How Do I Stay Committed To My Goals?
Imagine this scene.
You want to get fit and you have joined a gym with the intention of setting up a fitness regime.
You have all the best intentions and just know that this time you really will follow through with the promises you made to yourself to the point where you have even scheduled your gym visits into your planner starting tomorrow immediately after work.
The only problem is you have no way of knowing how you will feel tomorrow after a long days work.
You may feel great and pumped at the thought of pumping iron. Or you may not.
Then tomorrow comes and it’s an insanely hectic day in the office. You have no time to even take lunch and your expected leaving time of 4.30pm becomes 5.30pm.
Not that that is a problem or reason not to go because your partner would happily start dinner in your absence and you have nothing special to rush home for.
What do you do?
Let The Self Justification Begin
If you’re like most people here is the answer to that question.
Firstly, you probably start to notice every ache and pain in your own body.
You start to dwell on how hard working out is and how much a work out could add to those aches and pains the following morning.
You tell yourself you’ll go but you really don’t want to because you’re tired, not in a great mood and ravenously hungry due to not having eaten a proper meal since breakfast.
By this point the decision has already been made even if you don’t know it at a conscious level yet. You’re not going to the gym.
You may still take the gym route home from work, but it’s really not worth it because you’re fighting an uphill battle against your unconscious, a battle you’re unconscious isn’t in any mood to lose.
Without any effort on your behalf you now slip into self justification mode and you’re brilliant at it. I know that because every human being on the planet is, it’s what we do best.
- The gym hurts and it’s boring, can’t I just go tomorrow?
- I’m hungry and working out on an empty stomach is not good for me
- I need new running shoes because the ones I have are 5 years old and look a mess
- Oh, and fuck it! I forgot my headphones for my phone and I hate working out without music
By this stage your mood is lifting as your conscious mind is starting to cotton on to the fact that rather than a hot, sweaty and painful workout, it really has a nice glass of wine, a pleasant meal and a relaxing evening to look forward to.
Wave the gym bye-bye as you pass by the entrance because tomorrow will do.
I don’t know whether that particular scenario has ever played out for you, but I’m fairly sure that something similar has.
Something that involved you committing to doing something you’d sooner not do and then wanting a way out.
Maybe it wasn’t the gym. It could just as easily have been meditating, eating more healthily or even something as mundane as cleaning out the garage.
And there’s a great reason why so many people end up in situations like this and don’t understand why.
They presume they’re weak-willed, lack discipline or are just downright lazy.
For some people there may be an element of truth, but that’s not the real problem.
How Do I Stay Committed?
The real problem is focus.
In all of the above examples the person has allowed her focus to shift from what she is looking to achieve and all the massive upsides that getting fit will provide, toward short-term discomfort.
Think about all of those excuses.
They’re all designed to avoid the short-term pain of working out.
Not once did she focus on the great feeling that a workout creates with all those lovely beta endorphins flooding her body.
Not once did she think about how great she will feel in 6 months when the workouts start tp yield improved energy levels and a more supple and toned body.
And not once did she consider the way working out will increase stamina and lower her stress levels, thus helping her cope with the bad days much more easily.
And therein lies the key to staying on task. It’s not sheer bloody mindedness or willpower, it’s where you place your focus.
Focus on the big picture, focus on your values and focus on what will give you long-term happiness if you want to stay on task.
setting your goals is very easy but staying committed on it is indeed difficult. Great post. Thanks for the tips.
Tim,
What you described here is exactly what I did today. I said I would go to the gym but I found another excuse not to.
You’re right. I do lack focus. I’m so distracted with other things, and do not have my priorities aligned, so I let those get in the way instead of my commitment to my health.
And I’ll tell you, it feels horrible.
It felt horrible munching on that sushi I had for dinner I knew I didn’t deserve.
I’d have to make up for it now. But I’m very disappointed in myself.
The question is how do you stay focused? The how is not the problem, it’s the why that’s missing. So how do you stay focused on the why? Any tips? THIS is the question, after all, isn’t it? When the WHY is big enough, the hows take care of themselves so HOW do you stay focused on the WHY and thus avoid hyperbolic discounting Tim? ^_^
That’s maybe another post for another day Oz, because what you’re effectively asking me is how do we build habits.
Yes! Preach it Tim. Humans are so good at justification (myself heavily included). After 25 years of being undisciplined I am currently on the mission to become disciplined. It is HARD– as you said though it’s about focus. It’s hard to change the habit of looking at long-term goals rather than short- term discomfort. Thank you for the article. :)
-Michelle Thurman
Yep it’s hard but let’s do it!
Yes: Focus – it is important. The other element is discipline. Your “WHY” must be strong enough to keep you going. The WHY encompasses both focus and discipline.
For the first time in my life I decided to fast during the season of Lent (it’s a Catholic thing). Fasting doesn’t have to be going without food, but it must be something that makes you feel that you are giving up something you value. So I decided “no alcohol for the next 40 days, till after Easter”. Having a relaxing glass of red wine or a whisky has been – over many years – a well-loved routine that went along with equally relaxed conversation with my wife after work.
Come Easter Monday the 40 days are over and so far I haven’t broken the fast. My Christian “WHY” has been strong enough to prevail this far…but here comes the kicker: In order to succeed with a goal you also need to be accountable to someone about your goal, someone who keeps you on the straight and narrow, so to speak.
And to make you even more likely to succeed with your goal, have someone go along with you, to motivate and support you – to “share the burden”! So: Good luck with your next goal / attempt, Tim!
I think we’re on the same hymn sheet here, no pun intended. I agree if you r why is weak then no amount of focus will work, which is why I talk about values.
A ‘why’ that is values based should never be weak.
If it is then it probably isn’t values based in the first place.
I’ve fallen off the meditation wagon very hard and haven’t done so for months. So, I’ll be getting back on sometime this weekend and meditating daily, as it does help. I had told myself it really didn’t help when I found reasons to not meditate (too tired, etc.), but then now that I am not meditating, I feel like I’m missing something. So, back on it I go.
I’ve been doing well with avoiding sugar, but I need to restart again myself as there were leftover bagels in the break room at work the other day, and I was tired and hungry, so damn it, off plan I went. I feel and look so much better with no “wheat belly.” Damn it.
I got on back the meditation wagon today. I get pissed off with people who spout the 21,28,30* (delete where applicable) days to build a habit bullshit. I’ve done almost 100-days of meditation and still slipped back.
Loving the way you articulated this concept. Will keep in mind.
Good stuff Markus
Brilliant and so topical on Day 14 of the Whole30 diet. A sugar craving kicked in two days ago and I was doing exactly what you described in the post. I have been focusing on the wrong thing. Thanks you for bringing it to my attention.
It was that that prompted me writing it as I’d slid back again. The first 30 days seemed relatively easy, but doing it again is proving tough.
Re-set number 3 on Monday with this all in mind!