Just Ask the Damn Question
Shortly after I moved to the US in early 2006 I bought a copy of the bestseller ‘The Why Cafe’ by John P Strelecky.
I forget now what question prompted me to e-mail the author, but e-mail him I did and asked for some feedback.
I was shocked when the reply came back within an hour suggesting we meet up for breakfast the following week.
I’d no idea that John lived literally less than 5 minutes down the road from me, he could have been anywhere on the planet for all I knew.
Life is weird like that sometimes, eh?
A couple of years later and I was playing golf with John when I asked him what his next book was going to be about. It’s going to be called ‘How To Be Rich and Happy‘ he announced with a big smile.
I stifled a chuckle because that sounded a little too grand for my tastes.
“Do you want to take a look at the publishers proposal and let me have your thoughts?” he asked me. “Sure” I responded thinking more of how I was going to get my ball out of the water than the book.
The following day John sent me the proposal and I ‘filed’ it to look at later, but never did. That is until we arranged to play again and I remembered saying I’d read it, so I frantically dug it out so I could offer the promised feedback.
I Asked The Question
I was blown away by the concept and immediately thought I could add a lot to it. When the topic came up on the round I told John I really liked it, but also that I thought I could make it better and we should write it together.
He agreed.
Earlier this week I went to Johns to pick up the hard copy versions of the books that have now published in Netherlands, France and Taiwan (Germany and China to follow) that our agent had sent.
We were talking about what to do next when John said, “You know, I get lots of e-mails and lots of people telling me how amazing it would be to write a book, but you are the only person that’s ever asked if you could co-author”
Even though we talk about the power of asking for help in How To Be Rich and Happy, it had never occurred to me that if I’d not asked John the book wouldn’t even exist as it is now.
If I had never e-mailed John and asked him a question we would never have become friends.
If John hadn’t asked me to read the proposal, we would never have co-authored it.
If I hadn’t asked John if I could co-author he wouldn’t have offered.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness (just the opposite) and it’s not impinging on somebody. I get loads of requests for help and time and sanity restraints mean I turn most down, but here’s the crux:
I don’t begrudge any of them because I have a choice. I’m a big boy and can say ‘no’ if something isn’t right for me.
So can the person who may be in a position to help you.
More importantly though, they can also say yes, but you’ll never know until you ask the question.
As Wayne Gretzski said:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
Some people stress about rejection as this point, but the fact is even if they say ‘no’ you are in exactly the same position as you were before.
Actually no, strike that you’re in a better position because:
- You can move on and give somebody else the opportunity to say ‘yes’
- You won’t be looking back in 20 years time thinking “Why was I such wuss?”
The Rich and Happy Sale
To celebrate the triple launch of How To Be Rich and Happy we’re slashing the price for a limited period.
The hard copy in English is currently only available on our site and retails for $25. As I’m sure you know all that money goes into printing copies of the book to give to good causes, John and I don’t take a penny out for ourselves.
Until February 14th (I know, we’re such romantics) you can grab it for just $10 plus shipping.
The PDF version sells for $19 and you can grab that for a measly $4, or a tad less than a venti soy latte from your favorite purveyor of fine ground beans.
All you need to do is go to the site, click on the button for the format you’d prefer and then enter coupon code “justask” and you get a great deal and help good causes to boot.
Woo-hoo baby!
Can You Help Me Please?
Ok so I told you to ask for help, and I’m practicing what I preach by asking for your help if I may be as so bold, and I may because it’s my blog.
- If you have read the book leave a comment for others that maybe haven’t and encourage them to grab a copy
- Tweet, Facebook, Google+ etc this post
- Tell people about the book
- Let us know if you know of any good causes that could benefit by receiving free copies of the book
- Go to Save Heidi and sign the petition to stop the outrageous culling of a dog that go too excited
- Send me a million dollars in used notes to my PO Box address
Absolutely you were right about asking help is not a sign of ignorance nor a sign of weakness but instead it’s a significant mark that there are some things which is not meant to be handle alone.
Just ordered the book and am excited to delve into it! The more I learn, the more I realize I need to learn and the more I want to learn.
As for Heidi…Thank goodness she is safe and sound at home with her family. Issue resolved!!
Carrie
Agreed! Common sense prevailed after all.
Enjoy the book Carrie!
Hi Tim,
How well timed! Just about everyone I have been speaking with this week has been advising that I have the balance wrong – too much give and too little asking the question. So I asked – and now have a nice new little business opportunity blooming that I never thought possible! I’d say definitely don’t be afraid to ask.
Excellent stuff, good for you Linda!
Interestingly enough I used to adopt a similar approach, but now I usually end consults with “Go with your gut instinct. if its’ telling you to hire me, then hire me. If it’s saying don’t, then don’t!”
Not very salesy I know, but then again I had 20 years of salesy ;-)
Hi Tim, thanks for the great story!
I’m a life coach in training, and one of the lessons I’ve learned early on, and one that has been continually reinforced, is to ask a potential client something like, “Do you have any objections to hiring me as your coach?”
The whole intention is to, as you say, get the yes or the no out in the air so we can take the next step, whether that be completing the conversation, moving forward with our relationship, or for the both of us to look at it and learn something together.
I’ve noticed that fear typically blocks us from asking the question. For me it is often a fear of rejection.
But I also recognize that it’s just a question. And I recognize that I’ve layered my own value as a person onto the answer that I might get.
When I shift my relationship to asking questions… For example, when I look at asking questions/making requests from the stand point of “it’s just a request with 3 possible answers: yes, no, maybe (which is also a yes)” and remove the extra layer of meaning I put on the question, the experience is so much lighter and easier for me.
And the funny thing is, when I just ask if they will hire me, I’m surprised to find that usually they say ‘yes’ :)
What an inspiring post — and thank you so much for offering your ebook at such a ridiculously low cost! Definitely can’t argue with $4 — bookmarking this and purchasing this evening! I’ve got some major life changes coming up, and I could use the insight.
You’re welcome Sarah and I hope you enjoy it!
Done!
I love what you said about asking for help. It’s so strange because I was writing an article earlier today about the importance of both giving and receiving. It seems that some people just give, give, give and they never reach out to get help from others.
My grandmother always said, a closed mouth doesn’t get fed. We have to ask for help, accept that we may be turned down at times, and receive when someone is willing to give. It’s humbling and 100% worth it.
It makes me think of the Martyr Mom syndrome, where they give all the time for their kids and have nothing left for themselves. Can be very sad.
‘Asking the question’ is very similar to what we were always told during my former corporate sales career. Too often, sales people go through their sales calls without actually asking the question (or asking for the business). We were told that it doesn’t hurt to ask for the business. The worse case scenario is that if the client says no, we may be able to find out why.
Oh yeah, as a Canadian, I caught the typo Frank did too – GRETZKY, the Great One as he is known to us proud Canucks :)
I want to scream EUREKA! I think one of the biggest mistakes sales people make is not asking for the order. Nice one Clint.
who is wayne gretzki exactly? did you mean wayne gretzky the professional ice hockey player?
No I mean Wayne Gretzki the guy that owns the gun shop down the road.
Ok, so I’ve helped try to save Heidi, I’ve facebooked you, I’ve google+ you, I’ve even +1 you! I’m about to head over to buy the book. And as much as I love you Tim, I’m not sending you a million dollars. LOL.
Boo! You are soooo mean ;-)
I tried sending the following text through your contact form, but it does not seem to work.
———————
Hello Tim,
I recently came across your post “Just Ask The Damn Question” through Reddit.com/r/ZenHabits
I’d never heard of you before but I liked what you said and how you said it, so I bought your book.
I decided to buy the ebook version to enjoy on my Kindle… however, once I downloaded the book I realized it is in .pdf format. That is not a great format for the kindle or for most e-readers in fact, as the formatting is fixed and the text doesn’t flow well.
I thought I’d ask if you by any chance had a text only version (something like a Word document) or maybe even a Mobi version (the standard for ebook readers).
Either way, thank you for your time, and if you don’t have either then that’s ok, but I suggest you consider such a format for future publications.
Thanks again and have a good one!
-Rodrigo.
Got it 9 times Rodrigo!
I have replied.
I’m sorry! The form doesn’t give any sort of confirmation! The text doesn’t disappear, and while it confirms when there is information missing, when it did work it said and did nothing. I apologize for the intense spamming and I will await for your response. Thanks!
No worries Rodrigo, I think there’s a problem with the form, because the same issue happened with somebody else.
Everyone should read how to be rich and happy at least once . I’ve only gotten a few chapters done my self but I have much better insight on my relationship with money and know there are more insights waiting for me once I get more of the book read. Be sure to do the “exercises” to get full insight.
Thanks Jenn!
I hope some day there is going to be a publication of the book in Greece!Good luck with the upcoming publications :D
Some friends and I have signed the petition and hope justice shall be properly served(would it be ok if I published the petition on my facebook page to urge people to sign it?)
Have a great weekend Tim :D
Good man! And one day I too hope to see it in Greek, that would be very cool.
Done (except the money). That poor doggie! I need to finish my 2nd read of your book and start implementing more of its ideas.
I love that Wayne Gretzski quote. Where there’s a will, there’s a way!
I know, if I meet the go who broke his nose I’d break it again for him, the wanker.
If the dog had ripped his nose off fair enough, but to put it down is outrageous.