Confessions Of A Life Coach
Ok, so let me be upfront about this post. It’s very self-indulgent.
However, I think there’s an interesting message in the story you’re about to read and I hope you find it helpful.
On the other hand, if you think a Life Coach talking about medical issues (again) is a bit strange and/or boring, then read no further because that’s what I’m about to do.
If you didn’t read my post The Medical History of a Life Coach and the couple that followed, then this post won’t make as much sense.
On the other hand, the takeaway remains the same, so don’t feel obliged to go trawling back.
The Conclusion That Wasn’t
When I found out that I had a number of severe delayed food intolerance’s I was at the same time ecstatic and disappointed.
Ecstatic because I’d finally got to the root of a number of problems that had been plaguing me for over two decades, but disappointed that I could no longer eat eggs, spinach, mushrooms, peas, salmon, tuna, lobster and a host of other foods I’d previously enjoyed.
It was apparently the food intolerance’s that were triggering a series of events leading to fatigue, stomach pain and issues around sleeping.
At a very basic level this was how it was explained to me:
- Eating foods that the body is intolerant to leads to a damaging of the intestine
- The body produces cortisol via the adrenal glands to repair the damage
- Eating more of the unhelpful foods means the adrenals are constantly working over time
- The adrenal glands get fatigued and can no longer produce enough cortisol to boost normal energy, never mind repair the damage
The reasoning goes, if you remove the guilty foods the stomach will repair itself and so will the adrenals over a period of time.
To help the process along I was placed on hydrocortisone and testosterone and a whole host of other supplements too numerous to mention and too expensive to even think about.
I was also prescribed Thyroxine because blood results had shown my thyroid function to be low which was weird as my blood work was normally ok.
There is one slight drawback with the above theory.
It’s total and utter bollocks!
Delayed food intolerance tests, unbeknown to me, are unreliable at best, and according to some scientists, quackery at worst.
Months after rigorously cutting out all the ‘bad’ foods, taking all my meds and supplements, I was not only not improving, but I was feeling slightly worse. I was also about $2k down on the deal.
I’m naturally a very optimistic person. Even when I’m in a bad mood or things aren’t going according to plan I can always see light at the end of the tunnel.
Then something remarkable happened about three or four months ago.
I lost hope
For the first time in my life I started to think I’d never find out what the hell was wrong with me and I would continue to deteriorate to the point where I’d have to quit work. And it really got me down.
I mean really got me down, to the stage where I didn’t have the will to do anything outside of client work.
I’m not stupid and I have dealt with enough clients in similar situations to know what depression looks like.
It looked like me.
Seriously, do you know how difficult it is for a Life Coach to make such an admission?
After all, I help people improve the quality of their lives and I should be able to help myself first and foremost, right?
Part of me thinks, “You lose credibility admitting to something like that”
And the other part of me thinks “You lose credibility not admitting to something like that”
I went to see my doctor to explain my situation and see if he could offer any help.
He could.
It was called Prozac.
“But I’m a Life Coach, I can’t take anti-depressants” I whined.
“You can if you’re depressed” he replied.
So I took the script.
A few weeks later and I’m still down, but I also feel like I have the flu but without any of the cold-like symptoms.
Prozac obviously didn’t like me, which was cool by me, because I didn’t like it.
On my doctors recommendation I made an appointment to see an endocrinologist to work out why my thyroid function was so poor and what medication I needed to be on, if any.
The endocrinologist was aghast when I told him that I was still on hydrocortisone and testosterone and they were having little discernible effect.
He told me the former was a night and day treatment. Meaning, it doesn’t work a bit, it either has people bouncing out of the bed in the morning with crazy energy, or it doesn’t work.
And if it doesn’t work, you get people off it a.s.a.p. as it’s a steroid and not designed for long-term use.
I’ll not bore you with the details, but he explained why I couldn’t have a thyroid problem, but that I almost certainly had a pituitary issue and he also suspected I had fibromyalgia and should see a rheumatologist.
I went back to my PCP and said the Prozac was making me feel worse and I didn’t want it.
I also told him I what the endocrinologist said and he concurred on the fibromyalgia and suggested I take Cymbalta as it has side effects that benefit fibromyalgia.
I agreed because I still felt crap and was prepared to do whatever was necessary.
Meditation or Medication?
Around that time in August I got a newsletter from Wildmind announcing that they were starting an online meditation course lead by Buddhist teacher Bodhipaksa.
For about 4 years I rarely went more than a couple of days without meditating, but I realized I’d almost entirely stopped over the last few months and I didn’t even know why, other than the lame excuse of being busy or tired
So I started again and signed up for the course determined to get back into the flow.
A few days after starting the Cymbalta I started getting the most insane night sweats you can imagine. I was sweating more than a Bunny rabbit who’d fallen into a pit full of sleeping snakes.
Sure my muscle pain eased a great deal, but I was dragging the bedding through the wash most mornings and I was having really vivid dreams.
I started reading up on the drug (in hindsight, something I should have done prior to agreeing to take it) and quite frankly, it scared me shitless.
Stories of how hard it was to get off, limited effectiveness and debilitating side effects didn’t cheer me up. The cost was insane too. I have a great insurance plan now, but the co-pay was still $30 for a months supply
It then dawned on me that there was light at the end of the tunnel again and I was feeling hopeful again and I was pretty damn sure it was more down to the meditation than the medication.
Fibromyalgia is manageable, as are pituitary issues, and I don’t need anti-depressants just to help ease some muscle discomfort that’s more of an annoyance than anything.
Cold Turkey
I then did something that I would never recommend anybody else do.
I stopped taking the Cymbalta without easing off it. I figured that as I’d only been on it 3 or 4 weeks I could deal with the withdrawal.
It wasn’t quite that straight forward, but I stuck with it nevertheless.
In fact, for the last 6 weeks since the course started I’ve been meditating every single day for at least 30 minutes and sometimes twice a day.
The difference has been remarkable and confirms everything I ever thought about meditation, but didn’t always practice.
I’m sleeping better, I feel healthier and I have more energy and focus without the aid of any meds whatsoever.
It’s not an upward curve and I still have bad days, like the day before my book was launched when me energy went through the floor.
However, whereas that’s not fun, I know it’s just a passing phase and it will sort itself out and at least I can eat mushrooms again!
I’m delighted to say that I have my hope back, I feel good and I’m honestly not sure if I could have done it without that fortuitous e-mail dropping in my inbox at just the right time from my friend Bodhipaksa that spurred me on.
Note: Whereas I am a huge fan of meditation and think would encourage anybody to take it up, I’m not suggesting anybody quit on their meds the way I did.
If you’re on anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication, use the two side by side until you and your doctor think you can start to phase the pills out.
Interesting post. Thanks for finding this for us. Do You work in coaching industry maybe?
Wow – I can believe that was VERY tough to share with us. Probably more tough than actually going through the process! Thank you, Tim.
I think it’s great you found out so much about yourself during this ordeal. It does suck it cost so much money, but how is one to value that knowledge and the application thereof.
I have gathered some great “whole body / interaction” learnings from your journey here, Tim. Thank you!
Wow…so much could be said about this post…Thanks for sharing, Tim!
Trust me when I say that after over 21 years of providing psychotherapy to folks (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist by trade), as well as providing Life Coaching in the last few years, I have seen my share of medical misdiagnosis…if not erroneous diagnosis of the problem, then certainly misdiagnosis of what will be helpful. Medication is very often seen as the answer, and it is not always helpful…even can be counter-productive! It often masks what is going on, which is often something at a spiritual, mental, and/or emotional level that will not necessarily respond to drugs (legal or otherwise!)
Depression is very often what I call “a thinking disorder”, meaning we think “oh shit…life sucks, it will never get better, and then you die” and then, go figure, we get depressed. Who wouldn’t with all that going on in your head!
Also, we tend to assume depression is bad, when really it is part of life and unavoidable at some point or other in our lives. The problem is not that we have bouts of depression, but rather that we interfere with the depression and try to “fix” it, so we can be our old happy selves again. But the truth is, we are emotional creatures, therefore depression, being an emotion, is a natural part of being human.
Part of the reason meditation “helps” is that it is the one thing that encourages our minds to practice being with what “is”, without trying to change it. It encourages us to watch the mischief our mind naturally entertains itself with, and suggests that we merely label it as “thinking” and come back to the breathe, or whatever we are using as a focal point.
Meditation is non-violent, and allows us to “be” our natural selves without judgement about what is going on in our mind, while gently and lovingly suggesting we let whatever it is move through our mind…on to the next thing without hanging on to it (attraction) or trying to forcefully get rid of it (aversion).
If we practice this in our lives as well as while “practicing” meditation, we will be more content and at peace with whatever is going on in whatever moment we are experiencing it. Thus…depression, anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, etc…will be observed with more acceptance and curiosity instead of with distress.
Sorry for the extra long comment, Tim. Couldn’t help myself!
No worries on the long comment although my 5.30pm client will have to wait.
And yes, what you said ;-)
Keep hanging in there, Tim. It’s so great to hear that meditation has been working when modern medicine has failed you.
I absolutely loved when you mentioned:
Prozac obviously didn’t like me, which was cool by me, because I didn’t like it.
Something about the medical terminology that doctors use: Sometimes they say: “The patient failed the medication”. When in reality, the medication failed the patient.
Absolutely.
We used to have a saying in sales to demonstrate a similar point “There’s no resistant buyers, just resistant sales people”
Hey Tim, I think because of your experiences, you will be able to help people better since there’s authenticity there. People will be able to relate to you better because instead of a demi-god life coach, you are a real person who others can relate to.
As for the doctors, yes, you have to be careful. Since I was actually in the pharma industry for many years, I know for a fact that not all doctors are alike. Some are up to date and sharp while some are not. Unfortunately, that’s reality. That’s why if I get a consult, I always do some research and go for the folks with the best reputations, in the teaching hospitals if at all possible.
Good luck with the rest of your health journey.
Thanks for good wishes but I’m crushed I can’t aim for “demi-god life coach” on Google ;-)
If you do a bit of research you can find some very frightening statistics on the number of people killed each year in the medical system through misdiagnosis and the intake of unnecessary medications.
And I wonder how many avoid death but, like you, come to a depressed state through losing hope of finding help for their condition.
We have to be our strongest advocate when it comes to healthcare and if you don’t feel good about the treatment you are receiving, keep talking until you find someone you trust that demonstrates clearly that they have your best interest at heart.
I am proud of you posting this Tim because there is the unwritten rule that Life Coaches have to have it all sussed with an absolute no downtime rate. It’s simply not possible but too many of us think that admitting that is a loss of credibility. Well done you!
“We have to be our strongest advocate when it comes to healthcare”
I’m not sure I’d even thought of that a few years ago, but now I agree 100%!
I don’t want to be reported by the pill police Tim but they are a waste of time! Doctors make us automatically feel we need medication and artificial tablets BEFORE trying any other resource. A decade ago I was severely depressed and put on Prozac which I hated – it was a spur to me. I came off them quickly on my own, had some counselling and positive sessions with a qualified friend, spent time outside in nature, and enjoyed feel good TV comedies and films. Soon I was on the up. Six months later the doctor said I come wean myself off the Prozac now as they had done what nothing else could. I ask you? What chance have we when doctors are so in league with pharmaceutical companies? It seems natural healing is not allowed anymore and considered dangerous. It’s the pill medical world that’s the real killer in disguise!!
LOL, that’s funny! Although Also I suspect a lot more common than we realize. Glad you took the wise route John!
Wow. Amazing story. I agree with you. Most life coaches seem to have a perfect life on paper, and I never trust those. Someone whose life is perfect could never help me, because I am not perfect…
Just as a side: Have you considered doing values work on the area of health, and after you have alligned your values, thought about using your unconscious mind to erase the cause of your symptoms?
I strongly believe in the power of the unconscious mind to heal our body and get it back to the original blueprint of health.
“Someone whose life is perfect could never help me, because I am not perfect…”
I like that.
And in response to your conscious mind, I’m kind of doing something similar.
That crazy meditation again. Weird. :)
I have done it over and over again – I fall asleep every time. I wake up and realize ‘wow, I’ve done it again’.
Glad to hear things improved, though. Keep it up!
Do a walking meditation then Brock. OTOH, you may still nod off and then fall over and hurt yourself.
Maybe stick to napping. Napping is good too.
After reading this post, I felt happy and touched.
I can somehow relate to you since I’ve lost hope in myself before. However, your positive outlook in life amazes me. It reminds me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. :)
Thank you for this inspiring post.
You’re welcome Karel, and seriously, I’m not amazing, we ALL are!
Interesting timing on this article because I did my first meditation retreat last weekend. I know exactly what you mean about meditation completely changing the way you look at the world. It’s pretty remarkable when you think about it.
I’m glad you’re doing better and look forward to talking to you soon.
I’d love to do a retreat, but fear that I’d end up coming home with the saffron robe and refusing to eat meat.
Looking forward to hearing how it went mate.
About seven years ago, I started working with an actual Psychiatrist (Medical Doctor who can both talk about your problems AND prescribe medicines) for the first time in my life. I had given thousands of dollars over the years to “Therapists” and “Counselors” and people with a MSW in Social Work, or those who had a certificate in “mind/body loofah rubbing” or stuff like that. Some helped, most didn’t.
And this was one tough broad, from the tough neighborhoods of New York. She was 70 years old and was probably 80 pounds, soaking wet. Called on all my bullshit, charged me whether I showed up or not, told me the work was all mine to do.
Together, we combined talk therapy and trials of several medications over six months until we found the right combinations for me. Several didn’t work at all, some made me even more nuts, some make me sick. But eventually, I solved some real problems that were holding me back in business and in my personal life.
She’s not practicing any longer, or I’d be driving buses of people to her office every week. And I tell people that if your GP can’t help you, it could be because he also treats broken legs, runny noses, and VD. I’d never go anywhere other than a Psycho ever again.
I am sheepishly removing my mind/body loofah rubbing certificate as we speak.
Agree with that last bit. GP’s have way too much on their plate and earn way too much from prescribing meds too.
Hey buddy. Thank you so much for always being the real deal. It’s what makes you different and really worth listening to. Maximum respect, mate.
It’s a testament to your strength and dedication to helping others that virtually no-one here would have guessed you were depressed.
I’ve started reading Mr B’s book. Thanks for the tip. It’s making something I’d considered ‘not for me’ interesting, enjoyable and useful.
Big virtual man hugs. You rock.
Wow, tow lots of man hugs from two guys in the UK.
Does it get any better than that? I think not ;-)
I think one of the problems with doctors today is that they are too quick to prescribe medicine that merely masks symptoms or have terrible side effects, while doing nothing to cure or stop what is causing the problem. Although I’m not a life coach (yet… I’m considering doing it though), I commend you on your confession. It helps make you seem more real.
Hope you keep feeling better!
I agree 100% that it is waaaaaay too easy to get meds in this country. A lot less so in the UK I hasten to add because doctors don’t get paid on prescribing medication.
Maybe that tells us a lot about the health system?
So glad you wrote this because so often those of us in the ‘helping’ professions forget to get the help WE need ourselves!
It’s also given me the kick in the butt reminder I needed to get back into my own meditation practice. So thanks for that! And thanks for, once again, walking the talk! Love that about you :)
Butt kickings are actually invoiceable Sandi!
If you do your meditation though I’ll waive the invoice just this once.
I am glad that you wrote about this and broached the topic that people who are in helping professions don’t have to be perfect and can’t always help themselves.
Do hope you feel loads better real soon.
I feel loads better now thanks Susie and I am my normal self when it comes to mood etc.
Whereas the increased meditation hasn’t resolved my physical issues (I need a load more blood work this week) it has definitely eased them, and that’s good enough for me!
ALWAYS appreciate your transparency, Tim. I love how you so clearly concluded “You lose credibility not admitting to something like that.” Right on!
Not that every life coach would necessarily have to make the same decision, but given that you’ve identified integrity as a main value of yours and based your blog on showing how to make the most of the ups AND downs of life, I think your talking about this fits perfectly and definitely gives you more credibility, not less. Your readers can count on you for “realness” and I, for one, admire that greatly!
This is also a great example of knowing yourself and listening to your instincts and following your gut. A lot of people would’ve just kept taking the pills, assuming the doctor knew best and they shouldn’t question it.
Depression sucks — I’m glad you’re finding your way out. The way you talk about meditation almost sounds like you’ve rediscovered an old friend you’d lost touch with — I hope it has you feeling better and better!
Depression does suck, but maybe sampling it first hand was a blessing?
That’s a good analogy too and maybe without those few weeks of being down I’d have never gotten back into meditation again and that would have sucked worse than the depression did….I think.
I knew having me as a client would push you over the edge :-)
Very honourable post dude… Must’ve taken a lot of balls to talk about this…
Glad you’re on the mend, and yeah, meditation is the one.
All my love.x xxxx
No mate you didn’t push me over the edge.
You dragged me across a field to the edge. Then you pushed me off. And then you climbed down and jumped on top of my crumpled body!
Man kisses back at ya!
Wow!! Your post touched my heart. I’ve not had health issues to this degree. However, I’ve had some life issues that have challenged me mentally. Being an optimistic person myself, admitting I was dealing with depression was a difficult thing. Finding my way through it was equally challenging. I’m really impressed to see you blog about it. You gained the respect of at least one person. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Kim. It was a really weird realization, and I’m even glad I took the pill route first because if I hadn’t I may not have learned so much about myself.
Tim,
Good for you for calling BS on diagnoses, pills and treatments that just didn’t work for you!
Sometimes it’s tough working with a health problem that is acting sneaky and vague.
Hopefully you feel 100% soon!
It’s definitely been sneaky and vague, but I *think* I’m getting there. Just bummed I wasted 6 months with this food thing and spent a load of cash, but you live and learn….hopefully ;-)