Forgive Me, For I Have Sinned
I have a confession to make. In the great scheme of things I don’t think it’s particularly a huge confession, but let’s face it any Life Coach making confessions has to be a bit juicy, right?
After all, I could be about to admit that I am a wife-beater, a drug addict or that I find Reality TV insightful, thought provoking and morally stimulating. That would get the fingers pointing, and the tongues wagging. Or even better, I could be a drug addict Life Coach that beats his wife whilst watching Reality TV.
I don’t think I’ve ever been on any life coach based training where at least half the people there weren’t primarily working on themselves. In fact, as I have said many times, it was how I got into coaching. At the time I was more stressed than the Mother of a kid suffering from Tourette Syndrome that has just been told he’s been chosen to represent his school and meet the Pope.
I needed help if I was to survive my 40’s, so off I trotted to train as a Life Coach. I had no intentions of becoming a Life Coach, but plenty of intention in picking up skills that could not only help me, but hopefully also the people I worked with.
That lasted about 30 minutes by which time I was hooked. Even though I’d been reading self-development books for years and even done a stress management diploma course, it never really crossed my mind to do this stuff for a living. Until that is I saw what was involved and how much fun it was.
Back to the confession. It dawned on me the other day that I have stopped working on myself as much as I used to. I have let my guard slip, gotten complacent and started to take certain things about myself for granted. That’s something that I advise clients to be wary of, yet here I was not even taking my own advice, what a hypocrite!
I had a number of legitimate reasons, or as we call them in coaching circles, excuses, including the arrival of a cute new puppy, but so what? Everybody’s got excuses, right? The fact is I’ve been sliding backwards faster than a buttered snake on a ski slope and I’m not comfortable with that.
On September 28th I’ll be in St Louis to see my beloved Rams play the Buffalo Bills. That will not be a weekend of abstinence, but the 4 weeks prior to then will be.
Ever since Robin Sharma mentioned 30 day trials in the excellent ‘The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” a few years ago and they then got adopted by Steve Pavlina there has been a rash of people jumping on the 30 day trial bandwagon. The theory is that anybody can do something new for a short period of time and 30 days isn’t going to overwhelm too many people quite like the declaration of quitting something for the rest of their life can have a tendency to do.
At the end of the trial you either go back to how things were before or maintain the new behavior. It’s not complicated, but it is effective.
So as of midnight on August 31st this is what I am committing to doing and I want YOU to keep on my case and make me stick to my promises.
- No alcohol
- No red meat
- No caffeine
- No cakes or candy
- No white flour
- Visit the gym at least 4 times per week
- Meditate at least 7 times per week
I may well add to this list as I think of other things, but these are the starting points. I’m going to keep track in a journal of how I feel (can’t wait for that caffeine withdrawal headache to kick in on about day 2!) on a day-by-day basis to see if it affects my energy levels etc
What about joining me? I’d love to have some company.
What if you committed to changing/improving one thing that you’ve been talking about for ages? The act of doing that in public is a huge step forward and when you know that other people are supporting you and hoping you succeed, it makes it so much easier.
It’s only 4 weeks and I’m happy to help out in anyway I can. If you have any questions life coaching related around what it is you want to achieve, I’ll answer them here and help you reach your goal.
I know you’d like to make at least one or two changes, so if not now, when?
Tim,
I will be getting on board with this very soon. I would have started already but I’ve been laid low with a cold. And it’s not an excuse it’s proper man flu. I’ll let you know what I’m doing soon.
Hope your detox is going well or even grteat
Dave
Tim,
Congrats on making a commitment to yourself! So often we are the last one’s on our own priority list. I wish you success, health, and happiness with your life changes!
I am coming on this post a bit late, but hereby commit to re-losing the weight i lost last year (then regained). That is 50 lbs. To be specific, i will do this by working out at the gym at least 3 times per week, re-committing to drinking only water and occasional juice, reducing my portion sizes, and watching the make-up of the food i eat.
I have a new son (5 months), and I want him to grow up with healthy eating habits — so that is my driving force.
I will keep you on track and checking on you will help me as well. Now i have to find your recent post to see how your first week went!
thank you. Things need to be mentioned for them to be known. =)
@ Dave – Good point, maybe I’ll reduce it to 2.
@ Melissa – Hey congratulations on being pregnant, I didn’t know that, not that I was particularly likely to. Best of luck with everything I hope it goes great!
Woo! That is a little much to take on at once, isn’t it? But more power to you!!! Good Luck! I’ve been cutting back as much as possible on everything because I’m pregnant… It’s more I have to than I want to. =( I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since April.
when my wife suggested 3 meals tonight
Tim,
I think you could probably cut down on your gym time if you only ate ONE meal each evening. I’m no expert, but 3 meals sounds excessive. :-o
@ Kelly – I’ll spell out my reasons in a post tomorrow and re-commit to what I’m going to do. It seems insane and that may be because it is, we will find out.
@ Chris – No problem bud, this is a very personal thing and when my wife suggested 3 meals tonight and 2 of them were cooked with wine I nearly burst into tears ;-)
I support you 100% but this doesn’t mean that I’m going to follow you…I need my diet coke, my meat and sugar. I will visit the gym 4 times a week starting tomorrow after I get rid of this miserable head cold.
Man, no meat, caffeine, alcohol, and sugar? What do you want me to eat during dinner air?LOL
Mate, you’re on your own with that one. I can’t think of a single reason why you’d want to give up everything good in life!
Is this some kind of self flagellation kink you’ve got going on? Now that would be interesting…
Best of luck though. I’ll toast your efforts tonight over a glass of red while I chow down on a rump steak, followed by home made apple pie for dessert. But I won’t enjoy myself, I promise.
Kelly
@ Amy – Good for you on the smoking and alcohol. I’ve never been a smoker so that is one thing I don’t have to worry about quitting. I like that research btw, too man people think you have to work at one thing at once. My personal opinion is that it really is down to the individual.
@ Karl – That makes a lot of sense but I like to aim high ;-) I can do it, that’s all that matters. Whether I do or not is going to be interesting. I will be totally honest though.
@ Ali – It’s a tad daunting for me, but having you guys holding me accountable really does help. It’s like running a marathon on your own, or running one in front of thousands of spectators, which do you think would most inspire you? I’m inspired ;-)
@ EA – So maybe now is the right time for you to recommit, huh?
@ Davina – Thanks for that ray of light! It could be the one that makes all the difference when I’m thinking of back-sliding ;-)
I gave up eating meat and alcohol long ago. I quit smoking six months ago. My current quest is giving up sugar. It’s been a week, but I will join you already in progress.
Again, good luck on your mission.
I’ve read studies that show giving up many things at once, or making a lot of changes at once, helps a person be more successful, because it is like creating a new identity. I hung on to that while quitting smoking, but also found it interesting.
Cheers. :-)
Gee I dunno Tim. That’s too many NOs for me and I’ll add one more… NO I’m out :-) I’m on vacation as of the 2nd. But, I will be lighting a candle and meditating every day so will send you a ray of silver light. You Go Guy!
One thing though… my intuition is checking in here…
When you look at this list do you feel motivated, or “should”-ated? It feels like you are punishing yourself for “slipping”.
If that’s just my “stuff”, then take it away, and have a fantastic transformation!
Good luck! I have given up alcohol and go to the gym 3 times per week. I’ve also cut down on sugar and am supposed to be eating it on only 2 days per week, but I’ve let this one drift. Must get back to it…
Those are some impressive goals, Tim! I’ve given up alcohol before (for Lent) and found it easier than expected. And I keep my caffeine intake fairly low. But giving up cakes and candy for a whole month would be pretty daunting to me! Good luck!!
Wow that’s a tall order. I’m not sure how close you are to reaching those goals before you posted them, but I know that wouldn’t be good for me. I say go for it, but if you keep falling off the wagon, just cut a few from the list and narrow your focus. Try doing just one or two of these for thirty days then add one or two the next month.
@ Jennifer – I just drove 4 miles to a Starbucks because as we are running the stuff down we’re abstaining from, we ran out of coffee and I didn’t think it was worth buying any more. Ok, so on the one side, great that I wasn’t tempted to buy any more, but the flip side is not so good that 2 days before I’m due to give up I’m prepared to drive an 8 mile round trip to get my fix!
@ Carol – Phew, I was all worried for a moment.
@ Leanne – I’ve done the caffeine thing 3 or 4 times and know what you mean. I use mainly guided meditation either with music or speech. And yes I do intend to strut around looking cool (in my mind) without actually doing anything.
@ Dave – Loosing bladder function is never funny Dave and don’t you forget it.
Forget reality TV – this is reality blog at its best!
Leanne Wrote:
What are you going to do when you get to the gym? Watch TV, check out the gym bunnies, hand out your life coach business card?
LMFAO
I nearly lost bladder control. That’s soooo funny. ;-)
I am actually concerned for your welfare. I have decided that you can wear your striped shirt – if that will help you.
With or without striped shirt I wish you well. I have done the total withdrawal from caffeine thingy in the past and had a horrible headache for about 3 days.
Tim, I am curious about the meditation you do. Do you use guided meditation stuff or do your own thing?
I use guided meditation – a mixture of guided imagery and tracks that focus on breathing/and/or/muscle tensing & relaxing.
Oh and the visit the gym “promise” is a bit lame. What are you going to do when you get to the gym? Watch TV, check out the gym bunnies, hand out your life coach business card?
@ CArol – No, no, and thrice no! I don’t want to hear people saying it’s ambitious, that’s when my mind starts saying “She’s right you know, you haven’t got a hope in hell you may as well quit now and spare yourself the public humiliation!” Ok, maybe not, but you get what I mean.
What I meant was…Go Tim! You can do it! After you conquer this THEN you can tackle something ambitious!
Go Tim! I would like to make that confession too – not working on myself as much. I am working on me, but I too have slipped. I can make a ton of excuses, but the reality still exist and excuses get you nowhere.
Like many of the other readers I already don’t do most of the things you are abstaining from, do the others in moderation and I exercise daily. I’ll have to see how I can work on myself….. That will give me something to think about over the next few days. Thanks for the inspiration.
I guess I shouldn’t notify you when my new coffee shop opens, huh? :) or let you know when I brew a pot? :)
@ Evelyn – I’m not asking anything of you ;-) It’s what you ask of yourself that matters.
@ Vered – Thanks and I must say that I don’t do moderation that well, which is why I’m writing this post I guess.
@ Naomi – Eloquently put as always you Canadian git.
@ Alex – I hate the thought of eating stuff that is then just going to start eating it’s own stuff after you swallow it. I don’t like the thought of that at all.
@ Sal – Let’s not get carried away, it’ll actually only be 28 days. When I get to St Louis on the 28th all bets are off.
Tim, I can’t wait to hear some of the stories that stem from this. I will have to ponder over the weekend for my own 30 day trial. Looking forward to the journey and I know you will make it through with flying colors.
By the way, I am with Writer Dad, no caffeine, that is brave.
I’d done a nice healthy cleanse in the spring cutting out alcohol, wheat, sugar and anything that’d feed internal yeast, and then over the summer I completely binged. This week I decided to start moderating it. Nothing during the week, but little bits on the weekend so that I don’t freak out and binge later on.
I’ve also started stretching again – doing that nightly while we catch up on TV shows.
So, yeah, I’m with you on this, but in a moderated kind of way.
P.S. We’re Bills fans in this house. Let the flame wars begin.
I’m with Corey. In order to restore balance in the universe, somebody is going to have to pick up the slack. Without you drinking and drugging and generally carousing, there’s going to be a huge hole in the cosmos. I will fill it with my own debauchery.
And I look forward to speaking with you in October because there is NO FUCKING WAY I’ll brave a call with you before then. You’re bad enough when you’re normal.
I won’t be joining you, since I believe in “everything in moderation” – and am able to consume these things in moderation.
But I am here to wish you good luck!
What??? It’s quite a lot that you are asking me to do all at once.
No alcohol
No red meat
No caffeine
No cakes or candy
No white flour
Visit the gym at least 4 times per week
Meditate at least 7 times per week
I don’t think I can survive without coffee or chocolate. I’ve already cut down drastically on all the foods you’ve mentioned although I can cut down more. I’ve not drank a drop of alcohol in ages but I can’t say that I won’t on special occasions like Christmas.
What I lack is more exercise. It’s hard to, with so many competing activities. But hearing your goal makes me motivated. So I will make it a point to be more regular in going to the gym.
I’ve also started meditating almost every day. I’m glad that you’ve decided to include this one in!! It’s not easy to stick to; I sometimes find myself giving it a miss because I’m too tired before bedtime. I doze off immediately. I’m in on this one!! I’ve got to just switch off my PC at least 30 minutes earlier every night!
@ Si – some brilliant stuff there mate and thanks a lot for taking the time to share it with us. You shall have to be the person that I model then seeing as you do most of this stuff! I could be back for more help.
@ Ellie – LMAO – I’d have never thought of no swearing. I’m not sure if I could pull *THAT” off at all. Well done on the exercising stuff too, although I’d be tempted to say for how long and what type of exercise?
@ Corey – Yeh, go for it. Even that takes commitment I guess.
@ Carole _ I’ll be waiting ;-)
@ Laurie – With all this stuff it has to be what feels right. Some people over-commit and get nowhere, whereas others thrive in the atmosphere of committing to others and being held accountable. I have never done anything like this before so we’ll see whether I succeed or collapse quicker than an Ikea deck chair.
I’m with Corey! No really, after talking with Tom @ Delightful Work, I’m making less commitments to myself and others. Right now I have a commitment going to develop the curriculum for my business. That is my focus right now. I am wanting to get to the gym more and meditate more. I will work on that but am not committing to it.
Good for you! I’ll have to think about what I can commit to for a month…. I’ll get back to you on that. : )
So is it considered joining you if I do the opposite of your challenge. i.e. more alcohol, more caffeine, more candy, etc.? If so, I’m in. :)
Seriously, good luck with the challenge.
Wow! I’m feeling like a big slacker right now, but I think it’s definitely doable. Way to go!
I’ll join you. I’ll commit to two things:
– Exercising four times a week
– No swearing
Oh, and I’ll also meditate daily. I don’t feel like I do any of the other things excessively, and I’m a big proponent of living in moderation (my philosophy that’s just for me, not you or anybody else).
Cheers!
First of all, I think this is simply a wonderful idea!
Anyway, onto your challenge. As you may or may not know, I’m a raw foodie, and what you’re choosing to do is the starting steps of going raw. As such, I’ve already been through a lot of the pain you may be about to experience :)
Here are some tips to make it easier (which I’ll tell you regardless of whether you already know them. I’m good like that):
CAFFEINE
Drink LOTS of water. If you’re heavily addicted, you WILL get headaches. Just keep drinking water, they will completely go after a day and a half, max, so hang in there. After 2 wks you’ll start feeling awesome. Oh, the reason for the headaches? It’s because the blood vessels in your brain are expanding… to the size they ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. Yes, you will finally get all the blood your brain has been missing all this time. Boy, I wish I was making this up.
Also, avoid chocolate & tea – they have caffeine in. Decaf is NOT no caf (it has about 30% of normal caffeine). Swapping in herbal teas (not black, they’re still caffeinated) is helpful in terms of replacing the coffee/tea ritual. Fruit teas typically smell good but taste crap.
ALCOHOL
Just lots of water – helps your organs flush the crap out. If you’re out at the pub/bar, mocktails or lemon/lime/bitters are good “something in your hand” alternatives.
RED MEAT
Ha ha, actually not THAT bad for you on the scale of things. There is one thing here though, that also applies to chicken/fish. CHEW!! Most of the problems come about from simply not chewing enough. Stomachs don’t break things down. Most food processing is actually done in mouth, so chewing to tiny pieces is very, very important. Do that, and steak is nowhere near as bad for you. :) Oh, and what to aim for? Think, “You should never have to swallow” – food should be almost liquid by the time you finish chewing, so it naturally slides down your throat.
CAKES/CANDY/WHITE FLOUR
These are the interesting ones – no refined sugar/flour. oh, and bloody good choice, btw. flour+water=glue, so think what that’s doing internally. Note that white flour is also in bread & pasta.
So – it’s likely you’re metabolically addicted to the rush/high you get from sugar (it’s an awesome upper – & I speak from personal experience here). I suggest getting something else you can nibble on when you get cravings. Some people eat sweet fruit (strawberries, apples, whatever). I’ve substituted in dried dates – other dried fruit are fine too, I’m just at the point where my body notices preservatives etc, so dates are the purest thing I’ve found. The good thing is, you can eat as much of this as you like, and you WON’T get that high/crash that you get from sugar (fructose not glucose), but it WILL
a) give you something to do when you get urges to run to the pantry and eat
b) help your bloody sugar level adjust
c) help stop you backsliding
d) take the edge off
You can also use honey instead of sugar – much better for you.
I’d highly recommend NOT swapping in artificial sweeteners, those things are EVIL (well known for giving children epilepsy & worse). You’re actually better off with regular sugar :)
Bread is the one that most raw foodies struggle with the most, I’m sorry to say – lots of emotional attachment. I haven’t seen a lot of solutions (without delving into energy healing, a whole OTHER subject), but I would suggest swapping in crackers, etc. Can be used the same way, but no flour (get the right crackers, obviously).
A lot of the sanity aspect is about gently altering habitual emotional patterns.
Feel sad->cheer up with sugar rush. Sleepy->pick up with caffeine. Social fear/stress->calm with booze. Need comfort->bread. Emotions coming up that need damping->pasta/meat/other heavy food.
Can’t help with the gym sorry, I hate those places *laugh*
Best of luck with the 30 day trial. Everything else on your list I already do, so you know, I’m already floating around on a cloud with my halo, but I will be smiling & waving from up here.. *cough*
Skippy – ROTFLMAO – I’ve had this blog 2 years and you wait until now to post! I’m up for the challenge and I know you’ll keep me on track.
@ Dave – Oh come on, to answer those questions I’d have to be organized! Hmm, I think I’ll do a post every Monday on how the previous week went. I’ll start this Monday with a recommitment and a more exact list of what I will and wont do. How’s that sound?
“What if you committed to changing/improving one thing that you’ve been talking about for ages?”
Well I’d be a damn fool. Those pumps just don’t work, no matter what the ads say!
You are really some kind of maniac doing all of this all at the same time. Can I just ask what’s left? What exactly will you be doing when you’re not at the gym or meditating?
Writing another book?
Tim, you’re a good man. I wish you luck. I’d be glad to help keep you on track, but where are you going to be updating your progress (other than your journal) and how often?
Cheers
Dave
And I will definately be joining you, AND keeping on your back to make sure you don’t slip after the 2nd or 3rd day!!!!
Go RAMS!!!!
No… brave.
@ CArol – No, no, and thrice no! I don’t want to hear people saying it’s ambitious, that’s when my mind starts saying “She’s right you know, you haven’t got a hope in hell you may as well quit now and spare yourself the public humiliation!” Ok, maybe not, but you get what I mean.
@ JEMi – Good for you and I know that you can do it!
@ Joely – Fantastic and I know just how determined you can be so it should be a breeze for you ;-)
@ Diana – If I’m going to be honest about half of them will be easy. The meditation wont be a problem and I doubt the gym will be either. Caffeine I have done lots of times (hence knowing about the withdrawal symptoms) and that wont be too bad. Red meat not an issue and I’m actually contemplating making that all meat (not fish though), but the rest will test me. I love wine with a nice meal and the occasional beer after work. We’ll see…
@ Bamboo Forest – excellent points and you’re right about the bouncing back. I’m quietly confident I wont need to bounce anywhere, but if I do have relapse I’ll be honest about it. I can see the headline now “Drunken life coach goes on a hyperglycemic rampage through burger bar”
@ Writer Dad – Is cool a euphemism for stupid?
No caffeine? Really, T. Couldn’t you give up something easier…. like breath?
Just kidding. I wish I was as cool as you.
But I’m not.
So I’ll be making a pot tomorrow.
# Visit the gym at least 4 times per week
# Meditate at least 7 times per week
The above two – will be the most difficult from my vantage point. In theory)
# No alcohol
# No red meat
# No caffeine
# No cakes or candy
# No white flour
The above 5 can be done while expending no energy. It takes more energy to pour a cup of coffee and sip from it than it takes to not. But visiting the gym – that’s discipline plus action. Same with meditation.
With red meat, it requires more energy to buy the red meat and cook it than it takes to not. This is the great irony.
Good luck with your discipline. And, most importantly – in the event you do break one of your rules; do not allow that breaking of one rule to turn into a prolonged breaking of the rules.
Bounce right back. Bouncing back is the hallmark of self discipline and the ingredient which truly creates lasting change.
Good luck.
Ouch! No cakes or candy, that is just too brutal!
But of course you can do it! Bravo, for taking on so many challenges at the same time!
I’ve been playing around with a new kind of eating scheme but I’ll join you and take it very seriously for thirty days. I’m going to be doing the “Evolutionary Fitness” diet. Since I’ve already cut out all bread and pasta, it won’t be too hard, but I have a few other weaknesses in the carbohydrate area to be dealt with yet.
Well I already don’t do most of those things but I’ll jump on your bandwagon with the meditating. I’ve been doing it more and it really helps so why NOT do it every day
Look at you – practicing what you preach
Bravo! :)
That’s an ambitious list! Many of those are not relevant for me (alcohol, white flour, sugar and red meat) and I already exercise every day so I’ll sign on for my own list: meditate every day, no negative self-talk. The latter will be the most difficult…
@ Cath – Excellent stuff but I have to say that’s fairly non-specific! What are you going to do exactly?
Trust me the weather isn’t an incentive with quitting drinking. In fact just the opposite because a beer sat by the pool is my biggest achilles heel ;-)
Hi Tim – I will definitely join you. I have slipped since going on vacation. Mind you – I don’t have the great weather you have to motivate me. That’s an excuse isn’t it?
Good luck! I’ll check up on you on twitter when I remember!!! As I’ve plugged it – you can follow me at http://www.twitter.com/danoneil !!!