The Only Disability In Life Is A Bad Attitude
The title of this post is a quote from ex-Olympic skater Scott Hamilton, and one I shared on Twitter earlier this week.
I immediately had somebody tweet back to me asking, “Do you really believe that?”
Even though I have a board on Pinterest called ingeniously, ‘Terrible Quotes on Pinterest‘, I don’t tend to highlight quotes that I don’t believe in.
On Pinterest and the rare occasion on Facebook when I do do that I always offer the reasons why I think the quote in question sucks.
I happen to think Hamilton’s quote is awesome.
But in case you have a family member who is disabled or even think of yourself that way, let me explain my reasons because on the surface it could be viewed as disingenuous or even callous.
What Is A Disability?
I’m not a fan of writers who refer to dictionaries to give definitions of words or phrases because it seems a tad lazy to me.
But today I am feeling especially hypocritical and I am doing just that. I just highlighted the word after typing it in Pages and clicked on writing tools from the menu to see what came back. This was what I got:
“Disability – a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities.”
Taken literally, how many people do you think could apply that to an area or areas of their life?
What is a victim mindset if not a disability?
What is hatred and prejudice, if not a disability?
What is an sense of entitlement if not a disability?
All of those things can and do have as much, and in many cases more, of a negative impact on a persons life as more obvious disabilities such as a lack of sight, paralysis and chronic pain.
Hamilton works on the committee of the Special Olympics, and as such he knows that the vast majority of the performers don’t want to be seen as being disabled.
He also knows that many ‘disabled’ people lead happier, more fulfilled and more productive lives than people not given that label.
I have a nephew who has a condition called Fragile X. The symptoms are not dissimilar to autism and you would think would make anybody disillusioned with life.
Yet he is one of the happiest people I know and has an amazing attitude toward life for the majority of the time and never fails to put a smile on my face.
Is he disabled, or just different from the kid next to him?
Is that a label we really want to give somebody who is happier with their life than 99% of the population?
And if we do, then shouldn’t we be saying people with a victim mindset (and there are hundreds of millions of people likes that, maybe billions) are disabled too?
Isn’t a strategy (and that is what being a victim is, a strategy for dealing with life) that works so poorly and stifles so many people a disability?
I think it is.
Note: I am in no way demeaning any disability, I understand they can be serious issues for millions and millions of people. Similarly, I have deliberately avoided talking about depression because the causes can be so varied and frequently have nothing to do with a persons attitude.
A Bad Attitude Defines You More Than A Disability
What I am wanting to do is highlight that many people who are born physically impaired don’t let that define them or hold them back from being happy.
People who unfortunately acquire disability through an accident or and illness frequently return to their happiness set point. They adapt to their new circumstances and they bounce back. Not always, but very often.
Yet people who are born in perfect physical and mental condition all too often manage to adopt an attitude that disables them as much as any Special Olympics competitor.
All of the examples I gave were examples of a bad attitude. Every one of them will hinder growth, deny mental peace, reduce the opportunity to tap into happiness and can even lead to depression.
When I talk about stress with groups I always start by explaining that stress is always self-imposed and always a fear based response.
There are no exceptions to that rule.
If You’re Stressed You’re Scared
The reason I set it up like that is because I want to shift peoples relationship with severe stress so it becomes less acceptable.
Many people are happy to admit to friends and colleagues they are stressed senseless. Few are as happy to say, “I’m scared to death”
This is the same. Feeling like the world is against you, good things never happen to you and your life is shit is one thing, because you can always find reasons to justify such beliefs.
However, accepting you’re imposing a real disability on yourself by having such thoughts is a different matter altogether. That isn’t a label many people want to adopt.
Of course I realize many people with attitude problems like those I have described don’t even know they have them, but some do and maybe if they shift their thinking they will realize they have an opportunity to change.
By the way, if you know somebody with a serious attitude problem, think of them as being disabled.
Not in a patronizing kind of way, but as a way of being more empathetic and compassionate toward them. Especially at times when all you really want to do is punch them squarely in the face and apply a swift kick to the testicles.
I love this post. I learned my most valuable lesson about the power of attitude from W. Mitchell. Mitchell has a huge heart, kind eyes, and a generous soul – he has also survived 2 horrific accidents which left him burned and scarred over 70% of his body, in a wheel chair for life and little more than stubs for hands. His mantra is it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. Mitchell has inspired me for years, as I know he has many others.
That is awesome, thanks for sharing!
It’s a step in the right direction to be aware of your attitude disability but it’s not always easy knowing what to do about it/how to change. And once you do know you have to keep reminding yourself not to fall back into those old nasty habits. The ‘how to’ is equally important.
I agree, although with the Internet it’s not hard to find the how if somebody wants to badly enough.
And of course they could also hire a Life Coach ;-)
You’re right with people who don’t know they have a bad attitude making them disable. Having a bad attitude is much worse than physical disability because when you appreciate life, your existence, the people who care and what you can still do – is a great way to make life much complete.
Agreed Lisa!
Hi Tim, love this new post! Would you authorize me to translate it to Portuguese and post it to my own site with the due credit/link? I’ve been writing a lot about changing attitudes and it is totally in line with what I believe/write about. :)
Thanks in advance!
Paula
Yeh no problem at all Paula.
Interesting idea, cheers Tim. Makes a lot of sense.
There is one potential difficulty though: When I think of disability, I tend to think of a *permanent* disability, like losing a limb. (Although, in the not-too-distant future we’ll probably be able to regrow limbs, but that’s another matter!)
However, thought patterns, such as a bad attitude, can be overcome, given the right support, education etc. In other words, they’re not normally thought of as permanent.
Putting myself into the shoes of someone with a bad attitude (what do you mean I can just put on my own shoes?!?!), if I started thinking of myself as, “I am someone with a disability”, the danger is that I would associate that idea with being permanently disabled, just as an amputee might.
And surely the whole point of personal development is convincing people that leopards can change their spots, tigers can amend their stripes, rhinos can unwrinkle their skins, and George Osborne can stop being a pompous rich arse (UK political joke, sorry).
In other words, to me it seems a bad idea to equate a bad attitude to a disability because disabilities are often thought of as permanent, whereas a bad attitude isn’t. Unless you’re George Osbourne (OK, I’ll stop, sorry).
Other than this minor flaw, you idea is sound.
By the way, you’ve reminded me of a joke a friend told me in Primary School, “My name’s Richard Jones [a rather unpopular student in our class]. What’s your disability?”. My friends and I wet ourselves laughing at that one. But then, we were only 9 years old.
Take care, you old cripple.
That’s a good point.
My gut tells me though that most people will resist that idea because of not wanting to feel it’s a permanent state of affairs.
Imagine being told a victim mindset is a disability? I think most people would think “screw you, I’ll show you I’m not disabled”
And the ones who would accept it probably will never change anyway.
I take your point though and it’s valid.
Hi Tim,
I like Scott Hamilton and I like his quote.
About 30 years ago there was a “Person’s First” or “People First” movement to try and get everyone to understand that a person is a person is a person and only after that is understood, they might have some label. “A person with autism, or Fragile X, or cerebral palsy…”
That was the reason we tried to get terms like “mentally retarded people…” out of the legistlative language and the reason President Obama signed Rosa’s Law into effect. This is not a new battle.
Thanks for talking about it.
I think on the whole we’re moving in the right direction Mary, it’s just not faster enough I’m afraid.
Though few will admit it, I think that most people live in fear. Fear is a terrible thing. Besides stress it causes bitterness, selfishness, hate,…….. The list goes on. Admiting your fear is the first step in healing. I’ve come a long way since I admitted my fear and began searching for the source(s).
Dan @ ZenPresence
I couldn’t agree more Dan!