
How To Feel Crap
There has been uproar in the UK recently as those supposed bastions of good sense, good judgment and good ethics, the Members of Parliament, have been found somewhat wanting in the good sense, good judgment and good ethics departments.
It seems a very large number of MP’s have been claiming on their expenses for all sorts of things they probably shouldn’t have been claiming for.
On the whole it has tended to be mortgage payments on second homes. Although that was purely for those lacking in world-class accounting flair.
A few were far more creative with the standout winner being rather unsurprisingly, a Tory MP.
The Right Honorable Douglas Martin Hogg, 3rd Viscount Hailsham and Member of Parliament for Sleaford and North Hykeham (you couldn’t make it up), claimed the money back for having his moat cleaned out.
Seriously, the simple fact you have a house that needs a moat suggests to me you probably aren’t short of the $2k needed to have it cleaned.
Unless that is, you are struggling to sell your cottage in Wales, Apartment in Monte Carlo and credibility to the general public.
Needless to say the MP’s caught with the snouts, faces and cloven hoofs in the trough are being pilloried by their colleagues, the media and an irate and incredulous population.
In fact, the Speaker of the House has been forced to resign for the first time in over 300 years. That’s over half a century before the US was even a gleam in the Founding Fathers eye, so we’re not talking about just impeaching a President, this is serious stuff.
I had the TV on in the background the other day and heard this one guy hurling a stream of vitriol at a rather confused and sheepish looking MP.
I glanced up to see this person with throbbing temples and bulging eyes stabbing his finger in the air in a manner that suggested he wished a bayonet were attached to the end of it.
Here was a man that seemed to think death was too good for ‘em and he wanted his tax payers money back and probably a public stoning or two before he could countenance sleeping soundly in his bed at night or allowing his blood pressure back below 180/120.
My guess would be that the man in question already held the belief that all politicians are corrupt and this scandal was all the evidence he needed.
A few weeks ago when the whole Susan Boyle thing on Britain’s Got Talent kicked off there was a lot of talk about it on Twitter.
Her performance was as stunning as it was unexpected and the YouTube clip quite rightly got retweeted again and again and again.
It was an amazing performance that I personally watched several times in the space of an hour or so and had the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.
Then all of a sudden a few people started Tweeting about the reaction of the audience and panel members. In fact, there were some very indignant Twitterers who were offended by the way the audience had been giggling when Susan Boyle first came on stage.
They didn’t like the way people were laughing at her, because let’s face it, laughing at somebody because of their appearance and the likelihood they are about to make an ass of themselves, is just plain wrong. Everybody knows that!
I love it when my clients come to me with massive goals, and trust me I’ve had some big ones.
Earning $3 billion before becoming forty, making a walk-in medical center available for any person on the planet that needs one and getting American car salesmen to treat female customers seriously are some of the biggest I’ve had. Some of, but not THE biggest.
The biggest goal I have ever been given by a Life Coaching client it the desire to stop judging people.
That may not seem that huge to you, but think about it for a moment. Can you honestly say you can look at a stranger and not jump to any conclusions whatsoever?
If you can, then I’d ask you to question that belief before I mail you your canonization complete with self-assembly halo kit, because I suspect it won’t stand up to serious investigation.
Think of all the ways you can judge a person without ever knowing anything of substance about them.
The color of their skin, how heavy they are, the tattoos and/or body piercings, the length of their hair, the way they walk, the car they drive their femininity or even lack of it, the language they speak, the religion they follow, the paper they read. What about their accent, or their clothes or a personal favorite of mine, the ‘tone’ of their e-mail!
You could even throw into the mix judging somebody because they are small, have gray hair, are not particularly attractive, probably can’t sing and have entered a talent contest.
Or maybe judging somebody because a split second edit on TV makes them look like they are laughing at somebody because they are small, have gray hair, are not particularly attractive, probably can’t sing and have entered a talent contest.
Or how about judging a whole batch of MP’s that look like they may have been at best, artistic with their expenses. Surely that one’s a no-brainer and a fun sport we can all join in?
I guess it would be great fun for me to hop aboard that high moral horse if it weren’t for one small niggling string of indiscretions. When I worked in sales I confess with a heavy heart to rounding up my mileage expenses on several occasions.
So it would be a bit hypocritical for me or anybody like me to be up in arms, right?
The same goes for anybody that has taken stationery home from work, ‘forgotten’ to pay for something, not bothered to returned a borrowed book, used the Internet on work time, rounded up the bill to a client, rounded down the figure really owed to the Internal Revenue, snuck into the movies or a sporting event without paying, found something of value and not handed it in etc.
Do you know of anybody that fits the above criteria?
More to the point, do you know anybody that doesn’t? If so they may need to be polishing the first stone ready for some serious casting.
By all means if you want to get appalled, disgusted, angry, outraged and shocked by other peoples actions, be my guest and play judge, juror and executioner.
It’ll make you feel crap, but it most definitely is your right to do so. But be aware that it is your judging based on your map of the world that’s causing you to do that, not any ‘facts of the matter.’
We all judge (this post is littered with judgments) it’s what we have been taught to do.
However if we can recognize that and not take them too seriously, we’ll feel better not just about others, but more importantly, about ourselves.
Man to attractive women in bar: “Would you like to sail away with me on my private 60 foot yacht? We would head to my own island that is lapped by the warm waters of the South Pacific and stay in my luxury $10m beach house.
We would be waited on by my personal staff night and day and have gourmet food cooked each evening by my personal Michelin starred chef.
We would drink the finest most expensive champagne and watch the beautiful sunsets holding hands on the deserted beach.
Then we would we would make love on a stunning 4-poster bed dressed with fine Egyptian cotton and fresh fragrant rose petals?”
Women: (In a swooning type of style) “Ahhhh, that sounds just wonderful, when can we go?”
Man: “Not so fast. How about a quick half hour in my Motel 6 room instead?”
Woman: (in disgusted tone) “Absolutely not, what type of woman do you think I am?”
Man: “I thought we’d established that and we were just negotiating on price”
Image: ‘Craps on a dice table’ Courtesy of Alxhe
Apologies to those of you that have commented here in the last few days. I always forget to look at comments on older posts.
@ Mike – That’s it, it’s all about being aware and then practicing.
@ Jake – Agreed.
@ Jeanne – Hey cool idea! And feel free to judge. Did you say something about me looking like Brad Pitt?
@ Dave – Not sure I agree with the first part although not sure I totally disagree. I think ‘somebody’ has to judge in terms of a criminal trial. But enough innocent people have gone to jail to know that it’s not so cut and dry. And anyway, if we do judge, where do we draw the line?
Agree about bad-mouthing, it has little value. Having said that, I know I do it on occasions so I am now judging myself as a hypocrite!
I’m
Sometimes we have to judge – theft, murder…
Then we have to know something about a person’s intent [Was it an accident or did he intend to push him? What was his motive? Did he have a motive?] So we have judge what was in his heart.
But believing that is ALL that is in that person’s heart – that we have summed up that person, that is a mistake.
But judging what is in someone’s heart because he has gray hair or is fat, that’s another matter.
And whether or not we judge in a prejudicial and unfounded way, and whether the act of judging messes us up, are separate questions from how we behave towards that person and how and whether we talk about that person.
I think that If we act out our prejudices we will mess ourselves up more – like night follows day.
Whereas if we look into ourselves and accept we have prejudices about some people or groups, but don’t let those prejudices swamp or interfere with the way we act – and if we act fairly, then we can rein in our prejudices and discover other people.
Which is not to say that one should ignore the 11th commandment (don’t be a fool) and jump in and treat everyone as brothers, because plainly there are a lot of people out there who do not behave with kindness and consideration.
But for those who do want to try to act with kindness and consideration, and the point of this comment, is that gossip and bad-mouthing are the most insidious and destructive acting out of prejudices.
They feed off themselves and create a culture of gossiping and bad-mouthing, one that is rife with ridicule and mockery, and they are the mirror of self-loathing.
Davids last blog post..The Hay Festival, Luis Moreno-Ocampo, and Darfur
Hey..great article and all of us absolutely need a reminder. Maybe we need to invent an extra button on our alarm clocks that says, after we hit the snooze button 20 times, “get up for work, already and by the way, don’t judge anyone today or you’ll feel like crap!” You are so right and I love your article – plus you are hilarious! (Whoops…do we ned to count that as a judgement?!?!)
I find I really only judge bald guys these days. I find them all to be…..oh – Tim you’re bald….well never mind!
As always Tim…thanks for the good post. You should always give people the benefit of the doubt and not judge. I have always eaten my words or felt bad when I have judged someone by their looks, actions etc. Our world is full of unique people and they all make the world go round and round. Thanks!
Jake | Revive Your Lifes last blog post..Managing Stress Through Daily Meditation
Tim,
Mostly its judging other road users (what kind of idiot would jump in front of me then slow down, must bleed over into other areas of that persons life too…) …then letting it infect my state towards other things or people. It’s pure poison, but like other addictive elements, it sells itself on “usability”. I never realized how much energy that judgment creates and uses. None of it in a very good or healthy way.
Bodhipaksa helps with the wishing others well meditation. Reading this does to.
I don’t want to transfer this to my boys. It is not becoming, healthy, or of high character. It’s a daily journey to be better at it. Funny thing is, now that I am conscious of it, I see more opportunities to practice being better at it.
@ Melinda – No probs, never thought you meant that.
@ Writer Dad – It is learned nature though, I don’t think we are born this way, do you?
@ Vincent – I don’t agree it’s like breathing, we don’t die if we don’t judge. In fact far from it. I get your gist though.
@ Mike – Is that judging other road users or just letting your thoughts drift to have a general judging session?
Great post Tim!
Judgment is a fine source of pain, no! I do it mostly in the car, but it creeps into other areas too. It would be so much more empowering to look at others for inspiration, or to practice empathy wouldn’t it.
I guess thats why it’s a journey! Thanks for the words. See you next week.
Hi Tim,
It is hard not to judge and I agree with Writer Dad that judging is just like breathing, a second nature to us. Minimizing judging will be a more feasible way compared to eliminating it.
Cheers,
Vincent
Vincents last blog post..Top 50 Personal Development Bloggers
We’re all judgmental. It’s human nature. What we can do is try to be mindful that we’re judging others and do all we can to curb the behavior, but trying to eliminate the tendency is like eradicating breath.
Writer Dads last blog post..Why LOST is the Best Television Show Ever
Sorry Tim, I didn’t meant to sound like I was saying that we don’t judge others. I do, we all do, it’s human nature. It’s part of how we make choices and survive.
ROFLMAO at the spamming comment!
Melindas last blog post..How to Increase Repeat Readers
Thanks.
And your response to the spam = awesome!
@ Big League Players – Man that is the WORST job if spamming EVER! It did make me laugh though so I took the link out and approved it.
Thanks for you in-depth response about the situation in the Japanese economy and its effects on post-war Europe with a view to goat sales in Luxembourg. Thought provoking stuff.
@ Ian – So you’re the one that hadn’t seen that video. I think that’s the world covered now. Amazaing stuff eh?
Mike – I like passion so please don’t apologise. I think society is moving in the right direction. Look back 50 years and see how far we’ve come in terms of human rights. There is a LONG way to go, and it can be frustrating waiting, but we’re getting there imho.
@ Suwat – Thanks for the comment and nice link back ;-) You can drop your URL in the appropriate field in the comments section and it’ll be loaded automtically you know.
@ Evelyn – Thanks
@ Melinda – I think we can judge others, just that we do so at our peril and understand the consequences. I think some times we actually have to trust our gut and judge others. If you are at about to walk into a bank and 4 heavy set guys in ski masks carrying AK-47’s bustle in front of you, it’s ok to judge them and decide to get your cash out down the road.
@ Anthomy – It sure will!
@ Guy – I only watched one program on TV whilst I was back in the UK and it was Have I Got News For You. Actually that’s not entirely true I did see Noel look a complete knob (judge that man!) on Deal or No Deal.
I agree with most of what you say, I just wont let it bother me these days.
@ Blogger Dad – I nearly went in depth into the whole reason why we judge others, but then I got lazy and killed the post short. It’s all about comparison though.
Is it ok to sound off about the Government? I guess that’s an individual call, but if it doesn’t make you feel better, my advice would be change that paradigm about what is and isn’t ok for you and forget what society thinks.
Bald guys sure are wordy.
See, there I go.
Great piece, Tim.
On a serious note, we all judge others. It’s human nature. And we tell ourselves that it’s okay because “We’re not as bad” as those that we point fingers at.
So, how does one go about stopping our internal judge, jury and executioner that cry out when we see injustice or things which offend our sensibilities? And when IS it okay to sound off on things which piss you off, such as government officials wasting your tax money?
I have a love/hate affair with politics and the news in general. Whilst I feel it is important to take an active interest it can also be a very negative influence on your thinking and your impressions of other people and the world.
Here in the UK the problem is the hypocrisy of the politicians setting moral standards, capping public sector(nurses, police, firemen etc) wages, telling us they share our pain during this economic crisis whlst many of them are avoiding capital gains tax on properties that have had been subsidised by tax payers, claiming expenses for all their living costs.
One of the ministers who is involved in this is Hazel Blears. Check out this hilarious excerpt from “have I got news for you” to see how condescending politicians can be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lq2Mx9uFXO8
So after this rant am I one of these people Tim is talking about ? No because I feel we have the right, however misguided to expect our politicians to show some moral judgement if they are to expect us to listen/obey their laws. If “normal” people in “normal” jobs took some of the actions these MPs did we would be sacked immediately and possibly prosecuted. Yet MPs seem to think if they pay the money back everything will be ok.
Oopps I started ranting again. But really I think it is important for us living in a democracy to be outraged by this, not spitting vitrial or calling for peoples heads. But to let people in positions of supposed moral authority and power to know that we expect better of them.
guys last blog post..Gordon Brown in Apology Shocker!
Classic case of double standard self-righteousness. That will definitely make you see all the negatives in life.
Anthonys last blog post..Find Telecommuting Opportunities with Online Tutor Jobs
Thank you for posting such a informative post on internet marketing. Its very effective and impressive and I have never thought about it, I will use this internet marketing tricks for expanding my business.
Oh Tim, I literally choked on my coffee when I read that last bit. It’s so true though, we’ll do something for a lot of value, but if the value is lower then it becomes bad or immoral.
Kind of like the reverse of “in for a penny, in for a pound” it’s being just as guilty for the penny as you are for the pound.
I have also been guilty of minor indiscretions and questionably immoral actions. Deliberately? Not usually, generally I think they seemed to be quite reasonable at the time. However that doesn’t mean that I can judge others.
Great post and very thought provoking!
Melindas last blog post..How to Increase Repeat Readers
Your story on the attractive woman at the bar got me laughing!! Love your post! Entertaining yet profound! Retweeted!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..Dial A Life Coach
Tim, that “Man to attractive women in bar” bit was hilarious, excellent post as always. We enjoy a little bit of humor in the web design business as it can be stressful.
Thank you for an insightful and thought-provoking post!
I couldn’t help but think while reading this post of the story of Jesus, in which a woman caught in adultery was brought for stoning. Jesus said, “Let him without sin let him cast the first stone.” As you say, there’s not one of us who has not doctored our expense accounts, received the unordered package, or judged someone solely on external and frivolous factors.
And as you mention, we are *taught* to do this by our culture, not only by our parents, but by the media and others in our environment as we grow up and live as adults. Such teaching builds on the in-built human tendency to negatively assess those outside our group.
In my bailiwick, I am particularly concerned about ageism and the stigma of mental illness. People learn stereotypes and misconceptions about elders and mentally ill people, and then use these to judge others on first sight (and on second and third!) using them as a standard. It is possible to ameliorate such discriminations — witness the civil rights movement — but it is a long, slow process that at best modifies the public judging of others.
With only a little self-examination, it is easy to come up with a slough of pre-judgments of others based on superficial characteristics. It is up to each one of us to rid ourselves of the negative and unfair pre-judgments — unfortunately, human nature’s and our culture’s negative aspects can’t simply be legislated away!
Sorry for the rant! This is a hot-button issue for me.
Mike Nicholss last blog post..5 Interesting Articles for You: Your Occasional Reader
Isn’t it fascinating how many people apply one rule for themselves and stricter rules for others? I think ‘hypocrisy’ is the technical term for it.
Very entertaining read, Tim. I very much enjoy the way you make an important message and make me laugh at the same time. I especially like how reading your blog saves me the effort of reading the UK news – and much more fun. Loved the Susan Boyle video. I don’t know how I missed it!
And final thought. I guessing this Tory MP is relieved he’s got a newly cleaned moat to protect him from the hordes of pitchfork wielding British tax payers.
Ian | Quantum Learnings last blog post..The beauty of differences