How To Avoid a Mid (or quarter) Life Crisis
If you were to look at my client files in an attempt to ascertain the ages of the clients that I see, I‘d have to call the Police because it’s confidential information.
I’d also want to know how you got past my security system, a slightly mental Doberman and a drawer that normally takes me 30 minutes to get open, but let’s suppose this is all above board and you’re undertaking some important humanitarian research with my blessings.
What do you think you’d find?
A few days ago I couldn’t have given you an answer to that rather benign question, but recently curiosity got the better of me and I decided to check it out. The results did cause me to slightly raise one eyebrow and think,
“Hmmm, that’s mildly interesting.” Now that I have whipped you into a rabid frenzy of anticipation I will share my highly scientific findings so you too can raise an eyebrow, or maybe even gasp in horror.
15-24 6%
25-35 28%
36-45 52%
46+ 14%
What do those figures tell us other than I have way too much time on my hands? I think the huge spike that occurs with the group in their late 30’s and early to mid 40’s is indicative of people hitting what is frequently referred to as a mid-life crisis and looking for guidance.
It’s a sobering thought when we get into our 40’s to suddenly realize we may have passed the halfway mark of our term here on Planet Earth.
It’s not just reserved for people approaching or passing 40 either. The new phrase on the block is quarter-life crisis.
Here we have similar symptoms being displayed by the older group but this time by people heading towards 30.
What are the symptoms I’m talking about you may be thinking? Well here’s a few to ponder whilst you kill some time before retirement:
- Wondering what the hell life is all about
- Apathy or even a sense of urgency for no apparent reason
- A sense of being stuck
- A desire to buy sports cars and cruise around the ‘hood playing loud music with the top down
- A feeling of wasted potential
- An inability to accept that you can’t dance all night and still get up for work bright eyed and bushy tailed
- Feeling out of place in Abercrombie & Fitch
- A strong urge to join a gym followed by an even stronger one to watch ‘Murder She Wrote’
Of course there are many more, they are just the ones I pondered one Saturday afternoon about 5 years ago.
Today dear reader, I’m going to give you the secret of avoiding a mid-life or even a quarter life crisis.
If you follow this one piece of advice you’ll never need to worry about paying outrageous sums of money to life coaches with dubious credentials and you can relax in the knowledge that your life wil be one long walk in the park.
Follow Your Passion
I can almost hear the groans from here. I know it’s about as original as ‘My Way’ at a funeral, but what can I say?
It’s the one thing that will almost guarantee that you never feel the need to go out and buy a Ferrari, wear dresses that are way too small or spend all your spare cash following the Chippendales on tour. Ladies, you’ll be ok too.
In all my years of coaching, I’ve never had somebody come to me suffering from a MLC or even a QLC that bounded into my office announcing they loved their job with a passion but just knew there was something missing in their life.
That is either one helluva coincidence or we’re on to something significant people.
If you live to be 65 and have a standard working life you are probably going to spend about 85,000 hours doing something that you may either hate, or are at best, are ambivalent about. Why would you ever even consider that as an acceptable option?
That was a rhetorical question by the way, because the last thing I want you to do now is start searching your brain for reasons to justify this state of affairs. There is never any justification, but while you think there is, you’ll always find it, So stop looking now!
How do you know if you’re in the wrong job?
Worry not; I’m on hand again with yet another bullet list to bail you out. Some of these may seem obvious, but trust me, I‘ve had clients say stuff like this and then when I replayed it back to them , they’ve looked at me like I just told explained the Theory Of Everything.
In actual fact, the Theory Of Everything comes in session 2, and only for clients that have booked 6 sessions or more.
- You tell everybody you hate your job
- You wish it were Friday at 5.00pm when you head off for your Monday morning coffee break
- You look forward to contracting rare tropical diseases that will keep you in bed for weeks on end
- You stick pins in your eyes to keep you awake
- You feel drained all the time
- You argue at home about stuff at work
- You argue at work about stuff at home
- You visualize your boss being skewered alive and then slow roasted over and open fire
- Monster is your home page
- You say things like “Sorry, they don’t pay me enough to do that” “At 4.55? Are you nuts? I’m off home?” or even “Let’s kill the VP of sales and march on company headquarters with his head on a spike”
None of that is good, is it?
You can join in the pity party and reconcile yourself to the fact that everybody else you know dislikes their job. I find that’s always a great reason to stay miserable.
Or you could even blame the fact that you have a huge mortgage, a family to keep and the Universe hates you and has been conspiring against you since your unfortunate birth.
Alternatively, you could decide that no way no how are you going to look back on a life of wasted potential. That you’re going to do something about it right here and right now!
Luckily, it is relatively easy to change careers. Seriously, people do it all the time without any trouble whatsoever, even when they require additional education.
All you will have to do is take some online courses in your spare time to begin working towards a career that you will truly enjoy.
If you want to work as a counselor, in social services, or in the human resources department, consider earning something like a Bachelor of Arts in Human Services Administration.
If you want to follow a different career path, work towards a different degree. Just make sure that you do something, so that you are not left with any regrets.
Faith in God and religion can be helpful too. Christians are usually happier because they are always busy to praise the Lord and less think about their own problems.
I am 26 and going through a QLC. I just quit my job cos i hated it. What worries me even more is when i think of the future yrs ahead I can see that i will have some sort of “life crisis” at every major point in my life eg. after getting married (30’s), kids grown up (40’s), mid life (50’s), retirement age (60’s, nursing home age (70’s) then i’ll be dead.
What if i will always be asking “where is this all going?? what is the point?? is this as good as it gets?? have my best yrs already passed me by??”
Patiences last blog post..It all comes crashing down
@Tim – ah, and this would be why I am going to work my way through through your book and associated worksheets.
@ Urban Panther – Reeeealy, you hate your job? Well get another one then.
@ Becky – Glad you enjoyed it! I haven’t seen the movie, but I’m going to check out the link and thanks for posting it.
Really fun article. Thank you. I recently saw the follow up to The Secret, the film The Opus. And I felt that they had some really good thoughts about lifes purpose and although they did not directly refer to mid-life I thought what they had to say about finding purpose and leaving a legacy was really powerful and applicable to the topic at hand. Have you seen the movie and what were your thoughts? Here’s the website http://www.TheOpusMovie.com
I hate my job…I’d write more, but this week I can only write zippy onliners, as per your challenge..so will have to expand on this at a later date…when I don’t need to cheat with run on sentences.
@ Becca – Sure it is! I get more women coming to me with QLC’s and more men with MLC’s. Make of that what you will. I think that the one thing that links all of the people together is a sense of self doubt. There’s no real science around this, not that I’m aware of of anyway.
About this QLC, does this only apply to men? Can a woman with 5 children under nine have one? That was where I was when my husband started trying to have his QLC. I definitely wanted a vacation for myself at that point (and for many years afterward as well)! I’m having a hard time rationalizing this, let alone visualizing how it could be possible.
@ Robert – Sorry buddy I have no idea how, but I completely missed this comment! Best of luck with your QLC although I suspect there’s no crisis in your life.
@ Becca – That is an excellent point about other cultures, thanks for making it. I know when I talk to people about body language I always stress that there are cultural differences that need to be taken into consideration and this is no different.
That’s really funny about your husband. It seems like he almost managed to get merge his quarter and mid life crisis! That’s no mean achievement ;-)
It’s interesting that many other cultures do not have a “midlife crisis”. It’s a function of our western mindset, and now we’ve even conditioned ourselves to expect it. In my husband’s case, he stated telling me he was having a midlife crisis in his thirties! I finally told him, “If you must have a midlife crisis now, make sure you have a really good one, because you’re only allowed to have one!” He reconsidered. Twenty years later, he finally had his crisis and bought his motorcycle, and changed jobs and homes, but not me, thank goodness!
Becky
Tim, good wake up call. I’m on my QLC and really find it relates very much. See how we can enjoy where we’re at in the journey of where we’re going to be. Be conscious about the choices you have do help.
Robert
@ Gus – Good for you and you’re welcome. Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment.
Tim,
Thanks for the great post. I’m (only) 33, but you’ve inspired me to measure the number of hours I’ve spent working and I’ve decided I need to take longer lunch breaks. Possibly more than one a day.
Thanks for the wake up call.
Gus
The Possibility Hunter.
@ PHobbs – Thanks a lot and also good luck with your site too and of course getting through your QLC!
My whole blog is about going through your quarter life. There are so many ways to help you get through the “crisis” faster. For me, its all about having a strong support network. I love your site and I will be reading it more often. I am even following you on twitter!!
http://twitter.com/phobbs82
Cheers. Good luck with everything!!
PHobbs
@ Rennie – So maybe that Is IT! Maybe if you had a job that inspired, motivated and engaged you, that would make all the difference. May be worth thinking about? Apologies it took me so long to get back to you, I missed your comment entirely.
@ Rita – That’s funny because I’m like that. I still struggle to sleep sometimes, but these days it’s through excitement and not dread!
Tim,
I am about to turn 48. By 45, my life changed – for the better. The kids were growing – or grown, my husband and I got to know each other again, as I pondered this new stage of my life, wonderful opportunities started to “present themselves” and I couldn’t be happier! If this is just the start of what I am finding to be “the best years of my life,” I go to sleep looking forward to each new day – not dreading what problems tomorrow will bring!
I am SO GLAD I don’t fit your patterns!
Rita
I wouldn’t know what information to give but the most important, I guess, would be that I don’t have a job. Thanks Tim for taking the time to reply to me – it’s really appreciated.
@ Reenie – Thanks for taking the time to share that.
Of course you’re problems will always seem significant to you no matter what is happening to other people. It’s difficult to offer a professional opinion with so little information, but I would guess that you are in the wrong job because you’re not passionate about it. People often assume because they don’t hate their job it isn’t an issue and sometimes that is the case, but just as often it isn’t.
My GUESS with you would be that an unconscious level you know there is much more out there and possibly your discomfort is your unconscious’s way of telling you to look for something else.
Go easy on yourself and stay open to other possibilities when they present themselves.
Sorry, I meant to say “tee”, lol, I knew I had written that down wrong!
Your description of a MLC/QLC described me to a T. I’m 28 and for the past two years I have been driving myself crazy. I feel very stuck and I have no idea what my true passion is. It can drive me to both anger and depression. I wouldn’t say though that my crisis necessarily has to do with being in the wrong job. I’m unhappy about life in general and I don’t feel like I fit in with the way society is. Work is the topic for so many people. It’s what drives most people and most self-help/personal development books are directed towards that issue but it isn’t for me. I know there are a lot of people out there that feel that way too, but it’s my life I’m living and it really worries me. Thank you for your article and I look forward to reading more.
@ Giyen – I;m kinda glad you’re not the only one otherwise I’d be a bit short of clients! BTW, read your story about buying New Earth, very funny and I really felt for you!
Just found your blog. So good to hear that I am not the only one going through this. It’s hard, but blogging has made a big difference in realizing what the goals really are.
thanks for putting it into perspective!
giyen
@ Sara – you are absolutely spot on! At least half the people that come to me don’t know what their passion is. I could write a post explaining what I do in those circumstances, but it would be so long and so difficult to explain that I have to admit that I’ve fought shy of doing it. Maybe I should just bite the bullet. Thanks for bringing that point up.
But my passion *is* to follow Chippendales on tour!
On a serious note, this is eye-opening. You’re right, “follow your passion” has become a cliche, but your numbers are hard to argue. I think the hardest part is probably identifying your passion and committing to it. Following it should be easy from there.
@ Cindy – Thanks and hope to see you here more often.
@ Chris – Now that sounds like a mid-life adventure to me ;-) Thanks for the compliment and I think you’re absolutely right. There’s not much new in self development, it’s looking for ways to present what’s already known differently so that more people can embrace it that’s needed.
I often ask my self whether I’m going through mid-life crises right now, I’m 37…But when I really think about it, I feel like I’m just beginning. For a long time I was too busy providing and maintaining for my family. Now even though the kids are still growing, I feel that I have more option in terms of being adventurous…
While some of the stuff that you mentioned here are nothing new, you were still able to present it on a new light, a mark of good writer…
Hi Tim, Great post-i am so impressed with how many comments people make on all of your posts-amazing. You have become so prolific!! Cindy
I have definitely gone through a midlife crisis. I even drew a picture of my boss on the mirror in my bathroom and drew pins in her. It was my Voo doo boss doll. The hub made me erase it since I am not into voo doo and it wasn’t a very nice thing to do.
But I bought my fun car and I went to counseling saying,”I want more”. I described it as not being able to “magic eye”. I knew there was more in life but I couldn’t seem to do it. I didn’t know how.
Well I quit that job and am making my dream job. I hope it all works out. (I’m keeping the car and I even bought a canoe!)
Tim, another great article.
I’ve been feeling the feelings you describe for some years now, and following a series of events in my life I’ve finally got to the stage where I’ve shelved the day job.
Of course it won’t surprise you to learn the I turn 40 in November.
I personally like the idea of a crisis – I tend to thrive in such situations. I don’t know why that should be, but I do.
The trouble is, it sometimes feels so long ago that I knew what my passions in life were, that I’m having difficulty rediscovering them.
Whilst I’m in a state if limbo right now, I am happier than I’ve been in a long time. I do sincerely feel that a brighter future awaits.
Cheers,
Dave.
Tim, you make me feel more and more depressed about the “day job”! :-P Though at least it’s added motivation for the freelancing-on-the-side.
I think this is a really telling point: “I’ve never had somebody come to me suffering from a MLC or even a QLC that bounded into my office announcing they loved their job with a passion but just knew there was something missing in their life.”
I know that I CAN make money doing something I’m passionate about (I’m already getting a regular, albeit small, amount writing for a couple of blogs) but there’s a pretty wide gulf between where I am and where I want to be.
Do you have any witty words of wisdom on dealing with KNOWING you’re in the wrong job/etc but being unable to switch straight away? How do people cope with being perfectly sure what their passion is but being unable to start living it?
Cheers!
Ali
Good stuff this Tim – I’m goin’ though mine now – approaching 50!!! I am following some of my passion through my education, why then do I still feel there are other “passions”which I need to follow to fulfill me???? This make no sense!!!
Am I a “passion junkie”??
J
@Todd: You’re already living your passion! You don’t need a coach ;-)
Your doing some good things here Tim. You know I am on board with you in terms of the need to ‘follow your passion’. I wish you were in NYC so you could life coach me!
Todd
Thanks a lot everybody, I appreciate the kind words. We are having some problems with uploading photos, it’s a bug in 2.5 with some servers that should be sorted out soon.
Don’t ever back off from giving me grief if you disagree with anything I post. I love feedback of any kind!
Thanks again!
There is nothing finer then awakening eager to face the day because you know you are blessed to be enjoying your life’s work. It takes courage, passion and a willingness to dig until you find your delightful work. Some are blessed with obvious gifts that just come pouring out of them. Others need to excavate persistently for years in order to strike their gold.
But the important thing is to be in active pursuit of what brings you work life freedom and happiness. A good coach can help you to see what you may have been blind to.
Tim, nice looking site apart from the image in the orange box ?! Also the image on the post seems to be missing. Apart from that I like it. THe main thing is it is clean and tidy and easy to navigate. You have obviuosly put some work into this baby and it shows. Good effort. Especially like the Cacti, see what you are doing there very good.
I like your new site (although the picture didn’t display at the beginning of your post).
I’m past the MLC/QLC looking at turning 61 this summer. I can’t say I remember hitting that at that stage of my life.
It’s different looking at life as a senior – baby boomer. But then we baby boomers have a way of reinventing life which we’re in the process of right now.
I say take one moment – one day at a time in whatever situation you’re in living it and loving it.
Blessings
Hi Tim,
I definitely like the new look of your site! It’s much easier on the eye!
I enjoyed your article too. How true…many of my friends also appear to be heading for a crisis. Your diagnosis is quite on the mark!
Evelyn
Great advice on following your passion from Tim B. I can personally attest that he has helped me along this very path and is qualified to help others in the same manner. Keep it up Tim!
LOL @ Cath. Get the year right women, don’t age yourself! Also, isn’t every year really important? ;-)
Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment and I look forward to some lively banter in the coming months and maybe even years!
Sorry – got the date wrong – I hit 40 next year. And that year is really really important to me.
Hi Tim – this is excellent advice. It’s creepy too – I’m totally changing my life at the moment. I’ve had a lot of the feelings you mentioned and I hit 40 this year.
And lately, almost every other post I stumble across is telling me how to deal with it. Either many of us have reached the same crossroads, or this is a sign. It’s certainly one I won’t be ignoring. Thank you.
PS: I love your new theme.
I think following your passion is the only way to finding happiness. You can find inner peace, love and success. But without passion, it means nothing.
Great article. =)
Great point Tim. The way I look at it, if you ain’t lovin’ what you’re doing, it ain’t worth doing!
Hey, I agree with you, even though you are putting down other life coaches.
I call it “life purpose” and yes, it supersedes anything money can buy. It seems you have found it for yourself and I’m very glad for you.
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Stacey Derbinshire