How To Increase Your Willpower
It doesn’t matter whether you are a Life Coach, a Therapist or a Turkey Farmer you have a have a finite amount of will power at your disposal every day.
How much you do have will be dependent on a multitude of reasons other than your genetic predispositions.
For example, if you’re tired, drunk, stressed or not feeling very well you’ll have less willpower than if you’re feeling especially bright eyed and bushy tailed.
The former is the reason why people often give in to temptation during such times.
Throw somebody who likes a beer and is trying to quit smoking into a busy smoke filled bar and tell them drinks and smokes are on the house, and there’s a very high probability they’ll cave in.
Why Does Your Brain Do That?
From a neurological standpoint, at such times you simply don’t have enough glucose in your pre-frontal cortex to help you say no to the pleasure seeking part of your brain, or your nucleus accumbens as it prefers to be known.
At such times your brain is diverting all the crucial energy you need for exercising willpower to deal with with your other issues that it sees as more important to your immediate survival.
You can give yourself a short-term boost by consuming a high glucose sports energy drink, but in many respects that is the last thing you want to be doing if you’re tired, stressed or feeling ill, because what your body really needs is sleep.
As I have spoken about before, one of the best methods of not falling victim to temptation is to remove it from the equation.
That’s why alcoholics avoid bars and tend not to keep liquor in the house and reformed gambling addicts don’t usually decide to take weekend breaks to Vegas.
Willpower Is A Slippy Sucker
People are often terrible at judging how much willpower they think they have and presume resisting will be easier than turns out to be the case. Each time they do say no to temptation they lower their reserves of energy incrementally and eventually they run out.
Willpower isn’t quite that cut and dry though.
If it were we’d know that all we have to do to look like men (and women) of steel is to stay refreshed, sober, healthy, and remove potential temptation from our path.
But we know that everybody gets tired, stressed and sick from time to time, and some temptations are nigh on impossible to remove from life entirely.
So if willpower is merely a matter of energy reserves, leaving aside genetics, how come some people seem to have a lot more than others?
How come some people still seem to exert amazing willpower even in the face of severe adversity with severely depleted energy reserves?
That’s because there is something that trumps willpower.
That thing is motivation.
Motivation Is Stronger Than Willpower
Motivation is what you need when willpower starts to run out. Or better still what you need underpinning your willpower.
Imagine a woman who has just quit smoking.
She’s had a terrible week with one thing after another going wrong at home and work. She’s gone with a colleague who is a smoker to relax for a few drinks after work.
Her friend offers her a cigarette and she says no. Then after a couple of more drinks she offers her one again with the usual, “Go on, one want hurt you”, and again the woman declines.
But by the third time a bit later on when she is somewhere between tipsy and hammered her willpower reserves are almost at zero and she caves in and responds.
“You‘re right, one can hurt can it? And I have had a really bad week”
Notice also the self justification. People who run out of willpower will nearly always look for self justification.
This may not stop this lady feeling bad about her decision later, but it stops cognitive dissonance (the holding of two contradictory opinions at once) arising and feeling bad at the time.
Introducing Motivation
Imagine the same scenario, but this time as the women accepts the cigarette, I march up to her holding her cutest doe-eyed pet bunny rabbit by its ears and pointing a gun at its terrified and quivering head.
“Smoke that and Bugs gets it!” I announce with steely calm.
Presuming her excessive alcohol intake hasn’t created an urge for rabbit stew there would be an excellent chance she’d put the cigarette down.
Now even though her willpower levels haven’t changed, her motivation has shot through the roof. A bit like the rabbit when the gun went off accidentally.
You may (or may not) have read my post Life Coaching Challenge in which I challenged people to make a 30 day commitment to change one negative behavior or adopt one new positive one.
I said I would give up alcohol if other people committed in public to making a change, and lots of you did.
Another Life Coach Confession
Well I can announce with complete honesty, I didn’t do what I said I would.
A few days after I posted with things going remarkably swimmingly I realized I’d forgotten Thanksgiving was later in the month and no way was I going to sit down to my turkey without a glass of wine.
I then made the conscious decision to have a drink on Thanksgiving and screw the consequences.
Was it because my willpower was low?
No, because it wasn’t an impulse decision at all, it was premeditated and up until then I’d been fine.
It Has To Be The Right Kind Of Motivation
What I do know though is the motivation I tried to engage was useless, and that is where I failed in setting things up properly.
And by the way, that’s why it’s so difficult to Life Coach yourself successfully because we all get wrapped up in not seeing the wood for the trees on occasions. Even people that have been doing it years like I have.
My supposed motivation was that if I failed I would have to admit it in public and offer 6 free Life Coaching sessions to somebody that did stick to their commitment for the month.
Or, I could lie and pretend I did it.
Neither of the former were efficient motivators for me and as somebody that values integrity very highly the latter was never an option.
I love Life Coaching people, so why on earth did I think offering free Life Coaching would deter me from doing anything enjoyable?
What I should have done in retrospect, and what I would have definitely done with a client, would be to find motivation that aligned with my core values.
As a fairly left of center guy when it comes to politics, maybe I should have committed to sending a $1,000 donation to the Tea Party if I succumbed?
Stop $1,000 going to the Tea Party out of my own bank account, or have a glass of wine? Er, I’ll keep the thousand bucks thank you very much.
Coach somebody or have a glass of wine? Hm, actually I think I’ll take both!
The title of this post is slightly misleading because whereas I do think it’s possible to increase your willpower levels somewhat by adopting some of the methods I mentioned I don’t think it’s the most effective way to succeed with goals.
Knowing and then focusing on your intrinsic motivation is waaaaaay more powerful than willpower alone.
And to know what truly motivates you, you need to understand and then align with your core values because that is where your motivation stems from and that’s why I wrote the book!
I’m safely back on the wagon again and I’m pretty pleased with how I did. I’m not beating myself up (what would that achieve?) because I did pretty well.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t keep up my end of the bargain and I may owe you some free Life Coaching.
If you were one of the people that made a commitment and have stuck with it, then leave a comment telling me what you did and please free to gloat and mock me.
Then I’ll throw all the names into a cyber hat and drag out a winner.
Some provisos.
I’ll announce the winner in my next post. I will not be chasing people down so it’s up to you to get back to me if it’s you.
You will have to be tad flexible with me and that will include getting in at least 3 of the sessions prior to 9th January.
There is no cash equivalent and you cannot transfer the sessions to somebody else.
And no fibbing!
I have been honest with you and I expect the same in return, so if you missed a day or more don’t lie and say otherwise.
Interested In NLP?
I often get asked what is the best starting point for people wanting to learn NLP and I usually direct them toward NLP: The New Technology of Achievement. To be honest there isn’t much else out there for newbies and it is a good book (al).
In my December newsletter (you can sign up in the box on the left and get 2 eBooks for your trouble) I’m going to point you toward a a comprehensive audio book on NLP that is absolutely free. Sweet eh?
This is a great post–it’s great to hear life coaching from other life coaches!
For me Tim, the clue is in the title – willpower. Will has a power and power needs energy to feed it to keep it strong. So we have to give energy to that which we are willing to do to prevent disconnect or a slow down. The I’s have it in this – intention (clear, bright, high octane belief), imagination (like a child truly fantasising about outcomes they know to be real), inspiration (books, video clips, triggers), and intuition (knowing, trusting, feeling and sensing how to stay on target and achieve). The will is in the mind but the pure power is in all the senses we have if we were to fully use them.
Love to John! Wise words indeed, thanks.
Tim, I must confess that I haven’t followed your postings, or this thread for a while, although always have enjoyed your articles. I’m not so sure that motivation is the “key” to having willpower. However, making a final decision about something is enough to give you strong convictions to follow through as willpower isn’t even needed at that point. You decided to do something, and that’s the end of it….you then carry on to the next thing in your life. Anyone who is relying on willpower will probably fail in the end because the actual decision to just “do it” wasn’t final. Thanks again for your wonderful, though provoking articles!
Jacquie,
Sorry for my delayed response I didn’t realize there had been any more comments.
I’m not saying motivation provides or is the key to will power, just that massive motivation will keep somebody on track when will power may not.
Well, I can’t say that I was taking part in the challenge. But for most of November, I let my willpower succumb to procrastination. Somehow, I found the motivation I needed in the last few days to make it to another 50K win at NaNoWriMo. I guess it was in part feeling I would let my own readers down if I failed to win. Not to mention all the others I was encouraging to reach the goal as well.
The important thing to do when we fail ourselves is to be honest (with ourselves and others), and get back to doing what we promised we would do.
Grady, I have no idea what NaNoWriMo is even though I have heard it mentioned many times, but I do know winning anything 7 times out of 7 is pretty amazing.
Massive congrats!
Well, Rob, I don’t know if this is true for everyone, but it is for me — the only way I’m going to make better decisions is if I’m motivated to do so! Otherwise “making better decisions” sounds like just another way to say “willpower” (of which I have basically none).
Tim, I went back and looked at how you phrased your challenge originally: “I do love a beer at the end of the day and a glass of wine with a meal, so maybe forfeiting those for a month would give me a sense of achievement and also increase my overall happiness levels in the long-term?”
Just looking at the language you used, I don’t see a really clear or strong motivation, so it makes sense that your Thanksgiving wine was a more logical and enticing choice than some vague sense of “maybe I’ll be happier.”
I was able to complete my challenge (meditation), which, frankly, was a bit of a surprise to me — I’m usually pretty wishy-washy at keeping commitments that have no real carrot or stick to them. But I think I finally got to the point where I really wanted what meditation could give me — rather than “wanting to want to,” as you always say. And I did get some results, which makes me want to continue. So thanks for starting the fire under my ass that made me give it a go in the first place!
(Oh, and please don’t put my name in the hat for the coaching. I love your coaching, but I’ve already been to that well and I think someone else should get a shot.)
I get when I’m not wanted :-(
Just kidding of course.
And yeh you’re right it was veeeeery wishy-washy. I (hope) would have picked that up in a heartbeat if it were a client, yet I never spotted it in myself.
Isn’t amazing how few people have followed through? Either that or they didn’t bother coming back to check if I did it.
Now I’ve finished Andrew Austin’s “The Rainbow Machine” (and despite some reservations, on the whole I liked lots), I thought I’d check out his recently-launched weight loss programme.
In it, he says, “Getting more motivation isn’t the Holy Grail, making better decisions is the Holy Grail”. Interesting point of view. In other words, you don’t need more motivation to succeed, you just need to make a decision, and then keep making that decision consistently.
I’m withholding judgement on this until I’ve tested out his ideas for a short while, but I thought I’d mention it here to see what Tim everyone else thinks.
Tim AND everyone…
I’m glad I read Lynn’s response before replying because I can now say, yeh what she said.
Tim,
This is very fitting for a question that I have been pondering for a while. How can we increase the amplitude of our desire? It seems that if our desire is strong enough, will power is almost a moot point and if our desire is weak or non-committal, fugitaboutit.
Keep up the good work and many blessings.
I stared at fugitaboutit for about 30 seconds before I realized what you meant.
And yes, I agree!
Damn, so wish I managed to keep to my commitment. Would have been great to win this. But like you, am not going to kick myself when down… (or at least not much lol)
Think of it as a starting point, I know I am. So even though we’re into December I’m still going to keep it going for a little while.
I completed my 30 days of writing, as corroborated by my status on the 750words.com challenge. This also included a week of walking a mile down a muddy path every day to the closest internet signal from the remote Scotland castle in which i was leading a retreat. Everyone thought I was crazy, but even freezing rain and spooky cemeteries weren’t going to keep me from this achievement.
I LOVE my new habit of writing, not just when I’m inspired to, but as a daily must. thank you for the recommendation of 750words.com and the push to do this. Yahoo!!!
Pascale
Now that’s what I call commitment and for the first time I feel a tad guilty!
Really well done Pasquale!
The beliefs we hold about ourselves seem to have a fairly big impact on motivation too. If I believe that I am lazy, I’ll probably act lazy.
There’s a lot to be said for separating our behaviour from who we are as a person. So, “In the past I’ve sometimes not been as motivated as I’d like” is a very different belief from, “I’m a lazy person [and will therefore always act lazily]”.
In “Supercoach”, there are some interesting suggestions for inventing new beliefs and then convincing yourself they’re true. The 3 key parts are: a) Tell yourself the new belief is true (sounds like affirmation to me, so I’m fence-sitting on this one), b) Actively look for evidence to support your new belief, c) use the “act as if” reframe and basically act/pretend as if the new belief was true.
I keep meaning to give the above process a proper try, but I’ve been too lazy (oh, the irony!)
The act as if frame is cool, but only unto a point. Try telling somebody with severe social anxiety to as act as if they don’t.
It’s most useful for people that are almost there, but not quite and it can shift their attitude.
Yeah you probably have a point there. But I don’t think Supercoach is aimed at people with clinical-grade emotional/psychological issues.
Hi Tim,
Sometimes we need more “won’t power” rather than willpower when we look like getting off track. Motivation I think goes hand in hand with willpower, I’m not sure that one comes into play if the other fades. We can ride a rollercoaster at times so if the “carrot” is big enough, willpower, motivation should win out at the end of the day.
be good to yourself
David
I agree to a large extent, if there’s no motivation whatsoever then nobody has a reason to engage their willpower.
But at times when we are faltering, refocussing on the end game and the motivation that drives desire to change is pretty damn effective.
I can proudly say I meditated every day during the month of November, as promised.
I must confess that there were times the only reason I sat my butt in the seat was because I said I would,to everyone on-line,and did not want to have to confess to a broken promise.
Keeping commitments is one of my core-values, and so was the best motivation I could have used!
Now we’ll see if I continue a daily meditation practice, which I know would be good for me to do, and would greatly benefit me in my life…
The question is, are those motivational reasons as powerful as the motivation to be accountable to what I promised to everyone on-line!
Good for you Char, although remember you still have today!
Now we just want to turn that extrinsic motivation into internal motivation ;-)
Yes you are right – there has to be lots of motivation, with the desired outcome in mind, in order to sustain willpower. The grocery store is one of the places that test our willpower each time we visit as there are shelves and shelves of unhealthy but convenient (and tasty) food items. Whenever I pass by something that looks might tempting, I have to keep the desired outcome of maintaining my 30 inch waistline at age 50 in mind, which is not easy.
It’s the motivation of staying fit and healthy which somehow overrides the temptation of putting that box of goodies into my shopping cart. It’s not easy especially when everyone else is doing it. I find that I need to constantly remind myself that there are tasty and healthy alternatives as well that can still keep in line of my health goals.
I hit 560 next year and I’m about a 31″ but it sure aint getting any easier to keep it that way Clint ;-)
I’m still here – a chocolate free zone! My motivation was helped along by a certain amount of public pressure as I hooked a few Facebook fans into the challenge and they definitely helped me keep accountable, even after most of them ‘failed’.
Cheers to your success, integrity and for the low-down on personal motivators. I always take a little more away from your blog than I anticipated…open to the learning!
LMAO just what I want somebody in an insane time zone winning this! Well done Kirri.
Aw – I missed one day of my Yoga. Thanksgiving weekend is a bear for trying to keep up any sort of habit! Otherwise, I’ve been really pleased with making this habit – I’ve memorized the routine from my favorite workout and am looking forward to continuing.
I’ll have a glass of wine and toast to your wagoning!
That’s pretty brilliant Debi only giving in on 1 day with 1 to go. I hope you’re giving yourself kudos.
Honesty is the way!
I think it is good to understand your mistakes and even better to accept them(and ofcourse to fix them)!
And by taking your honesty article as personal motivation,I would also have to admit that reducing my pc hours didn’t work so well but I have signed up for the 750 words project which I read on the comment sector of a previous arcticle and I am trying to follow it,I have failed though but I will not stop while I am trying to find my on way of motivation and not just the motivation of the moment!
Great article and I suppose that by drinking,you will make the Tea Party rich and happy :D (I really don’t know which is worse…)!
Good you for you for admitting Lefteris! Now get yourself tapped into the motivation that will make it happen ;-)
Once read from Paul McKenna’s book “I Can Make You Thin” that “your imagination is far more powerful than your will”.
To prove it, imagine a piece of chocolate cake or whatever is your favorite in front of you. Tell yourself with all your willpower that you are not going to eat it. Then imagine the taste of the icing as it melts in your mouth. The texture of the warm cake…can you feel your will weakening?
Now to the other end, imagine the same cake in front of you but this time it is covered with maggots, slimy smelly maggots.
Hungry anyone?
It is our imagination at work. It is how we make our best decisions when it comes to eating. Take for example going out to eat…the restaurants go to such trouble to describe the food for you….
Would you rather a sizzling steak in a mushroom sauce, topped with crispy onions or dead cow?
:)
It was with this in mind that I helped many stopped smoking by associating what was once pleasurable to something disgusting (in addition to swish, or 6 Steps Reframe)…
That said, you are right..motivation is stronger and it is with a strong motivation that we can often also come up with answers to problems…
Here’s a video I once watched maybe 2 yrs ago about “must” and “motivation” by Tony Robbins…begins at 3:30:
http://youtu.be/ZVxbASva9M8
I agree with McKenna and that is why visualization is so powerful. Our brains are fairly crap at recognizing is what real and what imagined.
This also reminds me of Andy Austin in his book The Rainbow Machine (you suggested it to me)…
At a weight loss seminar, page 11 for anyone, he has people go buy their favorite food, the one they crave the most.
Look at the food he tells them, crave it even more. Then close your eyes and focus on having the cake, one bite..just one and taste it all. The texture, the flavor..everything. And then go for another bite and chew it thoroughly and another and another…
This way they finished eating the cake in their mind. And afterward, they feel guilty for doing so..for finishing the cake IN THEIR MIND only. He then encouraged them to go further in the day when they get on a scale, in their mind, after eating this cake, in their mind.
After repeating this a few time, it became a new pattern and instead of actually eating the cake before any guilt comes up, they learn to feel the feeling BEFORE that even eat the cake and this reduces impulsive behaviors.
Yep, very clever stuff. Not dissimilar to the compulsion blowout technique that (I think) Steve Andreas developed.