My Name Is Tim And I Have A Garden Gnome Addiction
Just over 10 years ago I had two discs in my neck removed at C4 and C5.
At the time I knew I had problems with other discs lower down and further procedures were probably going to be necessary at some stage.
I started having some discomfort a few months ago and made an appointment to see a spinal specialist.
During the consult he asked me about my previous surgeries and said, “I see you had a discectomy and spinal fusion in 2003.”
“No” I said, “I didn’t have a fusion, just the discectomy”
He looked at me blankly for a moment and then nodded slowly whilst saying, “Well we wouldn’t do that now, we’re a little bit more advanced thankfully”.
I’ve worked with a fair number of clients over the years who have experienced alcohol and other addictions, a good proportion of whom had been through the 12 Steps process via organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous.
When Does Recovering Move To Recovered?
Every single one one referred to him or herself as a recovering alcoholic, including one man who hadn’t had a drink for close on three decades
“When are you a recovered alcoholic” I asked him.
“Never” he replied almost triumphantly.
I have to be careful what I say here because AA and 12 Steps have helped hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people recover from alcohol addiction the world over.
Except they haven’t.
They haven’t helped anybody recover.
They have helped people move into remission
Remission is most definitely a preferable situation than the alternative, (just ask an oncology patient), but it’s not the same as recovery.
When 12 Steps started over three quarters of a century ago there were no fMRI’s, no PET Scans and as such very little known about the workings of the human brain other than conjecture through observations of behavior.
That’s not the case now. Now we understand that one of, if not the, biggest factor in making change, is the power of the human belief system.
Accepting There Is a Problem Is Always The Starting Point
Admitting that you have an addiction, whether it’s with alcohol, drugs or molesting garden gnomes is without doubt the first part in making change.
People in denial seldom change their circumstances.
However, declaring again and again you have an addiction even when you haven’t molested a garden gnome in 28 years can be counter-productive.
Your brain likes to be right almost as much as anything else. As such when you have a strong belief about something it will sift for information to support that belief. And it will find it.
Therefore, each declaration has your brain looking for and finding evidence that you still have an issue with white- bearded, brightly colored garden ornaments.
But what would happen if instead of the current 12 Steps approach it were changed to reflect what we now know about the workings of the human brain?
Sure if you have an addiction and you are still coming to terms with it, own it, at least to begin with. But don’t make it part of your identity forever.
A Change For The Better?
Perhaps after a year of staying away from gardengnomesareus.com the opening introduction could be:
“My name is Tim and I used to have a problem with garden gnomes, but now I’m better and looking forward to help other people recover from the clutches of the Devils playthings”
That statement does a number of positive things.
- It pushes the problem into the past and creates distance from it
- It helps the brain look for evidence to support the new belief rather than vice versa
- It presupposes that the problem won’t be an issue moving forward
Let me be clear about one thing. I know this won’t work more effectively for every person and that some people may use it as an excuse to slide back.
But the current way of doing things doesn’t work for everybody either, in fact far from it.
I’m merely playing a numbers game and saying science suggests it should be more likely to elicit the desired results than the current way of doing things.
I made a full recovery from my surgery in 2003, but that doesn’t I’m not delighted that if I ever need similar surgery the chances of success are even higher because science has moved forward.
Note: This post is absolutely NOT an attack on any 12 Steps program or organization committed to helping people with addictions, I’m merely throwing ideas out there and would welcome your take.
I feel that words are powerful and sometimes if you simply change your words, you change your thoughts. I know everybody is different. I do believe it a person says ” I was a former addict and now I am committed to helping others move forward” is a positive statement. The person accepts accountability for their past and acknowledges the present at the same time. This doesn’t give permission to the person to go touch a garden gnome, or have just one drink. Once we acknowledge what didn’t work for us in the past, we hopefully are committed to not putting ourselves at risk in the future.
Your addiction can be perfectly understood by any person who is fond of decorating the garden. These gnomes are so cute that they can perfectly create a fairy-tale-like atmosphere in the garden. I adore them.
It’s ok Maria I was joking I can say I have never possessed a garden gnome in my life!
First of all I cracked up when I saw the title of your article and that’s why I’m here – mission accomplished.
Okay, to the serious stuff. My ex was addicted to cocaine. I won’t bore anyone with the ugly side of that because the stories are all too familiar. What I will comment on is he eventually went through a stint in rehab and then a 12 step program. He gave up cocaine but started smoking like a chimney. I hated the smoking but figured it was part of the process because all the other people in his meetings smoked. Then one day he announced he was “cured” so he stopped going to meetings and started going for beers after work with the guys and within 6 months he was right back to the cocaine and lost his job and that’s when I finally left. I’m not bashing any of the 12 step programs, I can only relate to my own experience and whether it was the program or abject denial on his part it didn’t stick.
And that’s the thing Marquita, most people only have their own experience to go on and in my experience people are zealous in either their support or dislike of 12 Steps.
I don’t think I could have been clearer in saying I wasn’t knocking 12 Steps, yet a client yesterday thought I was doing exactly that and she is a strong believer in 12 Steps.
Interesting and thought provoking.
I think with addiction, there are usually multiple things at play – more than just one belief system. The reminder that you are “recovering” is essential for preventing many people from falling back into old habits; I’d suggest habits can be just as powerful as beliefs.
But maybe this is the golden calf for me.
Yeh for sure it’s not straight forward and people respond differently to different approaches.
And I’d agree about habits/beliefs in many respects although it’s beliefs that underpin habits.
Thought-provoking post, cheers Tim. I love Queen of String’s suggestion of researching alternate 12 steps. In particular, I welcome any moves to remove God from anything where He is not required – I’m all for a secular society. If wonderful charities like Samaritans can do it, I don’t see why AA can’t.
From watching interviews with Russell Brand, who is a reformed/reforming heroin addict, I can share his views: Something like 10% of people have a marked psychological difference from the general population in that they are simply unable to consume certain substances in moderation (like the rest of us). Russell knows from his own experience that he cannot drink (for example) in moderation because of his nature – he will binge immediately and ruin his life. I think it’s insightful and brave of Russell to have recognised this in himself and developed an appropriate attitude, bearing in mind the serious consequences of a relapse.
Bearing in mind that possibly a high proportion of addicts may have the same psychological predisposition to Russell, it would make sense for me that the 12 Steps would intentionally do everything to help prevent everyone from feeling “safe” (or even “safer”) to approach their substance of addiction.
In other words, with no sure-fire way to be able to tell which addicts may be able to handle moderation and which can’t, surely it’s better to err on the side of caution and do everything you can to almost frighten people of going near that substance again.
Perhaps in the future we’ll have better ways of detecting which people may be able to handle the sources of addiction in moderation, rather than waiting for them to get addicted and repeatedly relapse through trial & error.
I understand what you’re saying and the frustrating part is there’s no research that I’m aware of on this topic so were guessing, albeit intelligently hopefully!
You may be right Rob and this may not work the same for people with addictive personalities. Or it may work the same, or even better. I’m just keen to see alternatives tried out because where as 12 steps has helped thousands there are also thousands who it hasn’t helped one jot.
Can you start a clinical study and get back to me by next Monday please? ;)
I agree that the premise of never being a fully recovered alcoholic is detrimental to the success of people who join the programme. A way (even unintentional) to stay addicted to the programme itself?
Your statement as a recovered gnome addict: would the brain respond more positively if you removed the acknowledgement of the past addiction from it altogether?
‘My name is Tim and I help other people recover from their addiction to garden gnomes’
I can relate to this as I used to buy a lot of clothes, with no real reason as to why. It wasn’t an addiction as such, but definitely drained my bank account needlessly.
What stopped all of this? A statement of ‘I have enough clothes’. No need for acknowledging the issues of the past. Simple.
What’re your thoughts on this in relation to the brain? Is it better to acknowledge the addiction of the past, or accept it as gone and focus on just the future?
We’re trying to get the brain to look for information to support a new belief (that change has taken place) so ignoring the change would probably be detrimental.
If you were a true addict, saying “I have enough clothes’ would have zero effect in the same way as a drug addict saying “I’ve taken enough drugs in my life”
With the latter, I think it depends how far the person is along the recovery trail.
I am with you on recognising the difference the organizations who utilise 12 step programs have made to the lives of many. I also completely agree that they have their limitations, especially in the area of the long term beliefs they promote. It would be really interesting to run a trial where the second group used different affirmations and the substance/object of addiction was characterised differently eg is it necessary to regard the substance as an ongoing threat, one tiny sniff of which can throw you deep back into addiction? Is it useful to think that it is or are you just programming people to do so if they do chose to take a drink etc?
The other area that could be tested is the requirement to surrender ones self and your fate to a higher power (god). I think it was M. Scott Peck who described 12 step as the biggest program of religious conversion in the world. There are secular 12 steps but they are rare. This creates a problem for non believers who seek help with addicitions.
I agree that would make a fascinating experiment although I suspect the emotional investment in 12 steps by so many people would render any conclusions irrelevant.
The longer something has been around, the more people are invested in it emotionally, spiritually and financially, the less likely they are to believe that it isn’t the only way.
Surprised that M. Scott Peck said that as I thought The Road Less Traveled was a vehicle for conversion.