A Ridiculously Simple Technique For Hitting Your Goals
The following post is an extract from my forthcoming ebook provisionally entitled rather unimaginatively “How To Set Goals”.
If you want a free copy when it comes out in the next 4 or 5 weeks, then get yourself signed up for my newsletter because that’s the only way to grab it.
A study undertaken by Scranton University concluded that one simple action can increase the likelihood of you hitting your goals by 1,000%
Yes, that’s what I said.
Just doing one thing that involves next to no work, can increase your odds of success by as much as ten times, which is even more than even writing your goals down can achieve.
What is this amazingly cunning trick that can almost do the work for you I’m sure you’re wondering?
Like most great ideas in life, it is neither complicated nor surprising when you think about it. But it is, very, very, simple.
Hitting Your Goals – How You Do It
According to the good folk at Scranton University, people who announce their goals to their family, friends and peers are ten time more likely to attain them, than people who keep their goals to themselves.
Now if that stat doesn’t blow you away, you’re either not really into this whole self development malarkey and I have no idea why you’re even reading this blog.
Or you got an ‘F’ in math and that was only because they couldn’t give you a ‘G’.
Short of asking for a date or needing a root canal, can you think of anything else in life where you can improve you odds of success 10 fold, simply by opening your mouth?
It’s not hard to understand why this works so effectively if you can grasp the concept of status and how crucially important it is to every person on the planet.
You’re Really Are A Troglodyte
A few thousand years ago in the days before Twitter, Facebook and shockingly even MySpace your ancestors used to hang around in small tribes. They did such a thing because the alternative was to lead a very sucky and short existence.
If you were excluded from your tribe you would not only have to find, stalk and catch your own food, but also cook it yourself.
Then you’d have to do the dishes afterward (dishwashers had been invented I think, but electricity hadn’t so they had no way of plugging them in) whilst all the time keeping half an eye out for Sabretooth Tigers, enemy tribes and those nasty orange dinosaurs that hunted in pairs and had really big teeth and bad breath.
Consequently being asked to leave the tribe was a very big deal, slashing your life expectancy in half and removing any chance of building up a decent 401K or scoring with the hot chick or dude in the furry underwear.
As such, people would go to great lengths to avoid letting the tribe down. Because they knew if they did, they could severely damage their status and they could even be politely asked to leave by unshaven men with long pointy sticks.
Fortunately there are no Sabretooth Tigers roaming our streets, we rarely come under genuine threat from foreign tribes no matter what right wing media would have you believe, and dinosaurs went the same way as the Enron, only with more integrity and decorum.
That’s The Good News
The bad news is that your brain is a bit thick and it hasn’t cottoned on to all this yet. It still thinks you’re in a tribe and status is the most important thing within that tribe.
Status is the reason you like to prove people wrong and the reason you like to tell people news before they’ve heard it.
Status is the reason you like to win arguments, triumph in meaningless online games and be at the front of any line. And it’s why I pathetically gawp around at Yoga hoping to see somebody more incompetent than me.
It’s also why many people (not you obviously, you are way too evolved and mature) like to see others fail or hear stories of people struggling. Sad though it may seem, your brain raises it’s own status by default when it notices somebody else’s status slipping.
And that my patient friend is why telling people your goals helps you reach them.
You hate to lose face and back down because that equates to a drop in status and your brain will resist that at all costs.
If you start a blog telling the world how you are committed to doing this or that and a few people start to take notice, changing your mind will exponentially tougher and as such, success much easier to come by.
When Doesn’t It Work?
Even though for a great many people, telling others their goals can be hugely beneficial, that isn’t the same as saying it’s the best approach for everybody.
If you’re incredibly introverted and/or shy and would rather hug a Velociraptor than be exposed to public scrutiny, then this approach may backfire on you and stress you senseless.
If that is the case, DON’T DO IT!
Like anything in self development it’s what works best for you that matters, so if you’re looking for a quick tip that will help push you on when you may normally quit, this is as good as it gets.
What do you reckon then, have you had any experinces where committing to others kept you on track. Or maybe even vice versa?
Image: ‘Mt Everest’ Courtesy of Frank Kehren
Hi Tim,
I had heard about the power of telling others your goal but I didn’t know the ‘biological’ reason for it. We really are so much more programmed than we think. The whole status thing – who knew? But that’s probably why I’m so hesitant to share my goals and more determined to see them through when I do. Val
Hi Tim,
For me, I believe in congruence of speech and how I feel when I say it. It tells me that I how much I want this goal.
If I say I want to do something but feel otherwise, then I’d know that I am missing something important, and I want to be revising my goals again.
Love the wisdom you are imparting in this article, as always.
That’s what I call commitment to action, nicely done!
This definitely worked for me in the dark, pre-Internet, days of 1991. I wanted to start a mystery newsletter and knew that if I told anyone, I’d actually have to do it. Well, I did, and “Prime Suspects” was born and lived for several years.
Now I’m telling everyone that my refurbished dog website, ABQDog.com, languishing half-finished for several years, will be online by July 31, 2011. Gulp. There — I did it.
Thanks, Tim, for your always insightful words and for giving me a well-needed kick in the butt!
Hey Tim,
I have fluctuated when it comes to this. In the past I have had many ideas that I have thrown out to my family but every time I have expressed the idea, they have taken it as that being my final goal. So, I have learned to hold back a bit just on the general talking. With my most recent goal of making a change in people through my website, I feel that I have finally reached a point of serious commitment, because it means so much to me. By fully embracing this idea I feel confident in my decision and confident in expressing it to others, whereas before I would feel the resistance in sharing my goal with the world.
Great post.
And there you go Ariana because you are adapting the process to fit your individual needs and that is what successful self development is all about.
For me accountability is essential to give fuel and drive to your goals. Too often humans show weakness and frequently let themselves down, but seem to stay stronger when they have something to prove to others.
For some I agree it’s ‘proving’ to others. But for other people it’s having the support of others. Either can work equally well.
Hi Tim,
Yes, ‘sharing’ the goal has proved to be worthwhile.
David
Hi Tim,
Excellent post! I agree–there was extremely strong selection over evolutionary time for humans to value and invest in social relationships. And our brains are on to this–there’s a nifty study that shows that when we think about our friends or people whose opinions we value, we get a nice squirt of dopamine, the brain’s pleasure chemical.
The tricky bit is avoid the “dream killers” that so many of your readers have remarked on. Sometimes we do have to be a bit careful with whom we share our dreams and aspirations. Finding the right community is crucial–and then sharing can be very productive as a motivator.
Best wishes,
Tara
yep, I’ve met my fair share of dream killers in my time. the sad thing is most don’t see themselves that way, they just think they are being realistic.
I read once — and this is good — Why is it that people who are being “realistic” are always pessimistic?
It’s funny because it works both ways. The goals I’m most ashamed of missing are the ones I told my friends I’d do. I think I’ve pretty much forgotten 99% of the other goals I kept to myself.
This would be otherwise trite advice if it didn’t carry your trademark wit and insight.
I agree and most things cut both ways to be fair. I’d be (mildly) interested in knowing how the experiment was conducted, but probably not enough to go and research it because at the end of the day it is what it is.
I’ve just remembered a specific example of where public announcement didn’t work for me. A few months ago, I decided to go vegan. My boss said, “I give it 3 months.” initially I had a desire to prove him wrong, but the more I thought that it’s actually a crap reason for doing something. Just because humans have evolved to care about status doesn’t mean that it’s particularly rational.
I’m no longer vegan, so I guess I’ve proved my boss right, but I don’t really care about that.
I realised that if I was going to be vegan, the only real reason that mattered was whether I felt it was the right thing for me. Again, maybe I’m arrogant, but I decided that I basically didn’t give a shit about what my boss thought of me as long as I felt happy with my decision.
Damn, I’m really enjoying this debate! Tim, you rock.
That last word isn’t a typo :)
Me too mate, but I’m not sure as “Full time Rob debater” will cut the mustard on my business card.
My guess is though if you had done it for 4 months, you’d be dead proud of yourself now, even if your pesky conscious mind wont allow you to admit it to me now ;-)
OK, I get the hint, though it stung a little! I have instructed the wife to bind my hands with electrical tape to stop my from typing any m…
Ha! she didn’t count on my ability to type by headbutting the keyboard!
Please Rob, what you and your wife get up to on a Friday night really is down to you mate ;-)
That’s just your opinion, Tim! It’s not like you have a university study to back you up.
Oh … wait …
As long as the friends are the kind who will speak the truth (in love) to you, yeah. The friends who always “let you off easy” don’t do much good, eh?
In short: It’s important to choose the right friends!
Aren’t friends Gods way of making up for your family? ;-)
Personally, broadcasting my goals doesn’t work for me, it just leads to a greater sense of shame if you don;t achieve them.
I can see this technique working for someone who cares (excessively) about other people’s opinions. But for an independent-thinking (some would say arrogant) SOB like myself, the most important factor in whether I achieve my goal is my own motivation.
My advice: If you’re trying to boost your chance of achieving your goals, don’t guilt trip yourself into achieving them by worrying about what other people think. That doesn’t seem very healthy for one’s soul or self-esteem. Stick to other tried’n’tested techniques like visualisation and ensuring the goal is in line with your values.
You’re missing the point Rob, this isn’t about guilt tripping yourself and I would never want anybody to feel shame, it’s about the shittest of human emotions.
And this is tried and tested, this isn’t some abstract concept pulled out of my ass. It is the ONLY thing that has kept the HTBRAH goal moving forward. I don’t want to let other people down, but I certainly wouldn’t feel ashamed or guilt ridden.
My take on goals is out there. I think they are right for some people and not for others. The same goes for this. If a reputable university has spent years studying this and comes back with some serious conclusions I’m not going to poo-poo it because it’s not how I would do it.
Similarly I wouldn’t advise people not to use it or even to use it.
BTW, using values is a brilliant way, but I bet less than 1 in 50 people adopt that approach ;-)
Hey dude. I guess I’m just in the minority then! I like the caveat at the end of your main post.
Did you see my other comment, waaaaay up near the top of the page?
I have the greatest admiration for your HTBRAH goal. But if the ONLY reason you’re still
persisting with it is because you said you would, that just doesn’t seem quite right to me. It’s very honourable, but is it making YOU happy? I quite like the phrase, “Life is about enjoying the journey, not the destination.” Yet it sounds like you’re not enjoying the journey any more for this particular goal. It could be that I’m way off track here, and I feel more than a little impertinent for attempting to coach a life coach, but maybe it’s time to either change the destination or change the route you’re using to get there so that you enjoy it a bit more and find it more satisfying.
Sometimes it’s the easy thing to do to just keep soldiering on regardless. The harder yet more beneficial thing to do is to admit that you need to change course. Provided you do it for the right reasons and communicate it properly, I think that a carefully considered decision like this would garner MORE respect from peers, colleagues, friends etc.
Anyway, I’ll sign off now for fear that I’ll have really annoyed you or just got the wrong end of the stick. Wishing you all the best, mate. Rob
I shall go and check your other comment in a mo, but first, you’re not annoying me at all! And secondly ywes, you are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off base ;-)
What I mean is this.
The HTBRAH goal is huge and most people don’t want to know. The easy approach would to be snatch at the advance and even go and grab the one we turned down from the UK and run with the money.
However, I know in 2 or 3 years time I’ll be pissed off I took the easy route because huge goals by their definition have to be hard otherwise they’d be easy.
As such, most people would quit and so I am utilizing all the leverage I can get. More to the point it’s doing the trick, which is why only this morning I ok’ed the rebuilding of the HTBRAH website on WordPress.
Therefore, it’s a 2-way street. It keeps me focused on a very worthwhile goal that I know I’ll be glad I stuck to on the long run and the charities get the help they deserve.
Would you see a dad committing to he’s kids that he’ll quit smoking and being asked to be kept accountable, as a bad thing, or a win/win?
OK, I understand where you’re coming from now.
So it seems that keeping your commitment actually isn’t the only reason you’ve kept going with HTBRAH.
In addition, you have conviction that this approach is the right one and that ultimately the pain will be worth it. Those are two very good reasons for continuing with your current path. Dare I say it, but you seemed to have overestimated the importance of publicly committing yourself when you said it was the only factor keeping you going. There are other factors at work that maybe you’d initially overlooked.
Or perhaps you’re just very good at generating stimulating debate!
Hi Tim,
Entertaining post as usual.Sharing your goal lessens the chances of any backdown. I must admit to having some goals that I have kept on the quiet until I made (or not)progress. Human nature kicked in. Realistically, I believe if it is a decent goal worth achieving, share it & have the extra accountability to achieve.
be good to yourself
David
So on the whole would you say you have had more success when you have spilled the beans to others?
Hi Tim,
You make me laugh as usual. Beautifully written. Sharing your goal(s) with others generally means that you can’t back down. So it adds some starch or resolve to get on with it. Some “looney’ goals may be best kept quiet until some progress is made(as has been suggested by earlier respondents). At the end of the day, if it is a decent goal worth achieving then share & get on with it.
be good to yourself
David
Yeh agreed lets leave looney goals out of this ;-)
Hey Tim, excellent post. Do you have a link to the Stanford study?
I’ve seen another video by Derek Sivers that said sometimes when we share our goals we get a false sense of accomplishment. I get the same feeling during New Years. It’s all too easy for me to SAY I’m going to do something (and it feels great!) but then the feeling subsides and I never actually do it.
Definitely some caveats to this approach, but definitely some major strengths too if you find the right network of people.
I don’t have a link, but I read it in the How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky. She’s a protegee of Seligman I believe.
I have no doubt what you and DS say is true for you and for many people.
My issue with his speech was the way he delivered the information as though it were ‘how it is’ and I’m sure you know by now that rubs me up the wrong way, especially when I can point to hundreds of clients that aren’t like that ;-)
I have learnt who to share my goals with and who not to.
My husband is my most favourite support and once I share a goal with him, he spurs me on when I feel like I’m getting no where. He makes me feel like I can do anything and that because he has so much belief in me, I want to succeed to make him proud. I guess I’m trying to keep up my cavegirl status with him.
Likewise, I have friends who do nothing to support me in my goals no matter whether I share or I don’t. That used to really bother me when I was so excited about what I was doing but now I just pick my cheerleaders wisely and except that some people just don’t care to actively engage in life like I want to and that’s fine. They are happily bumbling along and I am happy grabbing at all the goods bits with some great people behind me.
I think I blew explaining this after reading the comments! It wasn’t just for support, it was to create a situation whereas people would push on rather than hearing people say “I knew it, I knew you’d never wrestle that live gator in a vat of heavy cream”
I’m going to try this (See? I just did). I’ve definitely heard this before, although the success statistic is new to me..and very impressive. I’ve always thought this wouldn’t work for me, because, honestly…most of my friends/family live their lives in ‘fear’ mode and have yet to grasp the fact that they are in the driver’s seat.
I don’t need nagging from folks with the ‘victim’ mindset and I’m also not a Kumbaya/group hug kinda gal. But per your post, I’ve given it a second thought and I have exactly two friends that I believe will be able to hold me accountable, without being annoying about it.
PS..per one of your lists, am now reading Living as a River (Bodhipaksa) and loving it.
There’s more than one way to skin a cat Debbie. I’m not necessarily meaning tell others just for support, you can also tell them because you know they’ll piss you off gloating if you fail, thus pushing you to succeed.
And glad you like Living as a River!
Tim, I love your writing, it’s very amusing and witty. And, it contained a good message. I think it is often a good idea to share your goals with others IF you have a suportive ‘tribe’ around you. However, if you are surrounded by cynical, bitter people, it may be better to keep them to yourselves.
Thanks a lot Andrew.
I think there is another way than just having a supportive tribe. I’ve had plenty of clients that were driven by the desire to show friends and family members that they can hit their goals.
Doing so in the face of massive doubt can provide a huge status increase and dopamine rush.
As I say though, we’re all different and there is no one ‘right’ approach.
Take care with this advice if you are psychologically a “scanner” as defined in Barbara Sher’s book “What do I do when I want to do everything”.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Want-Everything-Revolutionary/dp/1405093412
Such people seem to be programmed to seize on new projects, investigate them exhaustively over a couple of weeks, and then, having learned all there is to know about that subject, they seek another subject to devour.
If you are psychologically programmed like that, then you can quickly feel like a failure, as its your insatiable nature to “never complete”.
See if your local library has this book (or it might now be being sold under a new title), but Barbara Sher is to be congratulated for detailing clever coping strategies and ways to feel a true sense of accomplishment given that you have indeed investigated many topics very thoroughly.
But having foolishly announced many times to my family the multitude of topics I have investigated, they all roll their eyes now and say: “Yeah – tell me about it…”
So this advice to announce will work for you as long as you are not in that subset called “scanners”.
There are lots of subsets this wont apply to, that goes without saying because goal setting isn’t an exact science.
I’m familiar with that book and with scanners, but haven’t read it and (probably unfairly) I’m skeptical about the premise.
How much is it based in the latest neuroscience as opposed to categorizing etc?
You’re right Tim – no neuroscience. But what was nice about the book was that scanners instantly felt that their psychological “shortcoming” and problem was now recognised and acknowledged, and tips for coping were given. For people who can complete projects through to the end, this all seems like a bit of an indulgence, with others almost saying “For goodness sake, just see it through to the end” but like when you talk with an alcoholic, others think “For goodness sake, just stop drinking earlier” but for them it just ain’t that easy.
But interestingly, when someone I really respect rolled their eyes and said “Oh yeah – well you won’t complete will you?” that spurred me to “show them” and so now I am determined to complete, so your advice to publicly declare your intentions may even work with scanners under the right conditions!
Good post – thanks.
A friend of mine, when questioned on his favorite television show, always says, “I like watching COPS. It makes me feel like a good person.” We laugh because it’s true.
I try every day to have more of a “whatever works” attitude regarding my own willpower (or the lack thereof). I think it’s tied into the lifelong battle to defeat your ego and realize you have no more willpower, no more innate talent and are no more wise than anyone else. Which scares the hell out of us because it means we have to work. A lot.
It’s a lot easier to simply get into a situation where someone else is making the calls for you. Like a 9-5 corporate gig with a mediocre salary, standard benefits package and zero responsibility to create real value beyond the dollar.
For creative artists and entrepreneurs, the interesting thing is that we never get anywhere until we stop worrying about pissing people off. We come up against the same fear of the tribe turning us out, or rubbing customers the wrong way.
The loneliest people I know fear this way. And by so living, they get exactly what they’re afraid of – they end up lonely, because they’ve lived too quietly for their people to find them.
Hey Mike!
Stop worrying about pissing people off…..now!
Where do I send the invoice to?
Hi Tim,
I’ve been stalking/following you for a bit and greatly enjoy your insights and perspective on life and personal development. I’m always particularly intrigued on the topic of goal setting (having spent 10 years as a special education teacher, it’s a bit near and dear to my heart) ;)
There’s no doubt accountability works.
And for me, (odd creature that I am!) I’ve had it work in a couple of ways. I’ve announced goals to people (ie loved ones) that while they didn’t come right out and say “keep dreamin’ sweetheart”, they weren’t exactly doing cartwheels in support of me either. Which gave me the ‘I’ll show YOU’ attitude and come hell or high water I was reaching that goal.
I’ve also had goals that I’ve only shared with those who I know WILL be 100% supportive, dust me off when I’ve fallen, and gently kick me in the ass to get moving again…
and I have a few goals that I am savoring in my heart of hearts.
You said something in your comment above that is the true key and that is that “there is no cookie cutter approach”…bravo! Self awareness is really the most critical ingredient in how you approach goals and knowing what will motivate you, or by the same token, hold you back. If one approach ain’t cuttin’ it, try something else.
Thank you for sharing the study…interesting stuff!
Warmly,
Danielle
Well about bloody time, I’ve been hanging around here for 5 years waiting to be stalked! I’d almost given up, welcome.
I think there are 3 sides to this.
1) You can use any negative feedback as motivation to prove people wrong which can be brilliant in the short-term, but exhausting if that is your only fuel.
2) You can have a support network of people that will help you if you start to slide.
3) You can use the power of status to keep you going when times get tough.
The problem with research like this is that anybody who it doesn’t jive with will think it’s bollocks, and probably rightly so because for them it is bollocks.
ha! see good things come to those who wait ;)
and agreed with all of your above points.
1. Know the goal
2. Figure what are the best means, tools, strategies, motivators to get it and then bust your ass to get it
3. And know when to give the ghost…er goal ;)
I think I’m enjoying being a stalker
Yeh me too, but can you get out of the yard now the dogs are going mental!
this topic reminds me this Morrissey song “We Hate it When Our Friends Become Successful”
as well as a remark a Glaswegian mate made when I showed him Tony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within”
“BOLLOCKS!”
LOL
Yep, we all have mates like that. I even had one who famously said to me “That Internet’s a flash in the pan and will never catch on”
There’s is some truth to this for me. If I announce I will do something on Facebook, there’s a good chance I really will do it so I don’t look like a failure to my friends. Some of my “goals” are quite small like “Go to grave sites of Johnny Thunders and Jerry Nolan of NY Dolls” and “ride a bike a lot” and “walk dog instead of just putting him in yard unattended” – I do find it’s these little things to do and look forward to that make life special although they can seem like chores to extreme introverts of which I am one.
Well I’m glad there is some truth ;-)
BTW, one of my best (American) friends has an ambition to go to Crawley in England to see one of Captain Sensibles berets at a museum. seriously wtf???
It’s not like he’s even dead or The Damned have even split up!
Punk rock fans are die hards – my mom’s house is not far from where the aforementioned Dolls/Heartbreakers are buried… I am hoping by going there I can suck the souls right out of the graves – hopefully this won’t attract NYPD.
Keep in mind, your family questioning your goal, and offering criticism isn’t always negative, unless you are stubborn and bullheaded. Often the criticism offered by friends in family is a great way to make you think out your tactics in obtaining your goal. For example, I recently was in the market to purchase a restaurant / bar, it has always been a dream of mine. I told my father of this goal once I had found what I thought to be the perfect opportunity. The numbers were good, the price was perfect, the structure of the purchase was perfect, the restaurant was in an area of town that was greatly increasing in business and set to increase quite a bit more, the competition in the area ceased to exist. My father questioned a few things, one of those things being “Is this the right time?”… At first I was angry he would question my hard work. Then I sat back and took the time to think out my approach, ironically he was right. The truth of the matter is, I am recently divorced, paying a lot of money in child support and alimony, have a lot of debt that needs to be repaid from my marriage, am currently involved as an executive at a mid sized financial firm that is growing drastically. Was it the right time? No. As a matter of fact, a close friend of mine who is a successful restauranteur and I discussed this very issue, he pointed out to me that a restaurant / bar that is going to undergo a change needs constant supervision and time devoted from its owner. Something I didn’t have, time. Further discussing this my buddy made a point to tell me that a neglected restaurant / bar could become a massive money pit. Does this stop me from achieving my goal? No it doesn’t, I still intend on fully achieving this goal, when the time and opportunity is right. What this did was save me from becoming a victim of my goal.
Great points Phil. About the only time my dad ever actually discouraged me from doing something in my entire life was buying a house I had no way of affording.
Because he always urged me on, I actually listened and I’m really, really, glad I did in retrospect!
The interesting part is, my dad, even though it never seems like it, doesn’t actually try and discourage me. He works to try and get me to see the things I might be missing. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of accomplishment and completely miss a major factor or risk. One of the main reasons I announce my goals and ambitions to the world is to get all of the feedback I can, it is up to me to separate the negative from the positive from the ah-ha pieces of feedback. If I am dedicated to my goal (which nobody can do for you, it is entirely up to you) you are going to accomplish your goal. I think setting up methods to have others hold you accountable are great and all, but the more important aspect to announcing your goals to the world is the feedback and assistance you can receive from others. Including accountability. There are different types of goals as well, when I set out to quit smoking, I told my staff. Every time I smoked a cigarette they made a point to chastise me about it and hold me accountable, which in turn helped me accomplish my goal. Nobody is going to tell you that quitting smoking is a bad thing, because really, it isn’t. I can’t think of one negative aspect of quitting smoking (other than the fact that it is hard, and in my case, it turned me into a total bastard for weeks).
LMAO at that last bit.
That is also a great example of where this can work.
I had a client one time who promised to pay $5 to charity every time somebody at work pointed out she had used a modal operator of necessity (must, should, have to, got to, need to etc).
It cost her $80 on the first day and $150 in a week, but it shifted her language!
Really interesting points in this thread. Thanks Tim and Phillip. Perhaps the reason that I’ve found that publicly announcing my goals doesn’t work for me is simply that I’ve been disappointed with the lack of useful feedback I’ve received. I shall definitely ponder this further!
Maybe I have no shame. I will often tell family and friends what my current goal is, gather in their encouragement and support, but just as often make little headway on it. Fortunately family and friends stay supportive and, if they are getting skeptical about my goal-setting, do their headshaking in private.
Telling people about my goals seems to be as effective for me as making lists. I have a lot of lists, lists of lists in fact, and while they do help me to remember what my goals are, do little to push me to accomplish them.
Maggie, shame has nothing to do with it. Shame and status are not the same thing at all.
And again that’s cool if it doesn’t work for you. I am merely pointing out some research and I know that there will be many, many, exceptions.
That’s what personal development is like, it’s not a cookie cutter approach.
There is a TED talk by Derek Sivers which suggests the contrary.
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html
Seriously James, I think that was THE single worst speech I have ever seen at Ted and commented that I thought it was missing the mark at the time.
I discovered about myself that I get a sense of immediate gratification (significance) by telling people what I’m doing or thinking of doing and it actually hinders my progress.
So I actually follow through on what I’m doing first and only share it with people who may be involved in the actual process. That’s what seems to work for me anyhoo :)
And if it works for you, that’s what you should do mate. As I said above the HTBRAH project would have folded now without the commitment to other people.
I’ve found that I have to be cautious when telling my family about goals or plans. While they are usually very supportive, I usually like to wait until I’ve made some progress on my goals, so that way they see that there has been action. Sometimes, family and friends can be critical of your goals, and the negative feedback you get by announcing them (before you’ve made any progress) can really leave you deflated. So, just be wary if your goals are not “normal” or seem overly ambitious- they will inspire some people to tell you why you can’t do them!
What Ethan said. I can’t remember who wrote it recently (Catherine Caine?) anyway, it was “Your friends and family want to keep you safe. In order to do that, they will hurt you ruthlessly.” True dat.
As Ethan says, it’s very disheartening. Best to have some promising results first.
It’s not true dat at all.
It is true for *some* people and that’s why there is the caveat. But I have had lots of clients that had incredibly supportive family that urged them forward. Without my wife to support me I’d have quit Life Coaching when we moved to the US.
Agreed. I’m in full support of telling friends and family once I know I’ve made a little progress. It differs from case to case, as with all things..
Yeh of course and see my addendum. That of course can be the case, but it’s not bound to be the case.
Personally, if the HTBRAH giveaway wasn’t so highly visible and we hadn’t committed to so many people, I’d have cashed in the rights by now and spent the cash!
Devil’s Advocate Time.
Surely all that matters is (a) if the goal is actually achievable with the resources that are available and (b) if the current plan is the best one to achieve your goal.
Staying committed to something that isn’t working is just mad. Would you stay in an abusive marriage just because you were worried about what your friends and family thought if you got divorced?
Sometimes, difficult decisions have to be made and commitments broken (just ask any politician or successful CEO). A plan that isn’t working has to be modified or even replaced with a different plan that will be more effective.
Bringing it back to HTBRAH, the goal is to help less well off people by giving away the book. Why not sell the rights and make a load of cash. Then set up a charity which takes that cash to buy X thousand books and distribute them?
And you’ve set the goal at giving away one million books. Whilst it’s good to aim high, this is really just an arbitrary figure that happens to sound good. Why not redefine the goal in some way?
Annoying git mode: off :)
“Staying committed to something that isn’t working is just mad”
Yes and no because you only know it’s not working with the benefit of hindsight, if you quit you don’t know it wasn’t working per se, you just know it wasn’t working.
That Edison was mad, I mean come on the moron had 10,000 attempts at making the light bulb, surely he should have quite when he got to 15 or maybe 20??
Actually Edison never invented the light bulb it was a Brit, Joesph Swann, but let’s not kill a great story, especially when could batter you with similar examples until the cows come home.