Newsflash: Money Still Can’t Buy Happiness
Shortly after we announced that we were planning on giving away 1,000,000 copies of How To Be Rich and Happy to good causes, I received a DM from a marketing guy on Twitter telling me he thought it was a brilliant strategy to help build my profile.
I stared blankly at the screen in disbelief for a few moments wondering whether it was a joke.
When I realized it wasn’t I started to feel really pissed off that this person was questioning my integrity and I could barely contain myself from responding abusively.
I didn’t though, I knew there was no point. He had a completely different map of the world to me and no doubt his allowed for pulling such stunts, so I just unfollowed him.
Greed Reduces Happiness
Have you ever seen the movie Wall Street? I have to confess I love that film and never tire from watching it.
Even gigantic cell phones, wooden acting from Terence Stamp that would make Keanu Reeves weep with shame and a Gordon Gecko speech that made a compelling and seminal argument for greed doesn’t deter me from watching it whenever it comes on.
I think the reason I like it, is that even though it delivers the greed is good message so eloquently, it also steps back from the abyss just in time and demonstrates that there is always a human cost to greed.
Greed is a zero sum game and generates a lot more losers than winners.
And I think game is the operative word because I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel like I’m in one big game when it comes to the online world. And not in a good way either.
From who can charge the most for an ebook, or online course, to who can get the most comments has the the highest RSS count, or most Twitter followers.
It’s all one big delusional game that few of us are immune from, but many seem to actually embrace.
I bet if you stopped 10 people on the street and told them that statistically speaking once you lift somebody out of poverty there is very little correlation between income and happiness, 9 would tell you they already knew that.
If you went on to point out that when you get into 7 figure incomes what small correlation did previously exist completely evaporates, they would nod sagely at that too.
After all, most people know money doesn’t bring happiness, right?
Wrong!
Most people ‘know’ money doesn’t buy happiness for everybody else.
The Hedonic Treadmill
But most people think the rules of human adaptation don’t apply to them.
They really do need that 25% pay rise to buy the bigger house, the boat or the new car. They are stuck on the hedonic treadmill of needing more, more, more, without ever stopping to really consider why they want more, or what that more will give them.
I’m going to mention a story I recently heard and I hope you’ll do me the favor of not mentioning the person in the comments if you know who I’m referring to. I genuinely like her and it isn’t in any way shape or form a dig at her, just the absurdity (in my opinion) of what I see happening online.
This lady was at a coaching conference sat alongside another coach. On hearing that some women younger than her after shelling out $20k for a years coach mentoring were now earning close to a million bucks per annum, she turned to the guy next to her and said:
“I gotta up my game”
Seriously, you have got to up your game because other people are earning more than you? $300,000 (which is what she said she had earned last year) isn’t enough, it leaves you feeling like you’re losing some imaginary game?
What is this game?
Who set the rules?
How do we know when it’s over and who’s won?
More to the point, does it mean that low income people like teachers, nurses and members of the military are the losers?
You Need Intrinsic Motivation
Philosophers have been trying to nail down what happiness is for centuries. But it’s a slippery sucker and it refuses to stay still and be labeled.
However, one thing we do know for sure, is that is it comes from the inside out and not the outside in.
You can never attain true lasting happiness by setting extrinsic goals that have no intrinsic motivation and don’t align with your core values.
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with earning lots of money and there are plenty of people that do so that are intrinsically motivated.
Warren Buffet springs immediately to mind, there is a guy that earns lots of money as a byproduct of what he does.
There’s no doubt that Buffet is completely in line with his values and isn’t sat worrying about what other investors are doing and stressing if they are earning more than him. He just gets on with doing what he loves to do and does best.
However, whereas I don’t believe there is anything wrong with earning lots of money, I do believe there is everything wrong with earning lots of money because you think it will make you feel happy or content, because it wont!
My advice as a guy that earned a very good income from sales and was completely miserable is this:
Find out what truly makes you happy by understanding your values, and then work out how much money you need to do that on a consistent basis.
Rather than doing what most people do which is to try and earn as much money as possible and then figure out what they can do with it to make them feel happy.
And I’ll close with my favorite quote from Wall Street when Carl Fox (Martin Sheen) says to his son, Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen):
“I don’t measure a mans success by the size of his wallet”
Image Cortesy of Moyan Brenn
Tim,
Many times I read your post, I can’t help but to be nodding both my head, and inside my heart.
I can feel you growing. You are applying the shifts in your mindset into your life coaching business. You are living an NLPer’s TOTE process. And you are learning more and more to balance the realm of self and others.
I truly admire that.
For myself, I have attended a few Money Mindset seminars. I have been asked to name a sum of money I’d want to have in my life, but many times, I have not been able to do so with complete agreement from my heart.
After comparing my thoughts to your post and comments, I realize now that what I am after in my life is not just money. I am after a life that gives me meaning. I want to do what I love, and be able to give back.
Seth Godin said in one of his recent posts: “what do you do, when no one is looking?”
This just kinda jumped out at me.
When we are motivated by intrinsic values, we are truly doing it for ourselves, and not to please anyone.
And I believe, that, is one of the basis to happiness.
Thank you Tim and all the commenters here. You helped me connect many dots in my head.
I am grateful.
Hey you’re very welcome mate and I’m glad you came to your conclusions relatively early in life!
I suspect you are heading for an amazing career in coaching :-)
When we do this just for the money and take clients that are energy drains then it becomes the kind of job we were trying to get away from – in my case it was EFL teaching.
We need money but as one billionaire once said (paraphrasing) it’s good to know when you have “enough”… and can still find satisfaction with the little things in life: a bird landing on your balcony or the way the sunlight hits the weather beaten walls of ancient ruins.
Very true Dave!
I loved your “Are we a good fit for life coaching” – I feel the same way – who really wants to deal with a guy who feels his life is a failure because he only makes a half million dollars a year and only got a 100k bonus last year? Same for people who think the world owes them something and/ or people with anger management issues. Life coaching should be rewarding for the coach. There are a lot of positive minded people out there that perhaps are just looking for someone to steer them a bit – those are great folks to work with.
It’s great to have a coach out there to remind us it’s not just about money. For me as an adult I’ve developed some sense of spirituality which has also helped define my values and principles.
Thanks again Tim!
Thanks mate I appreciate the kind words.
And I agree, I do this as much for me as my clients. I get an absolutely shit load out of doing this job and that is a real win/win for me!
How ironic. I just watched the sequel to Wall Street last night, and I couldn’t agree more.
It’s a sad sickness. I wonder if that marketer even reads your blog. It would be pretty clear that you’re not the greedy type in this for your own self promotion and glory.
Thanks for your touch of reality.
The follow up was a bit of a let down imho.
I don’t think he does or even did read my blog, but I doubt he even knew he offended me. As I say, we all have different maps mate ;-)
Hey Tim,
It is always nice to hear when another person in this world has other focuses besides money. It can be disheartening when all you hear people talk about is their concern for how to earn more money, when you can feel that their intentions do not stem from intrinsic motivation.
-ariana
Not as disheartening as it is for them later on in life when they feel completely unfulfilled.
Hi Tim,
I hear you. So well put again. Find your own “happiness” & don’t get distracted by the B.S around you. As I get older I realise that everyone’s ‘happiness’ can be so different & it’s often the seemingly simple things that do this.
Be good to yourself
David
And there’s plenty of BS to get sucked into!
Tim, I just love how you always bring things back down to Earth. It’s so easy to get carried away in the online world and see all these fabulously successful people doing their thing and feel like I’m falling behind in comparison. Even though I KNOW comparison is a losing game, and I KNOW that money doesn’t buy happiness, and I KNOW that I’ll only truly be happy spending my time in a way that aligns with my values — it’s still super-easy to get sucked in. I’m glad you’re here to deflate the hype.
And I LOVE this line: “Most people ‘know’ money doesn’t buy happiness for everybody else.” Ha! So true!
All that said, I do think I’m right on the border of where a little more money could make a significant difference in my life. Actually, not MORE money — just the SAME amount of money (or even a little less) from a different source. I’m starting from scratch for a business idea to get me out of my cubicle and back working from home, where I’m happier. In the meantime, I’m working on finding the happy here, within the borders of these beige-carpeted partitions :)
Trust me Lynn, there are a LOT of people out there in th eonline community that are all front. They look super successful and talk the talk, but it’s a mask and there’s little of substance to back it up.
Not that it should matter really because as you say comparison is a losing game.
Hey Tim, great post again! Could you elaborate on intrinsic motivations, for those people who haven’t heard of them? I keep forgetting 1 of the 3 most common ones.
A good friend of mine built a multi-million pound business a few years ago and for a while he led a very lavish lifestyle. He’s well qualified to talk about money’s relationship with happiness. He agrees that having tonnes of money doesn’t make you happier, it just makes certain things a bit easier.
He has now closed that first business and has recently started a new one. A few days ago, I asked him to describe the thought process he used when deciding on what type of new business he wanted to start this time. I listened very carefully to his advice because I have an ambition to start my own business soon.
He said that thinking about money first is definitely the wrong place to start. Instead, he started by thinking about what kind of lifestyle he wanted in his ideal life. For example, the types of hobbies he wanted to have, the places he wanted to visit, etc.
After he had a clear vision of his ideal life, he calculated how much money he would need to earn per year in order to achieve his desired lifestyle. Some people’s aims will be fairly frugal and modest, other people (like my Ferrari-racing friend) have more expensive tastes. Personally, my wife and I have quite modest tastes, so we’re already earning more than our “ideal” amount, even though we both only have quite normal jobs and we definitely don’t consider ourselves to be rich! “How much money is enough?” – it’s different for everyone.
Then my friend just had to work out what type of business to start that could meet his financial goals and make best use of his own personal skills and strengths.
Is my friend’s method similar to the advice you would give to your clients, Tim? I really like that my friend sees money merely as a means to an end.
Not sure I like your friends approach particularly Rob because it is still extrinsic based. IOW he’s still aiming for money first so he can do the things he really likes to do.
Intrinsic motivations are things like legacy, significance, love, freedom, giving back, peace etc
Extrinsic motivations are material things or things that you think will effect how people view you, such as money, power, authority etc.
Think of surgery as an example. Plastic surgery (when it isn’t needed) is almost always extrinsically motivated because people are worried about what others think of them rather than wondering why they care what others think.
Make sense?
I’ve waited a few days before replying because I’m a bit confused and I wanted to make sure I understood all this first. But, several days later, I’m still confused!
My problem is that it appears my friend has his approach to life all wrong, yet I know it has made him happy and successful. I’m trying to get over the cognitive dissonance here.
What if my friend has a value / intrinsic motivation of “enjoying himself” a.k.a. hedonism? Does that then make everything else fit into place?
I totally agree with you. I’m a budding blogger and I’m so frustrated with “the game” of stats, comments, traffic. It’s left me feeling so impotent and unimportant. Not to mention disillusioned about my dream. I’m currently going through a phase of identifying my values and re-aligning my life around that. I feel it would definately be a more liberating way to live. Thanks for sharing this
You’re welcome Kizzy, it sure can seem like a minefield for a lot of new bloggers. and I never even mentioned the posts like “How I earned $25k from my blog whilst I had an afternoon nap on a beach” ;-)