Are Two Bricks Causing You Misery?
I sent this post out to my newsletter subscribers with no intention of using it as a blog post.
However, the deluge of e-mails I have received over the last 24-hours from people telling me how it helped and/or moved them made me think I should share it with you too.
I had a session withy own coach* yesterday and it has to be said, I was in a bit of a funk.
Just in the last 7-days our A/C quit, our trash compactor followed shortly after, and not to be outdone, our garage door ket opening itself randomly!
Then things got worse, much worse.
My wife lost her best friend back in the UK to cancer, we had the murder of singer Christina Grimme who was shot in the head whilst signing autographs outside an Orlando club I have been to many times – then came Sunday mornings atrocity.
I managed to make myself feel even worse by reading about all the people gloating over the horrific incidence at The Pulse.
Following the bile being spewed forth by homophobes and supposed ‘Christians’ who believed it was a good thing made me start to question the direction humanity is going in.
Note: I put the word Christians in brackets because I believe the vast majority of Christians would have been as equally appalled by the vitriol as I was and are good people.
Meredith (my coach) suggested I read a book called ‘Opening The Door Of Your Heart’ (al) by Ajahn Brahm.
After the call I immediately downloaded the audio version and managed by the end of yesterday to get half way through it.
It really is an excellent book and I advise you grab a copy (al).
I want to tell you about the first story Ajahn, who is a London born Thai monk, talked about because it certainly made me think.
Back in the late seventies he was with a small group of other impoverished Thai Buddhist Monks. They wanted to build a monastery in northern Thailand but had little money and would need to do it on their own.
Building The Wall
Ajahn was tasked with building a wall (something he had no experience of) that would incorporate 1,000 bricks.
He put his heart and soul (and no little patience) into building this wall using his experience in mindfulness to help during the times when he felt frustrated by the complexity of the task for a total novice.
He took massive care with every single brick, making sure that it was just so and that he could take pride in his work.
Eventually the wall was done and he stood back to admire his incredible accomplishment.
Horror of horrors, he noticed that two bricks were not totally aligned.
He felt sick to his stomach and as the mortar had dried in the hot Thai sun he could not move them.
So he went to the Master to ask if he could knock the wall down and start again.
He was refused and for months after felt a deep embarrassment and shame that he could have made such an obvious and unforgivable mistake.
When showing people around the new monastery he would even avoid that wall until one day a visitor saw it.
“What a fine wall’ he said without an ounce of sarcasm. Ajahn was aghast, ‘But can’t you see the two bricks that are out of alignment?’.
‘Of course’ said the visitor, ‘But I also see the 998 that are perfectly aligned, it truly is a beautiful wall’
The Shifting of Perfection
In an instance Ajahn ’s point of view shifted. He’d lost sight of the fact that so much with the wall was right because he was preoccupied with the tiny element that wasn’t perfect.
I know that I am very lucky.
I have a large A/C bill, a trash compactor that still doesn’t work and a very strange garage door, but jeez, 95%+ of the world have none of those things and hundreds of millions don’t even have running water never mind air conditioning.
Reframing the loss of my wife’s friend and the awful events in Orlando last weekend isn’t anything as like as easy when looked at as a whole, but I’ll try.
My wife’s friend brought her many wonderful memories and as a nurse herself, she helped hundreds of people throughout her life.
The world was better for her being here, as her family will testify to. She will be sadly missed, but her life was a life well lived.
Maybe, just maybe the violence in Orlando will have a positive effect in the long run.
It has brought solidarity and an outpouring of love and empathy from millions of people toward not just the immediate victims, but the LGBT community as a whole.
I’m about to get political so avert your eyes if easily offended.
Maybe the Pulse massacre will also help speed up legislation that prevents people from buying guns that have only one purpose, that of killing and maiming others very quickly.
As a Brit I am not going to stamp on people’s 2nd amendment rights. If you want a hand gun in your house for protection, go for it.
But nobody ‘needs’ a semi-automatic rifle for safety, they are purely designed for war and the US is the only country in the world that I am aware of where they are so freely available legally.
The point of this post isn’t to stir up a gun debate and I won’t welcome people trying to take that opportunity.
Look For Your Own Two Bricks
The point is to look for your own two bricks.
Are you making yourself miserable because 2% of your life isn’t how you would like it to be, whilst at the same time ignoring how lucky and just downright cool you are in other areas?
Could you shift your focus a little to see your two bricks of signs that you are human and as such not perfect, but beautifully imperfect?
If you can’t, you will find yourself stuck in misery and forever focussed on what is wrong – a bit like I was for two or three days last weekend. Trust me, it wasn’t helpful or fun.
PS *You may think it unusual for a Life Coach to utilize the services of a coach, but I have worked with 6 separate coaches.
Why?
Because I see the massive value coaching can offer.
Best article in this post its very helpful for me thanks to share this post.
I so needed this reminder, Tim. My father has Alzheimer’s and has been living with my husband and I for the last 8 months. I am not a patient person and Alzheimer’s is mind-blowingly hard to live with. I nail it 90% of the time but every now and then, I snap or get irritable and that is what is ruling my life at the moment. I am patient and kind so many times a day and yet all I focus on and remember the one time I messed up. No more, I say! Thanks for this.
You have my deepest sympathy Tania, I went through it with my mom and I know exactly how hard it is.
Hi Tim,
This is a great post and a reminder to myself to stop being my own greatest critic. I have known for a while that I am too hard on myself, and whilst there’s nothing wrong with keeping up my own standards, there comes a tipping point where I don’t help myself. I will remember the ‘2 bricks’ every time I am at this point now.
Thanks, Alex
Most of us are too hard on ourselves Alex, and the weird thing it doesn’t help us to be more successful or achieve more.
We human beings are weird creatures ;)
You’re awesome!
Great post Tim. It’s a simple and important message that helps people understand that their focus is what creates their reality and how they experience life. I did see the title in my emails but have been opening emails less in general lately because I let my inbox get so cluttered and have started to really prefer Facebook.
As to the second poster, you live in the States and expressed an opinion on guns, so some loony was bound to jump on it. Most people I know, even gun enthusiasts, see the lunacy of the situation in the States with gun violence. The fact that they won’t even agree to a short waiting period, some basic background checks, or even considering limiting these high powered ones, the ones I have yet to see any genuine reason for allowing them, makes them look like a pack of loonies to the rest of the world, and make me very grateful for living in a country as safe as Australia by comparison.
It’s your blog and you can say whatever the bloody hell you like, and I suspect most readers are like me and prefer it that way. Blanded down people who don’t dare express opinions are boring as hell.
And I wouldn’t trust a coach who didn’t get coached himself and continue to work on his own shit, always. It’s not something that’s ever finished, we don’t ever “arrive”. As I see it, we’re on a constant journey of learning to raise our own consciousness to a higher level.
Cool post.
And I like the fact that you’ve got a coach, too. You keep on learning and improving yourself. Awesome.
I can’t really endorse coaching fully if I don’t even have my own coach. It would seem hypocritical.
By the way, 2 bricks out of 1000 is 0.2%, not 2%.
You’re welcome.
I was using the little known Thai method of mathmatics
99.9% of the article was correct ;)
I will take that any time Sir Michael of The North East ;)
Tim.
You don’t know anything about guns so why don’t you quit spreading propaganda? Semi automatic 223 or any other guns are not purely designed for war or to be used as a weapon. Ignorance is not a reason or excuse to run your mouth. Use your knowledge to help others. A gun like any other source of power is used for good or evil depending on who is using it. Your statement about them shows you have no real knowledge on this subject so it is best left alone. Your opinion on guns is not necessary in what your selling either. Fact is it is a hindrance in your business.
What are they designed for the Gregory?
To shoot mice?
To defend ourselves against Mongolian hordes who have forgotten their place in history?
Or maybe to for target practice when a blind gun range owner has put up 112 target instead of one?
A hindrance to my business? I’d rather not have a business than suck up to people like you.
You are as predictable as the next gun massacre.
The difference between a gun and “any other source of power” is the availability, and in this particular case, the out-sized ability to do harm.
You don’t need to be a gun expert to know that some guns have more killing power than others, all have more killing power than most available weapons, people who shouldn’t have them do have them, and the end result is way too often tragic.
Did you notice Gregory slammed me without actually pointing out why I was wrong?
If we’re sticking to “knowledge”…making a statement about what someone else may know about guns is an opinion, based solely on one comment. Propaganda? Maybe, but if it’s your blog it’s allowed – others can disagree, but there’s no reason to criticize. The “fact” that transparency is a valued commodity on social media suggests that personal statements from the writer (whether fact or opinion) are actually smart, whether others happen to agree or not.
Perhaps, rather than attacking something that has clearly caused discomfort, we could focus on the main topic, which is not nitpicking the 2%. You did realize the irony as you typed, right?
Yep, unbeknown to our friend I was in the cadets and actually taught to fire high velocity rifles. I also had a rifle of my own way back when.
My positioned has altered somewhat over the years.
To Gregory Roth. You don’t know anything about Tim Brownson, so why don’t you quit spreading your propaganda?
Tim – sometimes it’s hard being right as often as we are. We can only sigh, shake our heads and wait for the ignorant masses to see sense one day. Or kill themselves – as we know, gun owners are at far higher risk of suicide by their own gun than shooting someone else.
We can only hope.
I’d rather they just adopt some critical judgment before resorting to suicide!
Hi Tim,
Read this first in the newsletter, then saw it here. What a nice surprise! And I’m sure the rest of the web thanks you for sharing such a valuable article with them. Now that this is public news on your blog, I can share it! :)
As a recovering perfectionist, this post spoke to me. Spoke to me when I read it in an email on my phone, spoke to me now when I saw it posted on your website. I’ve spent most of my life focusing on the 2% and ignoring the other 98%. I’ve just started to recognize that 98% and your post confirmed that I’m on the right track.
Also, something I’m ruminating over. The shooting tragedy that shocked my friends and me here in Central Florida brings up a question. Someone presumably was in charge of keeping the wrong type of folks out of the Pulse nightclub. And 98% of the time (probably more), they did so. But that 2% failing resulted in the deaths of dozens of people. How can we better accept the imperfections of others, when they come at such a cost? Any thoughts on this?
Thanks again for the article.
My understanding is the guy shot his way in and anything short of a large military presence there would have failed.
With that in mind I’m not so sure there was a 2% failure. I have been in dozens of night cubs and I’m not sure any club could prepare themselves for such an attack.
Hi Tim, thanks for the clarification. That makes a lot of sense. Have a great weekend.