogs just to get more traffic to my blog so that I could then pimp even more stuff to people, 3) other sale-sy type of things.
Literally, the next day she wrote this article: http://ittybiz.com/ask-ittybiz-do-you-really-need-a-business-coach/
So I wasted a precious $250 on a consultation with her. I say ‘wasted’ because it is clear that our core values are not in line.
Anyway, I could be annoyed with her; she clearly thinks she is right, I mean that’s why I paid her that money – but I understand that she is probably a very nice person. We just don’t happen to have the same values (or anti-values as you taught me).
I really really wish that she had done to me, what Steve Pavlina did to you. “Listen, I don’t think our values are in line. We probably shouldn’t work together.”
It isn’t a judgment call, it isn’t personal. It really really isn’t. I’ll continue to read her articles because I love her voice, but I understand now that I wouldn’t be comfortable working with her.
Anyway, I should have ended the consultation because I didn’t feel a connection – the whole thing was just all wrong – we were just not on the same wavelength. But it wasn’t because either one of us was wrong, we just weren’t on the same page.
Please don’t feel negatively about Steve Pavlina because of that one experience. I really think it may be similar to what I experienced with Naomi. I’ll admit, at first I felt like I had been slapped in the face when I woke up to that article. But it’s really, I’m sure, just a value difference. Or a ‘vibe’ thing.
Hayden Tompkinss last blog post..How to Stop Living in Fear
IT does matter (came via your tweet), most of us DO get it, and thank gawd you have a POV to share here. I’d be able to get back here a lot more often if your posts were shorter (Ha!) but it’s always a fun visit. We know we’re getting pure Tim, not a merchandising tool. Keep it up!
@ Maria – I honestly don’t mind. If he gets some readers off the back of this I’m completely cool with that.
Some people (Steve included) can’t seem to grasp the fact that I’m having fun with this blog, it’s really not a big deal. Of course I want more readers, but not if I start having to write to a formula and being so damn clinical about it.
I HOPE that comes through in my writing and the fact I don’t do a lot of the stuff that some pro-bloggers do. I have been doing this well over 2 years and I could compromise but then I’d get bored.
Steve Pavlina writes “This is a blogger who says he gets significantly less traffic than I do.” How is that relevant when the review in this post is about his book?
My impression is that Steve dislikes the fact that he was criticized.
@Tim – interesting. Steve is quite right, by getting people riled up he helps his own cause. And judging by all of the comments to this post, you’ve helped your cause a bit by being critical of him!
For those of you curious enough to pop back here I just want to update you on some stuff.
I heard from Steve and I don’t think he was that happy with me and I’m definitely off his Christmas card list :-(
He accused me of ranting and then in one of his own posts said the following.
>>Yesterday another blogger emailed me a link to a post he wrote, explaining why he personally dislikes my writing style. This is a blogger who says he gets significantly less traffic than I do. His main criticism is that I state my opinions too directly, as if they’re facts. This is a perfectly valid criticism of course; I confess to doing this liberally. The attitude of that blogger was that this is a personal defect I should correct. However, what he probably doesn’t realize is that this is a trait I developed over time as part of my calibration process for blogging success. I’m sure his advice is well-meaning, but I know that if I take his advice, my results will actually decline. I can say he’s wrong and that I’m right because I’ve learned which approach works best for me via trial and error. As a generalization, I know that making strong statements works better than making weak statements.
This is one of many subtle calibration refinements I learned from years of blogging. I discovered that prefacing every opinion with phrases like “I think…” or “I feel…” or “In my opinion…” leads to the creation of wimpy content. So this was actually a personal defect I learned to correct, and I intentionally make strong statements. My readers aren’t stupid. They know that since this is my website, such statements represent my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. When I offer up my thoughts directly, as opposed to watering them down with qualifiers, people are challenged to agree or disagree with me. This helps people question their beliefs, strengthening some while weakening others. This is what I like to see.
Another benefit to making strong statements is that other bloggers, including the one critical of my posting style, will take the time to write posts just to disagree with me, thereby sending traffic to my website and actively helping me achieve my goals. Yet because their content is usually wimpier, they don’t benefit equally from this same mechanism. There are a lot of subtle interactions going on here, and I’m only offering a cursory overview here, but the net effect is that by posting strong statements, I enjoy more blogging success, but I also attract more criticism. However, the criticism actually benefits me. This is pretty counterintuitive, isn’t it?<< I'm a wimp!
@ Tony – Great comment and thanks a lot for your insight. I agree wholeheartedly that SP is a very bright cookie and also that he isn’t a ‘bad guy’ at all. I certainly do admire him, and maybe I’m a tad jealous too ;-)
I suspect one or two people think that I’m anti-Steve Pavlina and that is far from the truth. I fully intended going to see him speak recently in Tampa until other factors meant I couldn’t. I’d still like to do so and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t learned from him.
One of the things I’d ask about self development, is there really anything new? I’m not at all sure. Even on the odd occasions when I’ve thought that, I’ve usually been disappointed later when I’ve realized it had been said before.
After all, The 7 Habits was purely a mishmash of other peoples work represented in a logical and easy to read format.
Interesting, and interesting comments too.
I knew Pavlina way back when he ran Dexterity Games. I visited his site a few times and played one or two of his games. He wrote a few articles which were very popular.
In a way Pavlina’s genius was to realize that most people love to read about, or talk about writing a game, rather than actually writing a game. He then applied the same technique to the mass market of self-development. Actually, there aren’t too many of his ideas that are truly original, but he has been a genius at applying the “open source” ideas of software and shareware to self-development, which no one else way doing at the time.
As Isabel Joely Black pointed out in her comment above, and with which I agree heartily, Pavlina’s forums are mostly inhabited by people who can talk about self-development all day long, but rarely get off their back sides and do something about it! I remember this one guy there who used to write replies to practically everything that must have taken hours!
His book will appeal to those people as a magic solution, but I doubt it will really change many people’s lives permanently. I think he is right about one thing – it is important to “just do it” – even if you haven’t got a clue. It’s better to have that learning experience than just sit at home.
I did read the book, and I made sure I got it second-hand for the lowest possible price on Amazon :) I think the book is well put together and I found it an interesting read, it was reasonably entertaining. On the whole not a bad book. Depends what your expectations are.
With regards Pavlina the man, I can tell you a few things. He is incredibly smart at playing the blogosphere, you have to admire the guy for that. He is also very driven by making money. Pretty much everything he does has some kind of traffic boosting, or money-making motive behind it.
At the same time, I don’t really think he’s a “bad guy”. I think he’s a pretty normal guy really, a bit driven, but is that such a bad thing? Why didn’t he take your ad? He probably saw you as a competitor, especially if he was toying with the idea of going into the coaching business himself.
@ James – You make some really excellent points mate and this is the kind of comment I was referring to in my post today. I rather smugly believe I have the best commentors on the net! ;-)
Thanks for reading and I hope you have the time to comment again from time to time.
Hi Tim,
I just wanted to add my perspective (to the many already here).
I’m a maths grad, and my way of approaching life is therefore strongly influenced by my *many* (shudder) years of training.
I’ve found Steve’s approach very accessible for the very same reasons others find it impossible to read, and so I’ll add my voice to the “you have your audience, he has his” crowd, with the add-on that those two audiences will even overlap (even if it’s just me).
There’s some stuff of Steve’s that I jars for me, and some stuff of yours, but I will continue to read both of you as the stuff that I can get is what matters to me.
The need for each person to find the lesson they need to learn in the format they can understand is one of the reasons why I think there is room for so many different people and voices in things like coaching, self-help and religion.
I haven’t got his book yet, so my remarks are based more on your blogs, but it is on my list.
James | Dancing Geeks last blog post..This blog is lost in the interwebs!
@ Jonathan – You’ve lost me on how that could be applied in a coaching environment bud!
@ Marelisa – I agree, SP writes some good stuff. He also writes some not quite as good stuff too and it’s a question of working through and extracting what resonates with us and what we can use. The UK is bloody cold and I am currently huddled up to a radiator typing this. I remember why I left!
@ Duff – Thanks for the comment man but you’ve completely lost me with the RAW reference!
@ Bengt – That’s exactly the approach I have taken with it and that’s why I did recommend it because there is some cool stuff in there.
@ BF – The comments here are always more interesting that the articles, that’s why I love you people, you make me look good ;-)
@ Ali – I’d definitely encourage anybody to check out Ali’s review because it will be a lot more detailed and measured than mine, that’s for sure.
@ Mike – I think saying that about religion is going one step too far imho. It gives comfort to millions of people and that is where SP can get (ironically) a bit too preachy
I think Steve P’s was one of the first blog sites I ever found and started reading but as soon as I learned how the rest of the blog world actually makes personal meaningful connections with real opinions and conflict, I quickly got turned off by Steve’s site and content.
I cut the chain and will never go back when he made a ridiculous post about why you shouldn’t have religion. It was incorrect, terribly biased and just outright egotistical. The same thing I find in much of his content. He has a ton of good stuff, but it’s his style that keeps me away, he’s completely uninviting.
As Tim and others have said, the book does come across as a tad mechanical at times. It seems like *too* neat a system, to me. I certainly think there’s some great stuff in there, though, and I personally thought the book was worth the money.
I felt that Steve suppressed a lot of his natural humour and playfulness in the book, compared to on his blog, which I think was a shame — maybe that explains the feeling of not being so “connected” with it.
I did get quite a boost of energy/enthusiasm for working on my own projects whilst reading Personal Development for Smart People, which is something I’m usually looking for when reading blogs/books! I think Steve’s approach in general manages to combine being challenging with being encouraging.
(I’ve got a review going up tomorrow (Fri 28th) on The Office Diet, looking at the book from the perspective of people focused on improving their physical health, if anyone wants to read that!)
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I am currently reading Steve’s book and I think it is a good read since it makes me think. The book gives me input but I do not see it as “the ultimate truth”. I pick the pieces that work for me.
The comments were as interesting as the article itself…
I’m not too familiar with Steve Pavlina.. I’ve read some of his articles, a while ago… I do not subscribe to his blog, though.
I’ll tell you one thing: he really figured out how to capture people, with his success.
Bamboo Forests last blog post..7 Most Fun Foods
I similarly found Pavlina’s book underwhelming. I appreciate using the client’s words instead of trying to fit them into a model. Pavlina should have read more RAW before writing his book!
Duffs last blog post..Deconstructing Personal Development, Part 3: State Management, Positive Thinking, and the Cultivation of Mania
@Tim next time I’ll try to squeeze in a dog’s bollocks for ya *wink*
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Hi Tim: I don’t read Steve’s experiments with juice fasts or raw diets, because I don’t care about those topics, but I have found a lot of very well written, thought provoking articles on his blog. That being said, I haven’t read his book. It must be difficult for Steve to have so many people vying for his time and attention, and I’m sure that he’s gotten used to saying “no” to people by now. And let’s face it, people don’t like being told “no” (it doesn’t matter how much we’re told that it’s just a part of life and that we shouldn’t take it personally). I remember that when I first started reading his blog I thought to myself, “this person is certainly full of himself”, but I guess I got used to his personality because I don’t notice that as much anymore. Have a great time in the UK (I lived in Kensington Heights one summer for three months, I love London!).
Marelisas last blog post..55 Things To be Grateful For
Truth is inherently indefinable, because it is self-evident.
One truth I could say is that we are all one. That might not be “true” for everyone, based on their own beliefs. Sure. I get that.
But, that doesn’t change the fact that Truth doesn’t need anyone to believe in it, in order for it to be true.
Everyone is still One, whether they believe in a false sense of separateness or not. =)
Hi Jim,
Your Welcome! That’s interesting! I don’t know very much about NLP it sounds like variations of other concepts I have learned about like Quantum Learning Technigues. Though this approach was about using all three so no one would be left out! But its alittle deeper I think what I was trying to say? Then just learning techniques…
@ Diane – That’s a really good point and you’re right it is something I’m constantly aware of with clients.
NLP teaches that we all use different primary representational systems to learn. What I mean by that is somebody may prefer visual learning with a back up of auditory and kinesthetic learning may just wash over them. Whereas the person next to them may need that interactive approach yearned by a kinesthetic. The teachers job is to appeal to both and they seldom can. There are ways to do that, but they’re no easy to implement.
It is a fascinating subject and I think you have given me an idea for an upcoming post. Thanks for that!
@ Jonathan – We’re going to agree to differ on this. I’d love to here your explanation of truth because to me there are few things that are incontrovertibly ‘true’
I still have to disagree. There are fundamental principles that if you violate, there is a negative consequence. Not just for one person, but for everyone.
I do agree that everyone interprets these things differently.
I would have to say that Truth, is a universal principle. Truth is just the truth. No matter how you interpret what that means.
Love is universal. It’s a feeling. How YOU feel loved, will be different. It might mean quality time, physical touch, etc. But it is something that UNIFIES everyone.
Power is also a universal principle. Everyone has to some degree a certain amount of power or powerlessness in their lives.
I think these things definitely unify us. To say that there aren’t unifying principles that bring us all together just doesn’t make sense to me. I think everyone interprets these things differently, but that doesn’t change that they are real and universal.
=)
@ Bill – I like that analogy! I am also wearing latex gloves but for reasons I’d rather not go into here. I’ll continue to drench away Bill!
@ Michael – Wow, I’m still digesting that last comment and running it through my Zenometer. It’s coming out at ‘Sage’ level, well done!
Tim,
You know as I read your post today I thought how interesting and thought provoking it was. I haven’t read his book though I have visited his site. Its interesting how different personalities will view the same subject matter. I recently read a Book called Personality Plus and it speaks to this very well. She commented on the fact that so many people who write and teach about success are a certain type of personality and that’s why so many people don’t have success from these seminars/workshops etc. They get something from them of course but not what they need to make it what they truly want “it” to be. And often times it is about moving the “personality” to a different mindset to get there. Although wouldn’t it be great as one could find a way to express this to “all” different and unique personality styles could achieve their set and desired goals? As a coach I am sure you are often contemplating this very concept. Sometimes it feels these personalties are their own “train”
and that is often intimidating to many other personalities.
Just some thoughts to remind you I think you are so right on when you pointed out: One size fits all is unrealistic! When a person resonates to something is it always the best for their highest good? As your site name “Discomfort Zone” inplies to me, maybe not always or ever?
Tim,
You know this is new to me, self improvement that is. I enjoy reading your blog and listening to the comments here, so I took a walk on Steves website to get to know him a bit.
It seems to me that this, like my past experiences in Martial Arts and eastern philosophy reading, is all about the packaging. It seems that everyone here is seeking that one association that they can pick up and run with. Something they can use to live a more fulfilled life. I had been seeking that in a more physical sense with my prior pursuits. While I was not particularly taken with Steve’s site, or what he was writing (not enough to keep my right brainedness moving), I was not particularly impressed with World Champion Bill Wallace till I met him and got to see him teach and speak. While I did not connect with him personally, I could appreciate the quality of his work, and the reasoning behind him.
I will agree with your assessment on what I could gather from the book snippet and your review.
Paddling to live is the principle, how you like to hold the paddle is the value. We are all in the boat together. That is my oneness….. Zen moment off.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
LOL – I’m back in the UK and prior to leaving I thought ‘What can I post that will probably generate little or no comments? How about a book review?’ I got that a bit wrong!
@ Pentad – Of course you really have me wanting to know more now ;-)
@ Melissa – Yikes a dark and forboding spot, that doesn’t sound good. I’m not sure that he is close minded at all, I honestly don’t know and I did say that I thought the book was worth a look.
@ Jonathan – About time, some disagreement from Mr Mead! And of course now I have to disagree back because gravity is a fundamental law of physics, truth and love are concepts and can vary from person to person.
@ Emily – It maybe just ‘us’. As Hunter says below, he does feel connected to him so I guess it’s purely a perception thing. There’s no right or wrongs, only opinions and I agree that individual experiences are the key because without them we have no reference point for any of this malarkey.
@ Hunter – A spirited defense my man and I’m glad that somebody has done so, I didn’t want this to turn into a slam of what is a useful book.
Actually the sense of humor thing did cross my mind, I know it’snot to everybody’s taste. What about the truth aspect though, surely he’d have felt honor bound to tell me so if living in alignment with his values.
I don’t get the money being a finite thing at all, that could be said for anybody. I have no idea what SP does to help those less fortunate or even if he does anything at all, but I do know he’s in a position to effect some real lasting change via his blog and I don’t see that happening.
he talks about all his values/principles as facts and none of them are. That is the mainstay of teh book as it seemed to me.
@ Si – Thanks for saying complete bollocks, I miss that phrase ;-)
@ Stella – I appreciate the feedback, thanks for blowing smoke up my arse!
@ Jessica – It was just over a year ago. Even if he were about to do that he could have told me rather than feeding me a load of bs.
The whole point of this for me is that it left me feeling like he was being hypocritical. I could very well be wrong it’s just an opinion or maybe even less than that, a feeling. BTW there is a bit in the book where he says he always tries and helps people that are looking to breakthrough unless he thinks they’re insincere or something similar to that. Maybe he thinks I’m insincere?
@ Trudi – As I read that I was wondering ‘What’s she talking about?’ I never even noticed I’d done that! Firstly, thanks for pointing that out and secondly, I’m sure it’s not a passive aggressive approach, honest! My opinion really isn’t that strong.
@ Alex – I love that expression ‘my eyes kept sliding off the page’ I may steal that one day ;-)
@ Diana – Strangely enough I saw a brief video of SP since I wrote this post in which he talked for about 2 minutes to camera about blogging. That was the first time I ever got the impression that there was a personality behind his words and actually wondered whether I’m wrong in my take.
@ Joely – I never thought of that, but now you mention it, yeh it does. I also agree about the forum. At first I thought it was interesting, then I thought it got a bit scary and now I seldom go there. And finally whilst I’m in suck up mode, I agree with your response to JM too!
Hi Tim-
You asked for opinions about Steve P’s site and content-here goes (short and sweet): In all respect to the Author, I scanned the intro page-that’s it, but this was enough to tell me that:
-the personality of the author was missing
-the didactic form and content of the intro is the reason I don’t usually care for or read self-help material
-it does sound as though it was written by a computer programmer
-Advertising your material on his site would in fact be like advertising vitamins on a site meant to sell steak-I could see why he might not deem it fitting-there are two so very different styles between you.
Please keep your blog drenched with your awful personality and style as you strike this reader as warm caring human being who does have faults of his own-someone who I’d like to meet, as opposed to the many clinicians out there who seem as though they are wearing latex gloves emotionally.
@Hunter
Great counterpoints! I actually have no idea what Steve Pavlina has to say because I find his writing style so not-for-me that I can’t read it long enough to learn anything from him.
It’s the same way for me with the Celestine Prophecies from the 1990s – the book was so unreadable (for me) that I couldn’t get past the first chapter. (Oh, and I’ve never gotten into Stephen King beyond his short stories.) ;)
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Why Do We Choose to Be Unhappy?
The cover of the book is designed to look like a programmer’s guide. I’m amazed it doesn’t read “MS Access 2007 for Smart People.” I left the forum for two reasons. Firstly, I realised there are people who talk on fora about success and people who are successful. I know many people who talk about success. The most successful person I know is a multi-millionaire businessman who never talks about any of the things personal development gurus talk about. Secondly, I get this feeling of arrogance from Steve Pavlina. It’s only me and an entirely personal reaction.
I couldn’t bear to read the book because it looks so much like my volumes on how to write Access databases I’ve been meaning to sell for ages.
I take issue with Jonathan Mead’s point about values and principles. “Truth”, “love” and “power” are human constructs and cannot be compared to gravity. To put it very simply, you can decide whether or not something is a “law of nature” by imagining whether it would exist were humans not around.
Truth, love, and power are uniquely defined by every human being who encounters them. Some don’t believe they exist at all. If humans weren’t around, if there were no beings with consciousness, there would be no truth, love and power. Gravity, however, would quite happily continue to exist without people around to throw themselves off buildings. There are no universal principles just as there are no universal values. Everybody makes up their own mind about these things.
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A lot of what you said about him that bothers you it’s true to me too. Many times the way he writes irks me. And as a person he always stroke me as being a bit too conceited.
I could never feel a connection while reading his text, it always felt like he was writing it from a “I am the supreme master” point of view.
Sorry for the minor bashing comment only!
I’ll try to leave something more positive next time!
Dianas last blog post..Finding New Approaches
I know that Steve Pavlina is one of the top personal development guys out there, but I just can’t connect to his stuff. I’ve read an excerpt of the book and my eyes kept sliding off the page. I’ve subscribed on and off to his blog, but I never click to open a single post via my feedreader.
It’s great that he’s found his community and that loves his, though. Good for him!
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Someday Fun: List Procrastination
Interesting review. Also interesting that you get the title wrong more than once. Unconscious passive-aggressive slip? I don’t know.
I do know that I agree with you about Steve presenting his opinions as fact. He does that in his blog too. It’s almost like a test. A test for the “Smart People” to figure out opinion from fact. Of course Steve might say there are no facts. ;)
I love Steve. But I also know I’m not always going to agree with him. I also suspect that he sometimes deliberately styles his writing for confrontation.
I really like your full disclosure here. It helps to know where someone is coming from when they write a review.
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I don’t know at what point in time you contacted him about advertising, but he has recently removed all ads from his site so maybe at that time he was tossing the idea around in his head and not feeling right about taking new advertisers.
Jessicas last blog post..What I Eat
I really tried to get into Steve Pavlina’s blog, since it’s supposedly the be-all and end-all. Like you, I just never connected with it, so I didn’t buy the book either.
On the other hand, I read your blog daily, and it makes me laugh as well as teaching me something. (This is the point where I add in one of those strangely worded Australian sayings like, ‘I don’t want to blow smoke up your a***,’ or ‘I’m not just pi**ing in your pocket,’ which both mean I am not flattering you needlessly and are supposed to be a compliment even though they sound offensive).
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Great review – about what I expected. I have similar feelings about Steve’s work (having read it for several years). Some of it’s inspired, some complete bollocks, but most of it worth reading – just don’t check your brain at the door.
Sis last blog post..How To Tap All Day (& Not Look Like A Nutcase)
Wow, this is surprising. I have pretty much the opposite impression of him, particularly in his ability to connect.
I don’t think you’re polar opposites: in Myers-Briggs terms, you’re an ENFP and he’d probably call himself an ENTP (though I’m not so sure about the E). However, that would explain why you find his approach too mechanical.
I don’t think his refusal to let you advertise is about money. He’d charge the same no matter who was advertising, right? Maybe it’s because he doesn’t like your sense of humor. (But I do, so keep it up!) Just guessing.
“Not suitable for my readers” = just being nice, though I can’t claim to know what his real objection was.
Setting his coaching rate at $500 an hour is a matter of supply and demand. If he set the rate too low, he’d get too many requests and have to choose clients arbitrarily from the list of applicants. If you use money to draw the line, at least it’s clear what the rules are.
Is he supposed to give millions of dollars to homeless people? If so, who does he help, and who does he ignore (since his money is finite)? He’s often said that he doesn’t see being broke as a bad thing. Only not being in alignment with truth, love, and power is bad to him. (And this is one place where I differ with him–I think being broke is awful!)
As for setting out his opinions as if they were facts, I didn’t see much of this. But I actually would have liked to see more. It didn’t seem like classic Pavlina to me, but more toned down for the sake of being universal. For example, on his blog he attacks religion, but in his book he talks about how to find the right spiritual beliefs for yourself.
The only thing I remember as an example of an opinion stated as a fact was the principle of oneness, accepting the truth that we’re all connected. I had a really hard time with that. How do we know that we’re inherently connected?
I’m not sure what kind of values your clients identify, but I have a hard time believing they don’t usually involve truth, love, and power (though they might not be stated as such). Maybe I need to get around to reading your values book (which I already have).
Does it sound like it was compiled by a computer programmer? Yes, definitely. I guess either you like that or you don’t. I agree that it’s not the best self-development book ever written (though I’m not sure what is). I’m not even sure that it’s his best work, in my opinion. But I’d definitely put it up there with 7 Habits, etc.
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Thanks for your honest assessment Tim. I was wondering if the ‘mechanical quality’ I was feeling from some his stuff wasn’t ‘just me’ getting some odd impression. Not to say I won’t at some point read his book, but there are other things that are higher on my priority list at this point. Also, there are indeed the universal principles but how each individual EXPERIENCES those is really the key to me.
Thanks for the honest review Tim. I think it’s the first I’ve read that hasn’t being bowing down on hand and knee to the Guru of Personal Development.
I personally have to disagree with you on the part about values. There is a major difference between values and principles. Values are individual, they shift from person to person. Principles are fundamental laws of nature. They don’t change from person to person.
It’s true, someone might not value truth, love and power. But that doesn’t change that they are still laws. Not believing in gravity doesn’t mean you won’t be turned into pancake when you jump off a 30 story building. Not valuing gravity won’t change that either.
I personally don’t know if the 7 values Steve has listed are the be-all-end-all laws or not. I don’t know. But I do think there’s a major difference between principle (universal) and value (individual).
It’s my turn to be the Contrarian. =)
I’m not sure this is what you were going for, but I don’t even want to crack open his book after reading your review.
“…sets out his opinions as though they are facts…”
That bothers me a lot. To me that sounds closed-minded, and I have a very dark and forboding spot in my heart for close-minded people, if you know what I mean. It also makes me feel like he thinks he is better than everyone, so of course his opinion is fact. And that makes ME closed-minded and I don’t like that very much at all.
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Well….hmm.
I have the exact same impression as yourself. There is an existing block in the “connection area”. There is also something else that bothers me, although, I don’t want to mention it here.
I would never consider buying his book. His brand is based on age-old ideas of others. Although there is nothing wrong with sharing that information with others (and, we do share knowledge when we write), it is not knowledge that he can own as his own ‘branding’, and I feel that some of his methods are outdated, and without solid foundation.
Just my opinion……
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