There’s an expression in sales that there are “no resistant clients – only resistant sales people”.

If a sales person is performing poorly, they will often blame the leads they are given, the accounts they manage, or the customers they visit as just not wanting to buy.

Of course this can be the case, but in sales it’s not really a coincidence that the top 10% are nearly always the same people year in and year out.

It’s because they know how to adapt, understand the sales process and how to use it to deliver the information that will help their client see that buying is in their best interest.

I don’t know whether it’s because I’m married to a person who has worked in oncology for over 20 years, but I detest it when people refer to other people as ‘cancers’.

I hear it a lot in sports when people are talking about disruptive players as being ‘cancers’ in the locker room.

But a term that is much more common and just as repulsive (to me anyway) is when we refer to other people as toxic.

I get the gist behind it, but it’s judgmental, unhelpful and insulting.

How Do I Deal With Toxic People?

There is only one effective way to deal with ‘toxic people’ and that is to not view them as toxic in the first place.

Because then you don’t have to.

See them as people that maybe had the misfortune to have a shitty upbringing, have low self esteem and aren’t sure how to deal with it effectively, or who are going through difficulties in their lives of which you may have no knowledge.

I had a client one time who hated his manager with a passion as he was a miserable, bully and nothing was good enough for him.

“Jeez” I said, “His life must suck feeling like that all the time.”

My client had never even considered it that way, but it got even better, or more accurately – worse.

I asked if he knew if the guy had had any problems in his life that he was aware of.

Not much really.

Just that his only son had been killed in an auto accident a couple of years earlier and his wife had left him for his best friend.

I think that would make most people hacked off with life – don’t you?

Toxic, Or In Need Of Help?

Is he a toxic person, or is he a person struggling to deal with life and doesn’t know how to go about it?

I’m not giving carte blanche for people to act like dicks and then blame it on their environment, but haven’t we all acted like dicks at some stage?

I know I have, and there were (and probably will be again) times and situations where people who didn’t know me well could easily have called me toxic.

I was a right moaning bastard when I worked in sales (and still can be about poor customer service as you will have noted if you follow me on Twitter).

I think it was only my sense of humor that stopped me winning a few unpopularity awards.

The fact is, I was stressed to fuck most of the time.

Stress Does Weird Things

Stress makes people act out of character because it upsets the bodies equilibrium by kicking it into fight or flight.

Norepinephrine and cortisol are released into the body and that stuff is no laughing matter when it’s coursing unabated around your veins increasing heart rate and blood pressure and impeding sleep and the immune system.

The amygdala are screaming ‘danger, danger’, the limbic system is going ape shit trying to figure out what’s going on and makes a unilateral decision to hijack the part of the brain that is used for higher reasoning.

At that point you may as well hand your decision making over to a couple of drunken stoned monkeys because they are way more likely to do a good job of it than you.

If you never meet toxic people, you will never have to deal with them.

So drop the idea people are toxic (because they’re not) and then you don’t have to read posts about how to deal with toxic people.

There are no toxic people, just people who see toxic people.

Image Courtesy Of Daniel Go

Raw Voices Podcast

My project with a French friend who has according to my wife got the sexiest voice in the world is going great and I am enjoying it so much.

Every two weeks we are joined by guests who either both or one of us admire.

We don’t do formal interviews because I’m too bust swearing and being silly as Olivier tries to look all serious and deep.

In all honesty though I think we have had some great interviews not least of which is this one with Alexander Kjerulf, CEO at Woohoo inc, author of “Happy Hour is 9 to 5” and consultant on happiness in the workplace

I hope you can hop over, take a listen and maybe even subscribe,

Warning: There is a LOT of swearing so don’t do what one person did and write to me to tell me I’m ruining  my business.

I know that! :)